My little plot of Soil

Having your ex-wife as a good friend sounds great to me. While she may harbor some romantic feelings still for you, as a friend things may be best, for all three of you.
Avery is as cute as a button!

ahhhhhhhhhhh... precious wee snow angel.

cute cute cute!

(wouldn't she be a seedling?)

edit: oops, eorl got there first

just playing in photoshop a little bit

You are correct, as was Eorl, and for some reason when I wrote that post all i could think of was the "let" part for some reason.

So I need advice. She is kind of taking things to the extreme. I don't know what to do.

She seems dead set on getting back together with me. Suddenly texting me all day, (like over a 100 in a day) calling me to chat about nothing, and saying things like "yay I get to see my husband".

I have told her that things are over and that friendship is where things are right now. But she thinks that things could be different and we could get back together.

Why does everything have to be complicated.

Why does everything have to be so bloody difficult. I swear. Like things are complicated enough in my life, someone has to grab a shovel and just throw more on the pile. The saying about the straw and the camel and said back, totally understand that phrase.

It makes my chest hurt and my head hurt. I am not one to hurt someone, and even a simple no is to much for me to say. What the hell am I to do?

Is this a recent development, Seed?

I'd (perhaps wrongly) formed the opinion that you were quite amicably separated till now.

I remember at the very beginning when things were going wrong with you and your wife and you were so hurt. Now that you have climbed over that particular mountain, someone has just plopped another mountain in front of you! Typical!

You have to listen to your heart and your head. If you are no longer interested in making her your life partner then you have to be honest with her, but sweet about it so she does not turn against you or feel insulted. I know it's hard and I know you don't want to have to tell her no in a way that is offensive.

Tell her that you are lucky to have the most wonderful woman as the mother of your child and you hope to always have her as a part of your life. Tell her that you will happily shake the hand of the man who is lucky enough to become her life partner and who will love her as she deserves, and ask her, when the time comes for you to find the woman you are looking for, that she will also be happy for you too.

Tell her how lucky you both are to have met, found young love, shared the joy of a daughter, and now are content to be good friends and co-parents.

Every time she tells you (or texts you) that she wants you or loves you or wants to get back together, respond with something that translates to you two being lucky to come out of a relationship that wasn't right and being able to transform it into good friendship with good parenting/communication. The more often you put it on this basis, the sooner she will realize you are not biting and not interested in getting back together.

I don't know her at all of course so I am not sure if you being completely direct with her and saying "I'm not interested in ever getting back together with you" would be too much. Not sure if she would find that a bit of a slap and resent you and maybe not be as giving with access to your daughter. I would be careful of putting any of that at risk.

Any ideas why this is happening Seed?

You've been talking about a new relationship...not sure if this is still happening? Exes often seem to find it hard when one finds a real new relationship. Just a thought.

No idea why or where this came from. She sent me a message asking to cal her. So I did. We talked. She said she was sorry for everything and that she wanted me in Avery's life more. Which I have been wanting for a long time. She said she would even drive her down to me when ever i wanted to see her.

Then she said that when she looks back on her life and things she wanted in a relationship everything she wanted was what "we had". Which was a lot of yelling. She wanted to know if things could go back the way they were. I said no. I said that being friends with her is probably the best they could go. Then i asked about the divorce papers and how all that was going. (been trying to finish it for about a year now) and suddenly she can not find all the paperwork. -groan-. She is bring Avery down next Saturday to visit and since the arrangements it has been non stop text messaging (like over a hundred in the the past two days) and I do my best to keep my responses from anything she can read into. I even don't answer some of the text messages but she just sends more on top of the unanswered ones.

As for the relationship with the other girl, my ex had no idea about it. This all came about on her own and had nothing to do with anything going on in my life.

So Friday, Avery comes to visit. I am very excited. Saturday she gets to meet Kaylee and Carly, her two nieces for the first time at Kaylee's 4th birthday party. I am very nervous, but oh so excited.

I can't even begin to explain to you the depths of this weekend. Things were so far past anything I thought they would be. It was completely and utterly amazing. My daughter is so big and so mart and just so everything. She is two years old and I have seen her less then a hand full of times. This weekend is the most time I have spent with her since she was born. Friday to Sunday morning. It was the biggest ray of sunshine in my life in a long time.

Elizabeth, my ex, her mother, expected her to be very shy and stick to her most of the time. It was pretty much the exact opposite of what happened. She let me hold her and play with her and love on her like I had been there since day one. She called for daddy at night when she didn't want to be in bed. (I was no sucker, I didn't rush in there to make sure she was ok, don't worry, I didn't fall for the ruse).

Saturday we all, meaning Avery, Elizabeth, myself and my parents went to my sister's house for my niece, Kaylee, birthday party. As a super surprise, my sister got Kaylee a pony for her and all her friends to ride. They all went crazy and loved it. Avery loved it as well. It was Kaylee and her first meeting and that went over so completely well I don't even know what to think about it. One of the cutest things I remember hearing all weekend was Kaylee asking Avery "Do you want me to be your Cousin or your Sister?". She is now 4 years old and is a great little cousin, I couldn't be happier.

I have so many pictures but sadly facebook isn't letting me load them up with my crappy connection. I will have to go to a free wifi spot and do some uploadng so you all can see what an amazing little Seedling I have in my life.

My ex is a very different person now. It's amazing how mature she has gotten in th past two years. She still in love with me. She wants to get back together. I am not making any quick and rash decisions. But I can not lie that there aren't feelings for her left in me. Nor can I lie that being a family and being with my daughter all the time is something that I don't want. It is something that I want very badly. But I will not rush into this.

So much on my plate right now it feels like a second helping just got dished back on before I had even finished my first plate of food. At least I will not go hungry, that I can be sure of, even kind of happy about.

Wow. Wishing the best for you all.

Sounds like a great weekend! I'll stay tuned....

haha to these are "the days of seed's life"

oh!



Sweet little girl, Seed!

TROUBLE...

got a shotgun yet?

(awesome cuteness)

Might as well call me David when it comes to that. I own a few guns. I have a feeling that for some reason the best time to clean them is when she starts dating.