When people work with you disagree with your opinions, what do you say to yourself?

Reply Mon 15 Mar, 2010 03:31 pm
When people disapprove with your way of doing things or ideas (not necessary right or wrong), what do you think of it? How do you handle them? What do you say to yourself in order to not feeling cranky?
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Reply Mon 15 Mar, 2010 03:35 pm
I have a doll, with pins (toothpicks) sticking out of it. When someone at work annoys me, I take the doll and I stab the **** out of it. Then I start breathing again and calm down, smile prettily, stand up and ask them if they want to discuss the issue further?
ebrown p
Reply Mon 15 Mar, 2010 03:38 pm
Geez Heeven... that would creep me out a bit.
Reply Mon 15 Mar, 2010 03:45 pm
@ebrown p,
Where the hell is your humor, ebrown!

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Reply Mon 15 Mar, 2010 03:47 pm
Hello zhjuan,

Can you give us an example?
If more people disapprove of your methods you might have to reconsider
your way of thinking and perhaps try their methods to see if they're right.

If it is only one person who disapproves of your way of working, then just
ignore it.
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Reply Mon 15 Mar, 2010 04:05 pm
It all depends.

I had trouble with a peer once; we were both managers of different very large projects. In retrospect, she had a basis for how worked up she was about a lot of issues, with our contretemps just being a side matter. On the other hand, she was in many ways what we call "out in left field". After some controlled, um, discussion, we both went into a nice long passive aggressive silence of several months - which worked out for me, in that I didn't get pulled into some rebellion against the firm owner out of peer sympathy.

Some time later she was "let go", which I had nothing at all to do with. About a year later, we went out for lunch, and have been friends for a couple of more decades.

Really, each of these kind of episodes is different. Sometimes people are right. Sometimes they are dead wrong. Sometimes things are more complicated than that, even very much more complicated.

As to someone just disagreeing with my opinion, it happens all the time, always has. It's how we learn. As above, they could be right, I well may be right, or it might be more complicated.
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Reply Mon 15 Mar, 2010 11:21 pm
Depends on the idea. What I think of people's differing views depends largely on the arguments with which they support them. I don't have a big ego about being right or wrong, so if they have good arguments, they'll probably persuade me. If they don't, they probably won't.

How do I handle people involved if the disagreement persists? Again, it depends on who they are. If it's a superior, say at work, I have no choice but to submit to their view of things. With friendswho are emotionally invested their perspective, I might decide to accommodate them for the sake of the relationship. With online correspondents, and if it's a topic that interests me, I'll probably keep discussing the issue. I enjoy controversial discussions -- they help me think issues through. In other cases, I'll just agree to disagree.

There really is no one-size-fits-all answer.
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Reply Tue 16 Mar, 2010 07:01 am
I like what Thomas and Ossobucco have to say.

If the problem at work is unfair treatment of employees, there is probably nothing you can do about it. One thing life has taught me is that any time you confront someone about something . . . whether it is minor like smacking their gum or major like cheating on their significant other . . . they will deny that they do anything wrong. People in positions of authority often exercise that authority the way they want to. They are never aware of how arbitrary they are.

If the problem is ongoing conversations among peer level employees of a political, sexual or social nature, you will have to ignore it. Most people dislike disagreement. However, when I was in college, there was a girl in the next class up from mine who was very right wing. We often had political talks that were in total disagreement but which were conducted on a remarkably mature and civil level. Where I now work (at the retail establishment), most of the peer level employees are of the same political orientation and our conversations are stimulating. There are also a great many music fans there, so we have that to talk about. I genuinely like them.

There is another sort of disagreement at work among people that may be regarded from the outside as peers . . . and this seems rampant in education . . .that new comers and paraprofessionals are often granted outsider status. In other words, some fields have a definite class structure. Again, there is little one can do about that.

Hmmmm. It looks like I said there is little to be done. As someone once said to me, every place has its own culture.
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Reply Wed 17 Mar, 2010 10:15 am
Seriously tho, I have had someone once tell me that my way of doing a particular project would be better done a different way. They explained in general how it should be done, I thanked them for showing me, tried to adapt their idea, it didn't work for me so I went back to the way I had been doing it. When the manager asked me why I changed back, I explained it was more cumbersome and time consuming than how I had been originally doing it. He was not pleased since I think he wanted it done a certain way but I explained my issues with how he wanted it done and gave him a timeframe (longer) that it would take me to do the project.

Over the years I have put up with a lot of managers/co-workers that annoyed me or tried to correct me when they think they know more/better than me. I, like all egotistical animals think I know it all and hate my methodoloy being challenged. Then, when I calm down, I am appreciative of those who have good ideas and am willing to listen and adapt, but when someone is just talking at me for the sake of sounding good or to justify their position/salary/ideas and not really adding anything of value, I think about their ideas, test the waters a bit, and if it doesn't work, I discard it. I guess I feel I am too old now to be beating around the bush. If I think it's a lump of shite, I'll say it's a lump of shite. My response is generally fitted to whoever I am dealing with. Some people I can be outrageous with, others I cannot.

I once told the head of the office (when a client complained about the time it took me to respond to a project for them) that I never saw him working til 10pm at night while I regularly did and if he wanted to complain about the turnaround for the clients I worked with then how about I cut out the extra hours I normally worked and see how long it took for a "normal" human being to handle my workload. To say he was shocked was an understatement. He caught me at absolutely the wrong time - I was so stressed from an enormous workload and having spent the past year with no personal life because of the long hours I had been working. I don't know why I haven't been fired to be honest. I often say what I am thinking which is not always the done thing. I guess it's because of the fact that I actually do a decent job (even if I do say so myself) and some people actually like my quirky personality.
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Reply Wed 17 Mar, 2010 02:05 pm
My ears are insensitive, my mouth unable to wound.

I wouldn't allow anyone to annoy me, just because their way of doing things is different from mine. Tell him/her your way of doing (whatever you're doing) is different because (discribe why), but you'll be glad to consider his/hers. Smile, thank him/her, go about your business.

Say to yourself: I know what to say, and I say it. I know what to do, and I do it.
Because you DO, of course, know what to say and do. Don't allow this person to make you feel any different. What do you care what someone else says, really.
Reply Fri 19 Mar, 2010 04:03 pm
I've notice your understanding of people skill is amazingly thoughtful and attention to detail. I do need that bit to help me keep my confident stay confident and you did just that. Smile
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Reply Fri 19 Mar, 2010 04:06 pm
Really happy the get all the advice!!! Wink
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