patiodog observed...
Quote:When I woke up, my neck and back were sore, and my feet were coated with a hin, semi-translucent film that could only be removed with the mixture of lemon juice and lye
I would suggest you try to see your back in a mirror. Are there puncture wounds around the middle of the back and in the shoulder blade area? Sounds to me, from my personal experience, that you were captured, drugged, and subsequently dipped into a vat of sheep urine and muriatic acid by a roving band of Argentinean midgets who call themselves the Chocolate Mafia. Your were dipped for cleansing purposes and then laid out on a bed of coconut leaves where they violated you in the most lewd possible manner. Have you experienced any rectal discomfort? Probably not, because of your quick thinking. You see, the lemon juice and lye application may have saved your life. I would suggest you watch your step in the future. Stay to the highroads; don't wander into the moors.
Ceili was deeply troubled and I noticed her forehead was furrowed when she asked me this question...
Quote:Who are They? You know, the They that make the descions, They with all the answers, They who always seem to be up on the newest everything....
They are an ancient group of Druid priests who live in caves in a mountain range somewhere under the Atlantic Ocean. They occasionally come to the surface to replenish their oxygen supply and make more decisions involving the everyday activities of the denizens of the planet. Very few people are aware of their existence. Besides myself, there's my cousin Joe Birddinick , the guy at the feed mill, and some woman in Canada who learned the secret from a talking pheasant. Obviously some secrets should remain just that, so I ask you to just concentrate on your everyday activities and don't worry about who makes the decisions. They're bigger than both of us, Ceili. We can't fight it.
Herr Ratzenhofer:
I know you are busy answering the important questions that others have posed, and I am way back in queue. But, if you can find the time to answer my inquiry, I will be eternally grateful.
I find myself ducking my responsibilities, choosing instead to drink copious amounts of dry sherry while watching the Shopping Channel, Benny Hinn, and Law & Order reruns, hoping that my favorite ass't DA will appear in each episode. I sense I may be wasting my life, but can't be sure.
On the other hand, maybe I've found true happiness. You see my dilemma, I'm sure. Can you help?
Sincerely,
Mesmerized by the tube in Seattle
D, artagan, I will have to check my calendar and see if I can squeeze you in. For now, I must deal with a query posted by Slappy Doo Hoo, which was...
Quote:Gus...when will I get laid?
By two or more girls at once, I mean.
I think I have a solution to this problem. Earlier, littlek asked a hauntingly similar question.
Perhaps she has a friend.
hang on a sec. Slappy has 'a chick', as stated on another thread. Ratz's (I like that nicname) comment should be 'maybe slappy has a friend for littlek', rather than the other way around, I think.
errrrrrrr, I believe Slappy's lookin' to double up, so to speak.
<hic>
Doesn't sound like a no to me.
Dear Gus:
Why are your answers so much more inscrutable than Auntie Lowan's? (I mean your answers to other letter writers, of course. You have helped me immensely, and answered several questions I hadn't even thought to ask.)
Eternally.
Gustav,
My housemate took accidental custody of my keys on friday evening. She didn't realize until this morning that she had them (even though I asked her to look on saturday morning). After spending an hour looking for them some more this morning, being late for work, I bumbed a car from my sister. So, this woman then calls my cell and says, why yes, I do have them. i have them with me right now. Do you need them? DUH! And then she tells me she'l bring them to me tonight. It's 8:33pm and there is still no sign of my housemate. What kinda smack down should she get when she comes home?
I would tie her up and make her watch reruns of Gilligans Island for seventeen hours straight while at the same time force feed her spinach and beat her about the ears with a small cat-o-nine-tails.
After the seventeen hours is up have her lobotomized and turn her loose in an alley in a high-crime area.
(make sure you get your keys before you toss her in the alley)
Can't I just skip the whole torture and just lobotomize her?
No. You follow my directions exactly! If you drift off and try your own methods, the whole doctor/patient relationship will come unraveled.
I can go do my own thing while she's watching gilligan's island, eh?
Is dlowan a hippy?
Which A2K member (female) is best in bed?
Screw that. Which one's best on the kitchen floor?
weel, it apparently isn't me.
Which one would enjoy an invisible partner?
littlek wrote:weel, it apparently isn't me.
Only one way to find out....
Gus, thank you. My mood's improved greatly. I can once again sleep or get down and dirty on the kitchen floor.
Yours Lustfully,
Ceili
Dear Gustav, assuming we actually believe in a Lord Almighty, how are we to know you are his true representative...I mean, it's only the avatar we have to go on....and I must admit, the pope looks a tad less upright these days. I also ponder the swallow's nest questions....was this a particularily popular episode of Iron Chef? I missed that one, must have been actually working.
