I do have a lawyer now, after I tried legal aid numorous times and then just called random attorneys in the courty. I finally emailed ones from Dallas and surrounding counties and got responses from some, and one of which agreed to meet with me. After explaining some of what has gone one she agreed to help me, and she'd ask the judge for him to pay.
I understand it looks like her father and I have gone back and forth fighting and I've done nothing for her. On the contrary I have contacted lawyers and gone to legal clinics trying to get help for years. I'm always told I dont have enough evidence and to keep a journal with dates. I have kept journals, emails and texts. I was even told by a few attorneys that I can ask the judge for him to take parenting classes and anger management classes, but theres nothing they can do about enforcing it. Which confuses me since isnt that what the written order is for??
I've dont alot of research and tried to find what forms of abuse the courts will step in and help with, and since theres no substantial proof he is abusing/neglecting her theres nothing I can do. I DON'T want to involve CPS, I understand why they are there and know there are physically abused children that need their help, and they SHOULDN'T be used by vindictive people trying to get back at someone, or to get someone in trouble. But the kids pediatrician said I should call, and I had doubts which is why I asked. Considering all thats happened and how I "have been apparently ineffectual in terms of advocating" as you say for my daughters behalf" I thought I'd ask to see if maybe CPS would be the way to go to get help. Mind you, I've also been told by her teachers and the school counselor to contact them in the past....
"To make matters worse, you report that she "got into trouble" for revealing her distress through such crying. How did she "get in trouble"? Was she punished for crying? If so, how, and by whom?" From what she told me and what I overheard from my ex, she'd have to go to her room when she got to his house if she cried. And she'd have to stay there until she calmed down.
Up until last yr he was married and I believed my daughter had 2 people caring for her. Granted she didn't always want to go, but I was told that she was fine after they got in the car and down the road. That wasn't the whole truth since I know she also got in trouble for crying, but with no actual proof I couldn't do anything
"(Why you told her in February about that is difficult to understand, since you just got her needlessly upset. Do you realize what a poor conception of time five year olds have? " Maybe that was poor judgement, but I want her to be ale to prepare for this. Plus I thought she'd have something to look forward to when she can home.
"On top of that, you report medical neglect of your child by her father, who failed to give her appropriate medicine during her visits. That is a rather serious form of neglect" this wasnt the first time he failed to give her appropriate care. When she was 2 he lifted her by her arms knowing she got nursemaids elbow. Lo and behold her arm was limp and she was screaming her arm hurt. he called me up to tell me, and refused to do anything until after her nap because he thought she was 'lying'. I told him she wasn't and that it was serious and she needs care NOW, but he refused. The following yr he called me up to accuse me of sending her over with a rash, which she was fine when she left. I told him he needs to get her medical care, because he made it sound like a horrible rash that was all over her face and body, and he again refused then hung up on me. I called the police this time, and they went to his house and it was a "mild case of dry skin". The following month he called CPS on me with lies. Case was closed, and they told me they were going to ignore his future allegations. Both times I contacted Legal Aid and told them everything that happened along with these things, and asked what I could do, both times they told me I didn't have enough to modify the order.
About the drinking. I don't know anything more about it. His exwife told me he drinks and shes taken the keys from him when they have our daughter. I tried to get her to put it in writting and she didn't want to. I've tried to see if he has been arrested, and have been told that he hasn't since 2004 been in trouble for drinking. I have no clue if he still drinks and drives. I never smell anything on him, but I don't smell very well due to a brain injury. Since my daughter is 5, I feel shes to young to have too "look out for him drinking" and I don't want to question her, because I dont want her getting upset
I have also looked to see how she can can a Guardian Adelitim. I've even called the Childrens Advocacy, but they have to be recommended by CPS or law enforcement. And since I haven't had "enough reason" to do a modification or anything she hasn't been able to get a Guardian.
"If your daughter has already seen two therapists, what did they conclude or advise? Why didn't she stay involved with either of the therapists, since nothing about her situation really improved? Three and four year olds, and even five year olds, really don't receive "counseling"--a substantial part of the treatment of such young children involves counseling the child's parents, they are the ones who have to modify their behavior toward the child. Were you and her father involved in such treatment? Even if he was unwilling, the court can mandate such treatment, as well as parenting classes, if the parent's behavior is harming the child."
They did play therapy with her. Neither told me what was going on or if anything was said. The first one was also getting comments by my ex, saying how everything I said was lies, and telling her lies about me. Such as how I call him horrible names all the time and always try to fight with him. I don't call him names, hes the name caller, I try to reason with him and that always fails because he is "always" right. She stopped seeing the first one after 6 months. She seemed happier and the therapist kinda made me mad. She started making a habit of constantly showing up late and never made up for the time lost. Between the drive and the lost time I didn't think she was benefiting my daughter. The second one, I really liked. But it was a much longer drive, and due to my sons health, back and forth between drs, hospitals, specialists and testing it became to much. My daughter also had surgery in Jan (tonsils and adnoids out) and she wasn't feeling good for a month.
I was actually hoping they would involve us. But during the times my daughter saw a therapist they just saw her. Right now I'm trying to find another one for her to see, or go back to the second one. Her father does refuse to get help/counseling. He feels all the problems are my fault. I've tried to get him to take coparenting classes with me. He actually agreed to do mediation, but they cancelled at the last minute due to flooding in their building, and he refused to reschedule. I am going to ask my lawyer and the social worker if they can request he get help.
" But, when the child balks at being with him, as she has done for years, her clear distress has gone ignored and she is forced to continue visits." Her distress has NOT been ignored. I have done everything I can think of to get help. I am the one who has to see her go through this and it breaks my heart, and has to do my best to make sure shes okay. I reassure her when needed, and have to encourage her to go there (by court rules) and tells her how much mommy and daddy both love her and want to see her, I also don't argue with him, or go back and forth becasue I refuse to let her see that or be put in the middle. Today I called the Texas visatation hotline, and was told to make sure she goes to her dads, even if he doesnt give me his address. That I have to go to court to change anything.
"But, someone should seriously consider whether it is really wise for your daughter to spend an entire month with her father this summer. Has she ever done that before? Will she be able to emotionally handle that, given the way her father behaves toward her? On that one you really need a professional opinion." She has done it every yr for the past 4 yrs. She has learned to adapt I believe while at her fathers, to help her. She is a very smart girl, and with his high expectations she has learned how to do what he wants the way he wants it done. I will ask the couselor and the social worker. Unfortunetly the study is the 30th, and she leaves July 1st.