I'd like to say that this is my first time posting a personal problem on the internet but I feel that the members of this forum might be able to give me some different insight. Every family member or friend that I have spoken to is completely against my relationship.
The problem is that my boyfriend of 1.5 years (cuban, living 3 years in canada) still has a son in Cuba. Originally the question came up a while ago when he asked me if I would mind if he married (just papers) his ex wife to bring the child and her to Canada. Seeing how we were just starting out and I had intentions of leaving the country for a year (so didnt think we would even last) I didnt feel I had the right to be against anything, so I said I wouldnt mind.
Now so it happened that our relationship got more serious and I didnt end up leaving Canada. In December we both went to Cuba to visit his family. What I didnt expect was that his ex wife would beinvolved in pretty much everything there. The idea of leaving the son and leaving herself, didnt seem to exist. The son was there-she was there. We went out with his son one day to a cafe, 5 min later she showed up and sat with us.
Now this seemed completely natural and normal in Cuba, everything seemed to me sort of just mixed in, though I cant say I found it pleasant. So this lack of barriers I guess just completely threw me off and I told him I couldnt handle the idea of their marriage. He didnt do anything about the papers and just seemed to leave it alone. (just a note they are separated 6 years, he was married after her, dont think feelings on his part exist)
Now bac khere in Canada I feel like its a ticking time bomb because I know he still has all the desire to do it. Most likely he's not doing it now because of his financial situation. The problem is he does seem to understand the idea of maintaining a more formal relationship with his son's mother. One time he told me that if she were to come "all 4 of us could sometimes go out together" :Not-Impressed: That doesnt even fit into my head right, how he can think that his current woman and his ex could enjoy some quality time together. Recently said that once he has his (or more like our) business running, he wouldnt mind hiring her if she came to Canada. Once again, he doesnt seem to understand that the constant presence of an ex is not good if wants to maintain a healthy relationship with any woman. In his mind I believe he just thinks that since he's not interested in her and sees her as a "sister" it shouldnt be a problem. Sometimes when he says things such as these it makes me want to scream "idiot!" but I keep in mind the posibility of this really being a cultural thing. In my culture the cases that I've seem, the ex's are not in any way involved in the life of the man/woman. My brother's father doesnt even step into the house when he picks up my brother (mom lives with new husband). It's just respectful but a lot more formal. I dont think it could cross anyones mind for him to stay to "hang out" with my mom and her new husband.
Seeing how it's very possible that this situation becomes reality in the future and my boyfriend and I just dont seem to see this in the same way, I really feel that the only option is for us to separate. If it does happen, I just dont think we'll be able to make it work, it'd be a constant battle for me trying to explain to him why in the world I wouldnt want to spend 2 hours at his ex's house or why I wouldnt want her to work with us. To make matters worse he's as stubborn as a bull and if he feels the "slightest" pressure from a woman he feels the immediate need to do the opposite.
Perhaps I'm wrong on this or perhaps I shouldnt even be thinking so much about it before it even happens. I'm sorry for the long story, but I'd really love to hear some oppinions. Pretty much everyone I know is against this due to the fact that he's only 3 years in canada (read -financially unstable), the whole situation with his son and we have a 15 year difference. It's difficult for me to leave him due to a "potential" problem, I just really dont know what to do.
Thanks for any input.