Dear Gustav

Dear Sir,

I used to write to one of you on-line advice guys a while back but he simply disappeared so I imagine you can understand why I am hesitent to put my trust in another advisor. I have read the advice you have given to others here and it seems pretty good so I thought I would try an easy question first.

I am considering a move to Kapingamarangi but I'm unsure if they will allow me the pursuit of happiness as guaranteed by America's Declaration of Independence. I know that the Korean Constitution mentions "pursuit of happiness" but I don't really want to move to Korea. I'm not sure if Kapingamarangi has documentation supporting this ideal. In fact, I'm unsure if Kapingamarangi has people, much less a government.

I would very much like to continue to pursue happiness and I want to make sure I can do that on Kapingamarangi.

Can you help?

Dear gustav,

Since you didn't answer my earlier question I shall ask another. I was inspired to move myself from Boomerang's post. I would like to move to Vatican City. What I need to know is if the hats are free, or if you have to rent them, like bowling shoes. Can you help? I have a chronic phobia of hats worn by others....

Heeven, the dear gentle creature that she is, seemed a bit concerned about my health and also my qualifications to broach certain subjects. She said....




My dear child, I have returned from the Mount and carry with me the "Staff of Power." My body may be frail but the "Staff of Power" seems to have a mind of its own. I use it not -- the power is too great-- but sometimes look to it for guidance. ( The nuns in the area are clamoring for me to unleash the power of the staff, but I must restrain.) I seek only to help others, such as yourself.

Now, rest young lady, and be assured that all of your questions shall be answered. May the power of the staff be with you.

Many times over the years I am asked a particular question by tourists. Cav has just asked the same question, which is...




Alas, papal hats are not free, but there are "Luigi's Hats-R-Us" sprinkled throughout the city. Tell Luigi you know me and he'll give you a 20% discount. He also has a new supply of Pope baseball caps that are quite striking. Good luck.

i did not write ahem!


<snort>

ok eva

what did you do with that post?


do you need a bit of a treat for a goddess?




I've just opened my bag of hard candies from Sayklly's in Escanaba - and I had to go see what else they had.

Ahem...........!

I shall appropriate the chocolates. You are forgiven for the snort.

Your Excellency,

I would like to apply for admission to the College of Cardinals. Please send me application materials and info on fees. I would like to apply for next season and can move to Florida for spring training if I'm accepted. I have good fielding skills and can hit from both sides of the plate. Thank you.

Young Phenom

Dear Dr. Ratz,

Just checking in for a follow-up session at your suggestion.

Today's problem: I grew up as a natural blonde, but then the hair on my head grew darker. I still have blonde eyebrows & lashes, etc. I actually look much more natural when I have my hair lightened a bit. Currently I prefer a combination of golden blonde, strawberry-blonde and light brown. Sort of streaked. Much like my avatar. I think it looks quite nice, and I get a lot of compliments on it.

But here's my dilemma. My hairstylist wants to know if I want to schedule color touch-ups every five weeks or every six? I am torn. I am losing sleep. My stylist must have an answer at once. She left three messages on my machine today! What shall I do?!

(signed) Not-Sleeping Beauty

Every five weeks would be the proper amount of time. If you wait an additional week the effect will lessen considerably and the compliments will fade.

Peace be with you, sister.

Dear Dr. Ratz,

Oh, thank you so much! I will call her at once and make the appointment. I knew you would know what to do.

How generous of you to be helping all of us with free advice!

Um, it is free, is it not?

--Eva

It is free, yes, but I must ask you to ask no more than one question per day. I've just answered two for you.... that is very unfair to the other needy souls out there.

Ahemmm.

I suppose I will have to move to Kapingamarangi with only my knowledge of Vatican hat rentals....

<sigh>

{Hi Boomer!}

Hey to you little k!

Did you hear? I have two new sorta-foster grandkids now!

oooooooooooooohhhhh, great news! Still just sort of? What of little baby boomer? Still full time? All yours?

Yeah - still just sorta. This time its even more complicated. And yes, lovely Little Mo is still here. (Thank goodness.) Still the love of my life but still just a sorta-relative.

Today's weather is complication with breaks of frivolity and a slight chance of heartbreak. (Been reading too much Palanuick lately.)

ANYway...... The twins are extreme and gorgeous and healthy as horses despite their six week early arrival. They are spoon-sized and delicious.

Feel free to converse, boomerang and littlek. I'm glad I have brought two old friends together.

Thanks Gus, now answer the woman.

(Boomer - good to hear all is happy if not settled out there....)