Hello my dears, I'm going to relate a true story (ooh, I love stories!) which taught me a great deal about how to live and look at my life. The instructor did not, at all, intend to teach me anything.
This happened some 15 years ago. My mother and stepfather were giving a dinner party; my soon-to-be-husband and me attended.
My stepfather (let's call him BabyHead for convenience) was, at the time, over 70 years old. He was wealthy, had always been wealthy, and had never really had to work in his life. The dinner party was at his swanky house in Coconut Grove, FL.
BabyHead was preparing for the party (hadn't started yet) by cutting up some sorta beef. He planned to make (blicky!) Steak Tartare. Something was wrong with the meat on the cutting board: too much marbling, not enough, I dunno.
After momentary grumbling, BabyHead threw down his knife, yelled, "OH, NO, IT'S ALL RUINED!" and stomped up to his bedroom to sulk for half an hour.
He eventually came back down and finished cutting up the stuff, and (other) attendees to the party just LOVED it, dahling. (My husband and I hated it even after two more cookings and much pushing it about on the plate. I think I sneaked some bits to his little yappy dog.)
Anyway, ever since then, when something stupid annoys me, I tell my husband, "Oh NO, It's all RUINED!" He knows just who and when I'm talking about.
I remember thinking at the time, "Cripes, if this guy had ever had to hold down a job, he would have failed completely at it." And this was not a kid, let me remind you, but was in his 70's at the time.
I've often thought of this incident, so long ago and so apparently trivial, as very useful in my thinking about life and what it means and how to (NOT) deal with things that, inevitably, go wrong.
This handy quote goes along with another, I can't recall who said it but it was a real person: "It's just NOT RIGHT!"
So, fellow A2Kers, has anyone in your life ever taught you something very useful like this, by their actions/behavior, without being aware of it?
My stepfather was very much like that. I cringe at the thought of all the horrible he things he 'told' me about myself.
I was a straight A student in school because I worked hard and studied. (what else did I have to do when he would scream at my mom for hours on his latest tirade?) Anyway, he was for some reason convinced I had to sleep with all my male teachers in order to get those kind of grades. >.<
Oh and I had 5 girls sleep over at my house for my 16th b-day. In his interpretation there were 10 or more girls and several of them snuck off and went behind our house to 'sleep with their boyfriends.' Gesh.
I learned that people can be quite crazy and that I swore I would never marry a man like that. Guess what...I did. Now I am dealing with 'growing' up and coming to realize I was enabling the behavior in my soon to be ex-husband.
... awful behavior that I've learned from has been my own
I only learned to stop doing self-destructive things around my mid-30's.
Before that, well, people were afraid of me and my bad temper, and probably rightly so!
0 Replies
BorisKitten
1
Reply
Sun 24 May, 2009 12:10 pm
@Ashers,
Ashers,
Quote:
Why? Why do bad things happen to good people?
This is JUST what I mean!
You woudna' believe the things people do in my workplace, a public library. Oh, the things they've taught me to NOT, ever, do!
I'll watch this vid whenever I get crabby... hmmm, every day?
0 Replies
BorisKitten
1
Reply
Sun 24 May, 2009 12:15 pm
@mm25075,
Funny, my actual father was much worse than any of my (many) subsequent stepfathers. He told me I was worthless, a waste of perfectly good food and air, ugly, stupid, etc.
As a child, of course, I believed it all.
It took me 10 years of weekly (expensive) therapy sessions to realize he was wrong on all counts. By that time I was in my 30's(!)
At 47, I really feel a few gray hairs and wrinkles are Totally Worth my complete-revised self-image and view of the world.
I'm grateful I put off marrying until I was 35. Any earlier, and I almost certainly would have married a copy of my father. I'm betting you married younger, mm!
I married very young (19) was married a year and realized that I really was too young to get married. I then remarried at 39. Here I am about a year later and made the same mistake. It was has been a big wake up call as I look back at all the men I have 'loved'. It seems each and every one was this way, but were not as smart with their manipulation. My soon to be Ex expected a hug from me today just so that he would answer the door to be served the paperwork. He took the hug, didn't seem to notice that I did not reciprocate at all.
Exactly I have the people here at a2k to thank, they have been an invaluable source of advice for me in planning my exit...errr...HIS exit out of my life.
I have the people here at a2k to thank, they have been an invaluable source of advice for me in planning my exit...errr...HIS exit out of my life.
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