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mother in law is close to death

 
 
JPB
 
  2  
Reply Mon 22 Feb, 2010 06:18 pm
@Chumly,
Chum... if she's truly near the end then is it possible for her to die at home? If she's in the ICU then I'm assuming she's on some kind of life support. I don't want to ask you things you don't want to talk about, or bring up end of life issues but if she simply wants to go home then... maybe that's doable?
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 22 Feb, 2010 06:23 pm
@JPB,
I was thinking the same thing.
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  2  
Reply Mon 22 Feb, 2010 07:24 pm
@Chumly,
Chumly wrote:

She wants ever so much to simply go back home.



Then do it.

There is nothing, at this point, that a doctor can do to change the outcome.
You can hire a nurse to come check on her a few times a day just to make sure meds are up to date , or oxygen tank is in place...etc..etc.

call hospice. They do that for free.

if it is possible, and something you are comfortable with, know right now that it is NOT illegal, it is NOT a requirement to keep her in the hospital and that there is NOTHING that can not be brought home to her.

It can be done. Just expect friction from the doctors. Expect it and put on a hard hat because ICU are hard core. ! But, in death, there is nothing they can fix. An there is no reason one person can not die at home.
0 Replies
 
Chumly
 
  1  
Reply Mon 22 Feb, 2010 07:43 pm
OK I'll see what can be done about bringing her home, it never really occurred to me as a viable option. Essentially she has suffered at least one if not two heart attacks the first of which would have killed her (the doctors claim).

She refuses to wear her "Lifeline Medical Alarm" however as luck would have it my wife arrived to find her unconscious on the floor. She is now hooked up to quite the assortment of electronic monitoring devices as well as catheter, intravenous tubes, oxygen and such. Mentally she fades in and out. She is 87 years old and has a host of age related disorders.
shewolfnm
 
  2  
Reply Mon 22 Feb, 2010 08:01 pm
@Chumly,
and that is absolutely something that can be done at home.

http://www.hospicenet.org/

Find a local chapter. Call them. They will get this done for you. Make sure that you tell them you want her home. That it is her EXPRESSED wishes.

She will be home. With nurses. No cost to you for the hospice care. There may be things that you will be billed for from her insurance.. but that is something that you dont have to deal with now, and so long as you pay them a minimum 5.00 a month, you wont have a credit issue while you work through this.

Versed in home care.
Did it for years.
PM if you ever need .
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Tue 23 Feb, 2010 05:29 am
@Chumly,
Thinking of you both.
0 Replies
 
Chumly
 
  1  
Reply Tue 23 Feb, 2010 05:17 pm
At the moment there is a major concern of Norwalk Virus so in order to visit you must to wear a mask and gown etc. I figure since I have the sniffles I'd best not show. Mrs. Chum tells me that for her it's like an emotional roller-coaster because there are moments of hope in which Mom seems to improve interspersed with times she's sickly and disoriented. Various medical tests continue.
Rockhead
 
  1  
Reply Tue 23 Feb, 2010 05:36 pm
@Chumly,
peace to you, chum.

hang in there...
0 Replies
 
Chumly
 
  1  
Reply Tue 23 Feb, 2010 07:29 pm
Thank you all for your kindness.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Thu 25 Feb, 2010 08:24 pm
@Chumly,
How are the three of you doing?
Chumly
 
  1  
Reply Thu 25 Feb, 2010 09:00 pm
@ehBeth,
Mrs. Chum got some sort of food poisoning and has retired to the spare bedroom with a DND sign. She is sleepless and worried. Plus she is dealing with a 15 year old legal issue that has annoyed us both for the duration.

Mom is unchanged and has eaten a bit today. The doctors have decided that an angiogram is too risky but they are convinced of permanent and considerable heart damage, plus she has a uterine infection (possibly from the catheter).

Me I'm off for two weeks due to the Olympics and am being the rock (at least for outward appearances) also I'm slowly working on improving my lesson plans to keep some focus.

How's you?
Izzie
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2010 06:04 pm
@Chumly,
Hey Chumly

you OK?

How's Mrs Chum today...

and MomChumly?
Chumly
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2010 06:32 pm
@Izzie,
I'm the rock outwardly at least; inwardly times like these make me ask the unanswerable "what's the point if the net result is of no long-term significance?" and the singular answer for me is "only the moment has meaning and only the meaning you give it".

Mrs. Chum has diarrhea in the worst way and seems permanently ensconced in the spare bedroom.

Mom is not too badly off...it turns out she has stabilized enough for an angiogram Monday.

I hope your turn of events finds you in better spirits.
Rockhead
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2010 06:35 pm
@Chumly,
the rock thing sucks, but it sounds like you are focused where you need to be.

imodium to you, chum.
0 Replies
 
Izzie
 
  2  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2010 06:41 pm
@Chumly,
Being a Rock can be very waring Chum. Are you getting out and about a bit and having some normality without feeling you are abandoning the nest.

Do you think Mrs Chum has the Norvolk Virus if that was dx at the hospital. Do be very careful OK. That's nasty.

Try and get out the hosue for a while and shift some of the load on your shoulders - just a walk around the lake may help a bit.

Take care and keep us posted.

We can be a venting rock here... we do lava, pummice and the old vocano or two... vent way when required.

x
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2010 06:45 pm
@Izzie,
Also, some nice gravel..
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2010 06:45 pm
@Chumly,
Lots of nasty stomach flus running across North America right now. Stress doesn't help with the fight against that.

I hear you on the "rock" thing. Are you able to use your music as an outlet?
0 Replies
 
Chumly
 
  2  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2010 06:52 pm
@Izzie,
Very good advice!

I orbited the lake with the dog, I'm watching Victor Borge and procrastinating about my lesson plans (I'll put off organizing them until Sunday).

But the real truth - part of me will die when Mom dies.
Rockhead
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2010 06:56 pm
@Chumly,
and part of her will live on in you.

don't rush the hard thoughts, chum.

they will happen as they happen.

hugs.
0 Replies
 
Chumly
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2010 06:57 pm
Thanks everyone, we'll see which way the wind blows in the coming while.
0 Replies
 
 

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