Redneck Family Vacation

Things not to leave home without......

Duct Tape....Xanax....Texas Tee shirts!

Were from Arkansas......lol, enough said. Take into consideration that it doesn't have the most pleasant reputation among the states as being civilized...you know, we have that whole Bill Clinton Scandal, Rednecks...Hillbillies, Gennifer and Paula...to name a few. It surprised me to see how many folks asked us about him. Its a small state, but I do not know him personally....but now that I think about it, my cousin was married to Rogers best friend....does that count? And believe it or not, our family trees do fork here in the state. Atleast mine does.....thank god. lol Even though I wonder about my husband at times...I told him not to even bother looking up his family history, hell they were already here when they came across the waters...they were barefooted and toting big clubs up in them there hills yonder....lol.

Our plan was to go to South Dakato for starters, do that whole trip...Mt.Rushmore....Crazy Horse, Bad Lands....and some pit stops in between. We did.....loved every minute of it. But along the way....we discovered our youngest one sitting in his undies in the backseat...and nothing else. Why? Cause he was not comfortable. Be it far from me to keep a man from resting...lol, but the thought was.....Naked kid....Arkansas Plates! HUMM......

On into Wyoming nothing would do, but to stop and buy them a toy....well, our pickin's were slim, its was a convenient store on the left, or the one that sold beer on the right..lol. I'm thinking beer store....lol But we go for the one selling slushies..and a clean potty. $26.00 later....we have them supplied with two toy guns that make all kinds of noises and light up. HUM....they seem to be happy now, and not to count, the lil one is naked again....

So......were on our marry way to YellowStone....its like the Clampetts in Beverly Hills. We get there....and its fascinating to say the least. BREATHTAKING doesn't not describe it. This is where I learned that my children didn't understand the laws of gravity. This is where I discovered that I had altitude sickness with those annoying panic attacks. This is where I discovered that I needed XANAX. The first day is spent roaming around....looking. This is the day that we found ourselves ingrossed in mudpots that I was reading aloud about, and him looking for wildlife. In the meantime....our two boys were playing with thier toy guns that they were so proud about and what we failed to notice was them pointing a park ranger driving behind us. Lets just say he stopped us.....warned us and sent us on our way. I just looked at my husband who was so proud of that Arkansas Razorback cap he had on his head and asked him politely to remove it.....and mumbling something about me buying some duct tape to put over the liscense plate and write very boldly on there.....TEXAS! lol Duh...you might be a redneck....lol

We travelled on into Gardneir Montana that evening late. Found the only hotel with vacancy. Cheap.....clean, had atmosphere, till I found out that they didn't have any AIR CONDITIONING...NO TV....and our "sitting area"...was a 80 foot drop off into a river. No THANK YOU....remember, kids.....no sense of gravity. HUM....XANAX please......

So......we travel back through YellowStone that night....to head to Wapiti. On our way....were now back into Grizzly bear terriotory. And what did we find.....a lone woman peddling her bike through the park in the dark. I thought.....she's crazy as hell. I tell my husband, you know....your SOL, if you think I'm gettin' out after dark and having to walk anywhere..lol..so if we have a flat, get prepared to either stay......or your on your own. lol And while were talking,......my boys yell out the window at that poor woman......"BEAR BAIT"......lol. HUM.....Again, I just looked at my husband.

We found a nice motel in Wapiti.....woke up to cold weather, nice for July. Were used to it being a 100 degrees by then.....and humid as hell. We head back into YellowStone, to find buffalo at one of thier usual crossings....they are everywhere. Were snapping pics....telling the boys to look here and look there. We finally find a nice place to stop on a bluff overlooking the Buffalo. There is a very nice couple sitting there enjoying thier morning coffee and watching everything around. They tell us that they do it everyday, that they live in the area. WOW..I'm jealous. And.......while were talking, the boys start hurdling rocks off the bluff at the buffalo and start to moo like cows at them.... Quiet morning all shot to hell for those folks. We apologized, loaded them back up in the car....and had to remind the lil one not to get naked...lol. And we move on. (I have about decided that my kids need the Xanax..lol)

The next stop is......YellowStone Falls. UMMM.......could sit there all day...makes ya wanna write poetry. You can imagine weddings....romantic afternoons holding hands while there. Imagination runs wild. We get there, and I automatically go into panic mode. (the gravity thing again)...we pass a bus load of tourist and I'm seriously considering panhandling them for Xanax...lol My husband acts like he's reading my mind...and laughs. Tells me....."take a chill pill"....I'm lookin' at him like what in the hell do you think I had on my mind? I take a grip on the lil one.....not letting him go. Thats my baby now....make my husband hold hands with the 9 year old to his disliking. lol...And we stand like statues staring at the falls...ok, quick check....snap a pic.....LETS GO! (remember panic attacks..lol)

We head out of there that afternoon and go through the Tetons....and head Southeast through Wyoming. We find a McDonalds somewhere down the line and my kids are acting like its Christmas....FOOD....lol. We stopped and let them play for about an hour....and on our way we head again. To end up in PinesBluff. The only place we could find on our exit was a NO-TELL Motel....named Gators....where I was greeted at the desk by a naked man in a white bathrobe! Like he wouldn't take cash...lol. We sleep well to get up bright and early and are ARKANSAS BOUND!

But what was not in our vacation plans was somewhere before you get to Hayes, Kansas....about 13 miles north of there, my car decided to start blowing black smoke out. I, of course...decide it was now time to have my nervous breakdown....lol Luckily, we were at a rest area able to stop there. Damn....thier rest areas make some of our convenient store bathrooms look like hog wallows. A few phone calls and an angel appeared with a tow truck and hauled us into Hayes. Found us a motel....and a dealership to tend to us. By the next morning they had us out and gone by 11 am. To thier utter amazement it just needed serviced. A few hundred bucks and were outta there! Again....ARKANSAS BOUND.

We arrived home.....by midnight, with two naked boys...lol, me thinking seriously that we had to do some rethinking the next time around...about vehicles....and buying stock in duct tape. Did I mention that we done this trip in a FIREBIRD?? Just might be a redneck..........lol