Dear Gustav

always a good idea to keep your buttocks clenched when in the company of priests and such.......tightly as possible....and if you drop your car keys....kick'em to the car. :wink:

I do hope they accept condoms eventually.....it would make confession way less messy....

with a polish pope I'm afraid they'd only authorize the use of crotcheted condoms.....and what good would that do?

I'm attending a wedding tomorrow evening... can you bless Halloween nuptials or will they have entered the dark-side?

Just Wondering...

Gus, I have a question. Actually, relaying a question from BPB, who confided in me.

Will his sores ever disappear from "down below?"

Sorry, Bear, had to do it. I told you the first 100 times, I don't know the answer, and I'm sick of the vivid descriptions.

Also, is dressing up like a pregnant nun for halloween wrong? I mean, it's better than being Hitler, right?

Dear Gustav
Dear Gustav, do dogs understand the language of their caretakers? How many words does the average dog have in it's vocabulary? Can dogs translate their words into another language?

I'm worried that my dog might be retarded. He doesn't seem to understand when I say very gently to him, "I wish you would reconsider that idea," that I don't want him to do what he obviously as decided to inflict on me. Am I not being polite enough? Do I need a dog translater? Do I need a new dog?

BBB

then why slap, after the first time did you pm me 99 times to ask for clarification of the question?

Now you've done it....my self esteem may never recover.......

Dear Gus,

Slappy's kindness in breaking the ice for BPB made me want to do a similarly good deed.

I am wondering if you'd explain a certain concern Slappy brought to my attention.

It seems that while attending a routine rectal examination (don't ask, his doctor has him thinking that a weekly examination of this nature is normal) the doctor confused him by performing the examination while maintaining a firm grip on both of his shoulders.

I haven't had the heart to explain to Slappy how the doctor was able to manage this feat. Could you give him the straight dope?

Thanks, Craven. I was too embarrassed to bring that up. You forgot one detail: why is it my doctor always insists I have a couple beers before the routine examinations?

since it's a slappy kind of day.

dear gus,

slappy has asked if those penis growth pills work. in slappy's latest email, he received a promise that a certain product will add three inches to his current size. slappy is quite excited over this, as those new three inches will double his current size.

Even though it's not the size that counts, and it's the "motion of the ocean," our country is obssessed with size. There's nothing wrong with wanting more than a healthy 3 incher.

Penis or hair Slappy, enquiring minds observing the avatar want to know.

Oh...yea. Hair, I meant of course. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!! HAHAHAHAHAH!!! ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!

Alright.

Now, I'm on an internet forum, so my penis is about 11 inches.

I have been blessing houses around the area and have been unable to answer some of the questions flowing in from my flock. For that, I must apologize. Cardinal Bliancerski and Cardinal Trestrioali are in my study right now, waiting for a condom shipment to arrive so we can burn them in the courtyard as we dance feverishly around the perimeter, our faces radiant, our... ahem... sorry, getting carried away. On to the questions.

Craven, sympathetic man that he is, expressed concern about Slappy and potential abuse.





I was a bit shaken by this news and decided to pay a visit to Slappy's doctor. As I approached the office I heard a noise and glanced in the examination window. Craven was right. The doctor was placing his hands on Slappy's shoulders and then.... dear God.... he thrust forward. Repeatedly. Again and again. I stood in the rain and wept. I'll never forget the look on Slappy's face. Not as long as I live.



I'm sorry, I can not help on this one. I fear Slappy is paying for the sins of his past.

Montana offered this...


?


I consulted with Dr. Gresterhoff on this one. He's a friend of mind who studies mind reading of pheasants. I gave him the photo and asked him to interpret the pheasants thoughts. He told me this:

The pheasant is confused. He is angry at his friends for their deceit. He is thinking, "The boys told me there was a garden here! The bastards! I see nothing but a bunch of pipes, some dried-out cornstalks, a stupid hose serpentining through a fence, and a damn whiskey barrel. I bet those bastards are laughing at me right now."

Thank you so much for your help Gus. Atleast now I won't linger on false hopes.

What am I seeing through those trees in the background, Montana? Is that the ocean? Sky? A lake? Help me out here.

That's a house Gus. The ocean is out front and this would be the more in the back to the side of the house.

No, I'm talking about that light at the right side of the photo. I can identify a house, thank you.

Those lights are spirit-folk gustav....you must exorcise them....