How to Become The Supreme Allied Commander for United Earth

How to Become The Supreme Allied Commander for United Earth

So, this is the second post of Vic's How-To Self-Help Series. Hopefully, you've all Dreamed for that Better Future. As I said in that thread, we can discuss How to Become The Supreme Allied Commander for United Earth in another thread, and this is it.

First things first, you must be able to say, "I want to Become The Supreme Allied Commander for United Earth." ten times fast. I know, that's a mouthful, but if you don't even know how to say that and internalize that wanting to Become The Supreme Allied Commander for United Earth, how can you Become The Supreme Allied Commander for United Earth?
Ok now that you've said it, let's begin.

1. Tell your friends and family you want to Become The Supreme Allied Commander for United Earth. A lofty goal supported by your friends and family is a great moral boost for you. However, if they laugh in your face tell them, you'd offer them a Minister of Finance post or Chief Justice of United Earth or some other high ranking post in your new United Earth. They will most likely say, "Sure! Sure!"

2. Pretend to be the Supreme Allied Commander for United Earth. It's no shame to pretend. You might get a few looks of pity and laughter, but you'd get invaluable practice being the Supreme Allied Commander for United Earth. Remember practice makes perfect.

3. Kung-fu fight all world governments. Nothing says Supreme Allied Commander so much as a kick ass leader using his martial arts skill to take down the legislative, executive and judiciary branches of government. Remember, Chuck Norris did it with his roundhouse kick, you can too.

4. Make up the title Supreme Allied Commander for United Earth and appoint it to yourself. Some bad people have done something like this before; Genghis, Tsar, Fuhrer. But you're different in two major respects. First, you're not BAD are you? Sure you might broken some fillings or left some government officials crying, but you're still a good person... right? Second, this is a long title: Supreme Allied Commander for United Earth! Six words! Third, this title emphasizes your role: you're the ... SUPREME... allied...COMMMANDER of United EARTH!!! You could probably get that WWE announcer to introduce you with pizazz. Khan never had anything like that.

5. Make Contact with Aliens. So you can tell them, "I've united my world... what have you done with yours? Had a World War and blew it to pieces! HA!" Not only will you have legitmized your position as Supreme Allied Commander for United Earth on Earth, but also in the interstellar community.

Congratulations, if you have followed these steps to the letter you are now Supreme Allied Commander for United Earth! Hopefully, you won't let the power get to you or else you might be assasinated while you sleep or worse, tortured, humilitated, usurped in front of the entire United Earth.

Have fun!