Replacement for the irreplacemeble F-Word?

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I'm a screenwriter working on a section of script. I'm aiming for a PG13 audience. So I'm trying not to use the F-Word. (Granted I know you get two, but I don't want to use them given the script. So how can I replace the F-Word in this section of dialog and still have the same bite?

Erin and Tom have fallen in love, but she never told him that she was already engaged and leaving the state to marry her fiancee.

Here's the scene:

Code:



Tom stares at Erin until she’s forced to glance up at him. 

         TOM

     Why didn’t you tell me?

Time.

         ERIN

     I wasn’t planning on f*cking you.

         TOM

     I guess that’s good to know now.

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Type: Question • Score: 17 • Views: 7,788 • Replies: 51

shagging?

1 Reply

snogging (mainly kissing)
nailing, laying, hitting a home run doing the deed
(have they already done it, or is that just something in a potential future? we might use different words depending on which of those had happened)

1 Reply

@MontereyJack,

knockin' boots.

bumpin' uglies...

1 Reply

@Muarck,

It seems to me there's a bit of intentional double meaning here. Is she saying that (1) she had no intention of going to bed with Tom and/or (2) that she had no intention of messing with his head, being unfair to him?

In either case, 'screwing' would work here as well as '*******.'

2 Replies

"Layin some pipe"

0 Replies

ah, merry may have hit it--'going to bed with' is clear and is ten letters, which ought to put you in the clear, too. tho i see from the tags this is a comedy, so you might want something a little more slangy, or teen-agey, looking for a friend with benefits?

0 Replies

Where's slappy doo hoo, when we really need him?

0 Replies

@edgarblythe,

To me "shaging" sounds like you're just trying to avoid the F-Word. It draws attention to itself that way.

1 Reply

@Merry Andrew,

Merry Andrew,
As always, you are a genius. Screwing is the best substitute I've thought of for that very reason. Because screwing does have all the same connotations as the F-word. (I don't know if the moderators will kick my posts for writing f*ck.)
That maybe the word I'll use I'm just wondering if there might be something a little bit more natural. You don't hear adults use the word screw that often.

1 Reply

@Muarck,

Park your dinghy in my harbor?

0 Replies

Thanks to "Battlestar Galactica" we have "frak", which has a certain currency in nerdspeak.

0 Replies

@Muarck,

bang...

0 Replies

@Muarck,

Another replacement I like is: "I wasn't planning on banging you." It has that harsh tone like: f*ck though doesn't have it's double meaning.

0 Replies

going all the way

0 Replies

@Rockhead,

Quote:

bumpin' uglies

That is ugly. Yuck.

0 Replies

The horizontal mambo. You must see the beauty in that.

0 Replies

Shtupping

1 Reply

@Muarck,

"I wasn't planning on humping you",
"I wasn't planning on screwing [optional: with] you",

or, if your actor happens to be British,

"I wasn't planning on bonking you".

1 Reply

Making love.

Boinking.

Mounting.

Coitus uninterruptus.

Putting the hot dog in the bun.

Taking old one-eye to the optometrist.

Taking the old log to the beaver.

Taking a ride on the wild bologna pony.

Taking the skin boat to tuna town.

1 Reply

Replacement for the irreplacemeble F-Word?

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