@g7yarbro,
I know exactly where you are coming from but without restraint you have the "kill them all...God will know his own" attitude from the Albigensian Crusade. This method was used by Rome and it works. You wipe out any trouble makers and their families, any remaining are terrified, and the area is repopulated with your citizens.
Most people dont want to kill them all. Most want to win if it can be done in a nice way. Failing that, they dont mind losing. The wars we are fighting are against the Roman Way. The enemy are Medieval with their attitude. It is somewhat pointless in killing them only to have the same problem, but now it is us.