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Dealing with Toddler Bullies

 
 
Reply Mon 24 May, 2010 08:21 am
So twice now in the past week, Adriana has had a scuffle with a kid at daycare. Nothing at fault with the daycare. Once she was pushed down to get a toy. The second time she was hit in the face by an angry toddler. This isn't an issue with the teachers not watching or anything. It's little kids being little kids. They are being corrected but by then, my kids already gotten beat up on.

How do I keep her from being a punching bag without encouraging her to fight or hit? I spoke to her teacher this morning and she told Adriana that she needs to tell her if someone is picking on her. But I also don't want my kid to become the tattle-tail.

I am at a loss here. Help parents!
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Type: Discussion • Score: 4 • Views: 1,963 • Replies: 9
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dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 May, 2010 08:41 am
all licensed daycare providers must be mandated to provide handgun training. .22 derringers velcro attached to pampers would be a good start.
firefly
 
  2  
Reply Mon 24 May, 2010 09:42 am
@Bella Dea,
Quote:
I spoke to her teacher this morning and she told Adriana that she needs to tell her if someone is picking on her. But I also don't want my kid to become the tattle-tail


When your child tells an adult she is being bothered or harmed by someone else, she is doing exactly the right thing to protect herself. You shouldn't give this a negative spin by calling it being "a tattle-tail". Teachers can't always observe everything that is going on and your daughter should let them know if another child is giving her problems. This is one way that she can protect herself. Sometimes being a "tattle-tail" is exactly the right thing to do. The adults are there to keep her from being hurt.

I would not encourage her to hit or fight back. I would encourage her to tell any child who hits her, or pushes her, that she doesn't like to be pushed or hit and that she will not play with them or sit near them. She should have the right to avoid the children who are bothering her, and the teacher should allow her to do this. Let the offending children, even at the toddler stage, realize the social consequences of hurting someone else--other children won't want to play with them.

If your child is actually being used as a "punching bag" then the teachers aren't doing their job, or they just don't have enough adult supervision in the room. Toddlers have poor impulse control and low frustration tolerance. If they want something, they can tend to push, grab, or strike another child impulsively. If some children are doing this repeatedly, or if one child (like your daughter) is a particular target, the teacher should separate the offender from the group, at least briefly, to emphasize (to all children in the group) that such behavior is not acceptable, as well as to protect the other children. I am not talking about giving the badly behaved child a "time out", I am suggesting that that child be left in the room, but restricted to play alone, at least for a short time, at a special area or table which is at least several feet away from the other children. This table or area should have only a minimum of toys or playthings, so that it is clearly a less desirable place to be. In order to rejoin the group, the child must verbalize some understanding that it is wrong to shove, push, hit, bite, etc. any other child in the room. This method would also clearly show your daughter, and any other children that have been bothered, that something socially "punitive" happens to a child that hurts them--they know that an adult has tried to address the situation, and it is on a level that they can understand at that age.
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sozobe
 
  2  
Reply Mon 24 May, 2010 10:31 am
@Bella Dea,
I agree with Firefly -- at this age especially, telling grownups is exactly what she should be doing. The "tattle tale" thing will develop eventually via peer pressure, and you can deal with that then. But not for a while. This is the age when kids still need a lot of direction regarding what behaviors are acceptable or not.

It happened twice in one week, but did it happen a lot before that too? As in, is this a blip (might just be coincidence) or is this an ongoing thing where Adriana is on the receiving end of aggressive behavior?

Also, is she being singled out, or are there a few frustrated toddlers who are striking out at everyone indiscriminately (and Adriana happened to be one of the "victims"?)

The daycare probably has some good advice if you want to talk to them. I learned SO much from sozlet's preschool teachers.
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Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Mon 24 May, 2010 10:54 am
Firefly is right " it is not being a tattletale when some one is being harmed. It is ok and you should tell on some one if that person is going to hurt them or the child himself, or someone else. Other than that I would not encourage telling on.

One other thought " does your child speak up for herself? When some one pushes or hits or even teases " does she say don’t do that " in a firm voice. You should also encourage her to speak up " say don’t hit me I don’t like that.

Also, is this the same child “bullying” or different children. If it is the same child, ask the daycare center what they doing about that child.
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Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 May, 2010 11:52 am
Thanks guys!

When a child acts out like that, they are put in time out for a few minutes. Fighting over a toy is grounds for the toy being removed completely for the day.

I don't think it's been happening prior to this, and if it was it was on a much smaller level. I only get reports when she's been hurt in some way. She got knocked down amd hit in the face so they do up an incident report. If another kid is just being mean, they don't write that up.

I don't think it's the same kid. I know the one girl who pushed her is older so that might have something to do with it. About a year ago, we had trouble with a kid biting Adriana. The daycare asked that child to leave eventually because he wouldn't stop biting. I know they'll take care of her.
About 2 weeks ago, her teacher told me that Adriana had been hitting. And when I asked her, she told me she hit her friend M. We talked about hitting and how we shouldn't hurt our friends and all that. I haven't heard of Adriana hitting since. So I think I'll simply try the approach you've offered; tell her to firmly tell the other child no and that it hurts or whatever. And tell the teacher.

First one, you know, and I don't want to screw up too badly. LOL

Where as my husband tends to think she is older than she really is (in terms of understanding things) I tend to think she is younger. I think you're right though in that I think she'll understand our conversation.
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 May, 2010 11:52 am
@dyslexia,
Well, I've already taught mine but she is just a terrible shot. What is a mother to do?
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 May, 2010 12:56 pm
@Bella Dea,
It does sound like a good day care - where they had the "biter" removed. I asked if it was one child, because my daughter ended up having an issue with a "bully" in daycare. Again, the daycare ended up removing the child - I also ended up taking my child out earlier than originally planned as a result too. I know under the circumstances that the daycare handled it as quickly and appropriately as possible, but the situation was so startling for me that I felt the need to remove her earlier.
0 Replies
 
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Wed 26 May, 2010 07:07 am
Well, I spoke to the teachers and there is apparently 2 boys there who tend to pick on all the little girls. So it's not just Adriana. They are starting kindergarten soon so it won't be an issue much longer. And the teachers are aware so they are watching.
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Wed 26 May, 2010 07:10 am
@Bella Dea,
Good!
0 Replies
 
 

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