Seems like you have received a variety of good responses from folks that obviously care to give them. Know that you are amongst friends.
Over the past month or so I've had thoughts, and these thoughts turned into impulses and are slowly forming into plans of action; and these thoughts are very, very violent ones. It started with wanted to hurt myself, but I saw the obvious flaws in that, and my mind ended up on fatally injuring at the very least, the people that I have to deal with on a daily basis, who don't deserve to live, for they are wasting and ruining other peoples lives.
Understand what you are saying here however, they are alive and doing whatever it is they are doing. They may not deserve to live as you see it, but if you do something to them, you're doing it to yourself... Problem is you may not realize the extent of it until you get older.
Consider it one of life's unique experiences and play the game to the best of your ability. For every negative there is a positive and this applies to everything. Work hard to see the positives in these instances and blind yourself from the negative portions of it.
I feel like I'm a part of an experiment like that of Pavlov's Dog. I keep going back to the other doors and getting shocked, so I feel like I have one door left before me, and have no other choice but to take it. And really the only thing I hoped to accomplish by posting all this, is so that I could tell someone; I really wasn't expecting a change of my mental processes.
Well, you asked a bunch of armchair philosophers. LOL. No worries.
As far as changing your mental processes, I'm not sure I'd call it that but you do have control over how you see or perceive things in, 'Your World'. Outside of that, everything is completely out of your control. So work on what you can control and your perception of what's going on is what you have the ability to control. So take it with a grain of salt and try hard to see the good things and rise above the situations that bring out frustration and rage.
We cannot control how others perceive life, we can only control how we perceive life. When we allow others to get us off our square, we surrender what control we do have and that's not a weakness in others, that's weakness in oneself.
At one time I had feelings like you've described and never had a forum to go on or someone to talk to that would allow me to realize what it was that I had control over. With age and experience and of course the school of hard knocks. With time I've grown more to understand these situations or hands that we are dealt with in life and wish I'd have had something like this forum available to me when I was growing up. I encourage you to take not of the positive aspects of all negative situations.
It wasn't my choice, I got sent here three years ago due to my actions deemed inappropriate by my guardians back home. And I don't know if 'want out' is an appropriate statement; more so I would like for it to be a real military school that if there's a problem between two men, they fight, and problem solved. There are snitches every where, I can't scratch my ass without looking both ways to make sure there isn't someone standing there who'll run to the nearest superior. A whole lot of pussies that mommy and daddy couldn't take care of so they send them here for discipline, and when their children are disciplined they get a call home from some crying little kid who in turn calls the school and *****es about it; the school doesn't deserve to have to title military in it's name; it's become more of a prep school with military uniforms and basic structure. Beyond that it's nothing like a military school should be. So no I don't neccisarily want out, I just want to be able to do something about disrespectful kids who haven't served the time, or earned the right to act how they act.
Welcome to the real world. Many of us have jobs and families that we could describe the same way. Oh well, don't let that stuff get to you, get over this hump and realize you can only control how you look at it. You are going to experience much more in life and much more in the future and you'll have to make a choice to get through these things.
Here's a song I'd like you to listen to carefully even though it may be above your age but not your understanding. It's a good one for all of us to listen to carefully. Peace my friend!
YouTube - Get Over It (Eagles)