my 16 mo old does not sleep well at night help!

Well, I'm not a parent but I'm sure one will be along soon enough. Quick question: have you noticed any difference in the days when he gets to sleep with no problem, versus the days he stays up? More exercise? Less sugar? Less excitement? Something else?

My guess--and this can only be a guess since I know neither your child nor your household--is that you have hatched a Night Owl Party Boy.
He would rather nap and party and nap and party than sleep all night long.

You said it yourself: "This has gone on long enough." Time to put the concept "all night long" into Party Boy's brain.

Put him to bed at 8:30--for the night. When he wakes up, check to be sure that all is well and tell him, "Good night. See you in the morning."

Obviously you and your husband are absolutely delightful company and Party Boy would love to have one or the other of you all to himself all night long. He will undoubtedly be outraged--or broken hearted--or both at the chance of rules. He likes being in charge--but that is your job.

Do not weaken. Check to be sure all is well, but don't reward him for waking you up by rocking and cuddling and social time. You will probably feel like a loathsome child abuser--but by this time next week you will also feel well rested.

Good luck.

Well, it is hard to say but here are some questions that might help in determining the answer:

Has he ever slept through the night?
What time do you feed him? What do you feed him?
Is he bigger or littler than average? Has there been a recent growth spurt?
Is he getting enough physical exercise?
When does he nap? How long?
What's his teething situation?
Does he have allergies or breathing problems?
Does he have a nicely settled go-to-sleep routine?
Do you or your husband have problems sleeping?
Is there a noise that happens about that time? Are you somehow waking him up?
Have you ever used some sort of white noise... a soft-playing radio or something... in his room?
Has there been a change in anything? Somebody new in the house?
Could he be wetting or soiling himself and waking up from discomfort?


As Noddy says, he needs to learn to sleep -- nobody else can fix that for him. You can make sure that he is comfortable, that the bed, room, air and heat are conducive to sleep. Food and drink can make a lot of difference... If he's having night terrors for some reason, then you may need to alleviate that.

I'm fairly tender-hearted and wouldn't feel comfortable myself in just letting him cry, but I am a heavy sleeper and know I didn't always wake up to my children's little whimpers. I would feel completely comfortable in not being friendly, but strictly matter-of-fact in the middle of the night. I'd also feel completely comfortable in not picking him up and cuddling, but just patting him gently on the rear & softly crooning. I sure wouldn't stay up all night "giving him a party."

Sometimes you can tweak things a little to get what you want, but all kids are different. If you answer those questions, we might be able to help you more.

ok here we go to answer your questions:

Yes he has slept all night long since he was 2 1/2 months old.
He gets a bottle at 8:30 or 9:00 and it is milk other than that he gets whatever i make for breakfast lunch and dinner plus snaks.
He is well porportioned the doc tells me.
For excersise....He is always on the go.
He takes one 1 1/2 hours nap a day.
I am pretty sure all that he has left to come in for teeth now are his second year molars.
No allergies or breathing probs.
He does have a set routine for going to bed.
No noises that i am aware of.
No probs with me or my husband sleeping.
I have not tried the music in his room.
No new additions to the family.
He does have wet diapers but i change them also when i get up with him.

I was thinking that maybe it is time for me to put him into his day bed. What do you think about that. Just wondering if you think maybe that could be the problem is that he is just getting too big for the crib. Thank you for all your advise, I do appreciate it.

Stephanie

Its time to reduce the nap significantly.
Wake him up after thirty minutes of his nap.
For the first week or so, you'll have to help him stay awake after the nap.

This will probably help him sleep through the night.

Thanks for the tips. Even when he only sleeps for a half hr a day he still dont sleep all that well at night. I dont know maybe it is just a phase he is going through, I can only hope.

Well, ok. This is what I did.

When the baby wakes up--you go to his room. Don't turn on the light, and don't speak in an animated, 'awake time' voice.

Do not pick the baby up.

Rub his back or make some affectionate, reassuring contact. Speak in a low, reassuring tone. Only stay in there for one or two minutes. Lay him down and cover him up. Even if he hops up immediately--->Leave.

Do this every ten minutes, as long as he cries.

It will be very hard on you--but this is how we broke our children of it. It may last a couple of nights.

It only works if you don't feed him, or pick him up during any of the visits.

Good luck.

Thanks for answering all my nosy questions... you never know what might come out of it. Your baby sounds like he's doing really, really well... except for this sleep thing!

Sophia's ideas sounds good. Another suggestion might be to give him some more to eat... more solid food... either with his dinner or with his evening snack. Maybe he's waking and he's a little bit hungry because he's growing so well. I know there are good suggestions somewhere about what foods are sleep-inducing. Right now, all I can think of is pasta, and that's probably not right for him.

For the white noise I'd suggest a softly playing radio on the local classical music station -- (less voices, more music), and it should be so quiet that you have to be absolutely still to hear it.

The wet diapers... those could be waking him up now that he's getting older and more aware. If you could use the disposable kind at night that take the moisture away from his skin... maybe that would help. Some babies will start to stay dry through the night.

The other thing I'd suggest is to discuss it with him. OK, yeah, he's a baby, but babies understand far more and lots sooner than they can speak. In only the kindest terms tell him that you need your sleep and you'd like for him to ..... (It's the power of suggestion and it couldn't hurt!)

Let us know how things work out. We're rooting for you and your baby. It is so hard (so horribly hard) to feel great if you can't get your own sleep. Best wishes!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Thank you for all of your tips. I will definetly try them all. I do have to say that last night he did sleep all night long but I am thinking it is because he himself is tired from waking everynight, LOL. I take it when I can. I will keep you updated and thanks again.

Stephanie

MOTHER OF 3 BOYS.......LISTEN UP!!!!!!

His nap times are normal length.

Trust me when I say there is something wrong and you need to take him to a different doctor for a second opinion.

Is he talking yet? IF NOT then from my experience I would say he does have sensory issues. And I dont mean full sentences. I mean is he at least saying things like uh oh....no....yuck ?

It is too early to put him into a toddler bed!!!!!!!! Wait until you've had his 2nd birthday party and then switch him into the toddler bed. Right now it would not be a good move with his sleeping habits because it would only disrupt his sleeping routine and cause confusion in his mind.

Wal-mart has a nice music collection of CD's and tapes in their infant department. I suggest you purchase some easy listening music such as classical ( thats what I use ) and play that to see if it relaxes him.

Otherwise, I bet he does have sensory issues and if so ask your 2nd doctor about brushing techniques. I had to use this little brush that looked like a pedicure brush with soft tiny bristles and brush my 2 yr.old who is now 5, everynight for 3 weeks. Amazingly, the sensation of the brush triggered his nerves and helped him to relax to fall asleep. Within that few weeks he was back on schedule to a full nights sleep. DONT FREAK OUT this doesnt mean there is anything wrong with him. The brushing just is used to stimulate the nerves and help them relax...its a sensory issue that goes away eventually!!!

Good Luck.....Hope you can get some sleep soon!!!!

Use this book Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Dr. Ferber. Every parent I know including me has used this book if they have had a problem with a child not sleeping through the night. My Pediatrician recommended it. They main thought is that your child has developed some bad sleep habits. Your child may need you to help sooth him back to sleep. Do not give him a rock or bottle. He needs to learn how to get back to sleep by himself. Basically, you when he wakes up you will let him cry for 5 minutes, go in and just say in a calm voice some reassuring words. Leave and let him cry for 10 minutes, do the same after 10 minutes. Let him cry for 15 minutes, etc. until he falls asleep by himself. We did this and it was so difficult to just let our daughter cry. After a couple of nights, there were no more problems. It was like magic.

Your post brought back some of the memories of Christmas for me

One of my best friends who is in the Army got a 30 day leave after leaving Iraq. So he came to Ohio and spent 2 weeks with me....along with his new German wife that he met while stationed in Germany and their 15 month old son. I hadn't seen him in 3 years so I was excited about having them stay with me.

All was good....except no one ever got any sleep at night. They would put Jordon to bed between 9 and 11. He would go to sleep eventually.....but not for long. When he would start to cry again...they would either get him up and put him in their bed...or they would take him downstairs and let him play till he got tired. Which was usually 4 am or later.

So I asked them what they did in Germany when he would wake up. They said the same thing. I tried to explain to them that was not good.

I did get them to stop giving him so much sugar. They had a routine of giving him milk in the morning and at night ..and at naptime ..IF he decided to take a nap. The rest of the time it was orange juice. Talk about a baby that was on a sugar high When they first got to my house....over the course of 2 days he went through a gallon of OJ. He did sleep better after stopping that....but he still knew exactly how to manipulate them :wink:

It was a long 2 weeks .....but I'm still glad I got to see them.

~Brooke

BE VERY CAREFUL WITH FERBER.

Sorry for the caps, but just want to get that in, for anyone who may be reading in the future. Ferber has been almost entirely discredited.

My recommendation along those lines is "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley.

My more direct recommendation, though long out of date, is to be "dry as toast." (That's from William Sears.) Go ahead and comfort, but just be BO-ring. Don't talk. Lay there. Remove the reason for waking up (playtime!).

Curious as to who discredited Ferber, because it worked like a charm for me and everyone else who has used it. It has not only been recommended by my daughter's daughter, but I have read from many other so-called "child experts". You are the first person I have ever heard to say that Ferber is not recommended. Here is one article by the Baby Center. http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/baby/babysleep/3522.html and
babyzone
http://www.babyzone.com/features/content/display.asp?TopicID=9123&ContentID=10&Page=3

The one thing I particularly like about it is that you do not allow your baby to cry for hours. You go check on them after a few minutes and slowly increase over time so it is not "cruel" as some people may think. Of course each child is different so this technique may not work for you, but as of yet I have not heard of one person who was not successful following Ferber.

I know two, personally... the only two I know who tried it. I'll hunt down some links for you soon.