It was a dark and stormy night....

"Again?!" Gus complained. "Well....okay, but this time I'm rooting for the guy in the blue. You gotta take the red." Occom Bill went to the kitchen for popcorn. Once he had left the room, Gus checked his wallet to make sure he had enough cash to cover their standard Tuesday night bet.

Osso called Dys to remind him of their Paula Abdul conversation yesterday, which propelled Dys into the kitchen to grab more fritos. At this rate, he'll have to buy another whole bag to make that frito pie for Occom Bill and Gus and the family pets. This could be a potential business to distribute salt in the united states, thus undermining any new health system.

What do capybaras eat, anyway? What if they are going skydiving in an hour?

Reluctantly, Dys slid into the passenger seat of Gus's '52 Chevy pickup while Occom Bill and Agnes found places to sit among the hay bales in the bed. Gus started the truck, and the four of them went rumbling down the dirt road toward the private air field.

"Look here," Dys said firmly. "If the rest of y'all want to skydive at night, it's no business of mine, but I'm not jumping out of a perfectly good airplane. I could lose my Stetson," he said, removing his hat and smoothing it carefully.

"I'm not jumping, either," Gus said. "But somebody's gotta push Agnes out of the plane."

Elaine?

[meantime, welcome to 33export; this story will probably confound you. Hang in there.]

No. Agnes. The capybara.

Eh, I figure Elaine has garnered some authority. Just check out her control system.

From the back of the truck Bill shouted, "I can strap Agnes to my chest, Gus. She can jump with me."

"Okay, but I am still not jumping," replied Gus. "I promised Elaine not to do anything crazy."

Dys laughed. "You never mentioned an 'Elaine' before. Do you expect us to believe you, Gus?"

The truck turned off the dirt road into the middle of an open field. A small, white plane was waiting nearby with its engines already running. Dys noticed several large patches of rust on its underbelly.

Bill grabbed Agnes, hopped over the side of the pickup, and ran toward the open door of the plane.

Dys turned to Gus with an anxious look. "I sure do hope they have parachutes on board."

No one had bothered to pick one up on the way out of Gus's cabin.

Y'ah dimwits, this has to do with Chai and editing choices.

"Elaine! Elaine!" yelled Dustin Hoffman.

Agnes, taking advantage of the distraction, started gnawing through her straps.

Agnes had a plan. She must get away from these losers before they decide to skydive without parachutes.

Or at least before the next commercial break. She had a hankering for a Klondike Bar.

{insert commercial here; we gotta pay for this story somehow}

Message from the American Skydiving Association:
"Kids, this is Occom Bill. You too can go skydiving as long as you are trained by a qualified instructor. My first jump taught me that I needed instruction. If you land wrong, you could scratch up your face."

EPA announces air pollution alert.

beyond that, she was at a loss as to what the next step of this plan should be.

That is, until she spied the interstate onramp.

Slowly, she started making her way toward the truck, thinking "I've always wanted to see France..."

However, knowing that Francis was stealthily observing, that thought deterred her from such ambitious goal..

The thought of Francis stealthly observing sent chills up and down her spine.
"I love it when he watches," she gasped.

Then, having realized France was out of the question, she set her sights on
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. "Close enough," she said.

Agnes suddenly remembered that Mame was working in Saskatoon preparing meals for a group of miners. "I hope that Mame doesn't have capybara meat on the menu," she thought. "I know that Mame corresponds with Gus a lot."