Reply Wed 2 Jun, 2010 11:24 am
My daughter is 5. Shes finally stopped making a fuss about going to her dads. She accepts it now and though she makes excuses to prolong getting in the car, she goes.
I was tol by her pediatricain last week that I should contact CPS. For the past 2 yrs shes had horrible stomach aches that go on for months. Last April Itook her to the dr after she complained for 6 months, and then started screaming and pulling her legs up.
They did testing, xrays and blood work, but wouldn't find anything wrong. Around Feb I told her how when she comes home from her dads this summer we were going on vacation. She asked how long she was going to be gone, then got upset when I told her and asked me not to make her go. Shes been complaining her stomach hurts for a few months. Last month I took her to the Drs. The dr was like "lets have her see a GI specialist since we couldnt find anything wrong last yr. I told her how when my daughter was little she would tell me how she had a baby mouse in her ear that cries all night, and asked if its possible if theres a connection. Like shes making herself sick about going to her dads.

She told me I should contact CPS.
 
View best answer, chosen by alcmommy
dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Wed 2 Jun, 2010 11:29 am
@alcmommy,
what do you think CPS should do about your daughter's stomach aches?
alcmommy
 
  2  
Reply Wed 2 Jun, 2010 11:50 am
@dyslexia,
Im not sure if the stomach aches arent caused by fear, anxiety or something else. If theres a connection or not. Last yr after all the testing, bloodwork and xrays the dr had done were done they couldnt find out what was wrong. Maybe I'm over thinking it, but I just feel theres something causing her pain and I'm worried it has something to do with her father
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Wed 2 Jun, 2010 11:50 am
@alcmommy,
What is your relationship with the dad like? Do you two get along?
sullyfish6
 
  2  
Reply Wed 2 Jun, 2010 12:00 pm
I am assuming you've had the "good touch, bad touch" talk with your daughter. Has sexual abuse been ruled out? I am concerned about the pulling up of her legs when she gets stressed. WHO is in the home when she goes to visit her dad?

Kids need to be given the vocabulary to express what is bothering them. Maybe you could share a time when you were her age and were scared and didn't want to do something. Try to get her to tell you why she is afraid.

I'd bring my child to a child psychologist ASAP if she exhibited these kinds of signs.
Butrflynet
 
  2  
Reply Wed 2 Jun, 2010 12:00 pm
@alcmommy,
Quote:
For the past 2 yrs shes had horrible stomach aches that go on for months. Last April Itook her to the dr after she complained for 6 months,


Quote:
Around Feb I told her how when she comes home from her dads this summer we were going on vacation. She asked how long she was going to be gone, then got upset when I told her and asked me not to make her go. Shes been complaining her stomach hurts for a few months. Last month I took her to the Drs. The dr was like "lets have her see a GI specialist since we couldnt find anything wrong last yr.




How long does your daughter have to tell you she doesn't feel good before you finally seek medical help for her?

Why such a long duration before you took your daughter to the doctor in both instances?

alcmommy
 
  1  
Reply Wed 2 Jun, 2010 12:15 pm
@Butrflynet,
The first time she started complaing was when I was pregnant. Every once and a while she says her tummy hurt. It wasn't every day, sometimes it was 1-2 times a week, then became more frequent.. I'd ask if she had to go potty thinking it was a bowel issue. It wasnt till it started happening more frequent I started actually thinking something was wrong. I asked her father if she complained at his house and he told me no, that shes probably doing it for attention or "because my sister and i were pregnant and complained about our stomachs hurting"(one of his excuses). Hes also told me on numersous occasions that unless shes in the fetal position in pain then shes not really in pain (if she can get sidetracked by the tv then she doesnt hurt).
The second time I only waited about a month hopeing it would pass (constipaton) once it was a few times a week I took her right to the drs.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Wed 2 Jun, 2010 12:15 pm
@alcmommy,
I also wonder, why didn't the doctor call CPS? Are they obligated if they see something suspicious?
alcmommy
 
  1  
Reply Wed 2 Jun, 2010 12:17 pm
@sullyfish6,
Yes we've talked about privates, and stuff. The only one I know of that has constant contact with her at her dads is her father. I dont know who he visits, or who he leaves her with. I've tried talking to her, asking questions, asking how her visit went. Shes very closedmouth about her dads house. She tells me he yells at her alot, but nothing that gives me a red flag theres abuse.
0 Replies
 
alcmommy
 
  1  
Reply Wed 2 Jun, 2010 12:20 pm
@boomerang,
Unfortunatly we don't get along very well. He's very vindictive, controlling and manipulative. For our daughter I refuse to fight with him and go back and forth arguing. If I ask him something that shes said, or Im concerned about he response by saying he knows nothing about it, blaming me or my family (hes blamed my 5 yr old nephew of things) or saying Im lying
0 Replies
 
alcmommy
 
  1  
Reply Wed 2 Jun, 2010 12:21 pm
@Linkat,
I odnt know why she didn't call. She told me to contact them, and said I can give them her number and she will talk with them.
roger
 
  1  
Reply Wed 2 Jun, 2010 01:19 pm
@Linkat,
That was my first and last question, too.
0 Replies
 
Always Eleven to him
 
  2  
Reply Fri 4 Jun, 2010 04:55 pm
@alcmommy,
Doctors are mandated reporters. If a doctor suspects that a child has been abused or neglected, that doctor must report those suspicions.

As for your daughter's symptoms, if the physicians have ruled out physical causes, it's time for the child to see a psychologist, if she hasn't confided anything else in you. Ask your doctor (if you trust her after the "you call CPS" remark) for a referral. Or if you have a large university with a teaching hospital, call that hospital for a referral.

Good luck.
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  -1  
Reply Fri 4 Jun, 2010 05:46 pm
You best course of action is to work on your relationships, with your daughter so that she is more likely to tell you if something happens, and with the father so that she is less likely to try to play you two off each other.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jun, 2010 06:16 pm
Hawkeye may be right (let me express doubt), but I think it is the least wise move. I'd talk to my attorney, or find one who deals with child abuse issues, and connect with a sharp psychologist. Or, call CPS, and maybe that first. I'm no expert on all of this, but I don't like the situation you describe, which seems like signals.
I know attorneys cost money that many of us don't have.

dadpad
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jun, 2010 06:24 pm
I'm not any kind of medical person and have no medical knowledge

Request an ultrasound or MRI of kidneys. What you are looking for (simply explained) is a kink in the tubing that supplies the kidneys. Look for signs of atrophy in the kidney as well.
This kinked tube will usually work OK but depending on what has been consumed and the rate of consumption. Bile can build up in the tube and will eventually result in stale fluid flowing back into the stomache
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jun, 2010 06:26 pm
@dadpad,
Good point, I'll listen to Dadpad. But............... does this stomach stuff only happen re visits to da?
hawkeye10
 
  0  
Reply Fri 4 Jun, 2010 06:28 pm
@ossobuco,
a person who already has a bad relationship with the ex does not want to be pointing towards the ex for child abuse unless they are reasonably sure. The cost of making unfounded allegations is too high. Secondly, any person who invites CPS to invade their lives unless there is no other choice is an idiot. CPS can and often does ruin lives, to include the lives of people who did nothing wrong.

If the money is available without asking the father then perhaps getting the kid in front of a shrink is a good idea, but this can run into serious money, they are often wrong, and shrinks too sometimes destroy the lives of the innocent.

A kid who is five is darn well old enough to know right and wrong, is old enough to communicate bad behaviour of adults, is old enough to be the primary trigger for alleging child abuse. When I read the OP I notice that the mother and the father don't communicate, the mother alleges that the father and the daughter don't communicate well, and the mother does not communicate well with the daughter on at the very least several major important areas. Working on relationships and communication is at least productive, making unfounded abuse allegations has a high likelihood of being extremely destructive.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Jun, 2010 06:33 pm
@hawkeye10,
A person who suspects child abuse should have it checked out, and many times that person is without money.

I prefer the child be seen by a smart physician. I'm not clear how smart our poster's physician is.

I do understand about all sorts of accusations flying wrongly, very well, but I also understand about them showing up correctly.
hawkeye10
 
  -1  
Reply Fri 4 Jun, 2010 06:49 pm
@ossobuco,
Quote:

A person who suspects child abuse should have it checked out, and many times that person is without money.
we are talking about a kid here, not a crime scene where the lab techs are required if one is to find the answer. The kid has a brain and a mouth. My kids were abused at the same time by the babysitters brother when they were 3, 5 and 8...the 8 year old talked first ....she brought it to us... but so did the 5 year old when asked directly. The three year old is a boy and did not, but we don't think that much happened to him. we had no idea that this kid who abused was bad, we knew his entire family well, we thought. If my kid had not brought this to us it might have gone on for a long time. The perp also abused several other kids in the neighborhood, but it was my kid who alerted the adults. I feel good about that.

Having a good relationship with your kids is the first line of defense. Working on this relationship is by far the most important thing one can do if they want to keep their kids safe.
 

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