My almost FIL sent me this. It made me laugh.
On her radio show, Dr. Laura Schlesinger stated that, as an observant
Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22,
and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as
many people as I can. When someone tries to defend "the homosexual
lifestyle", for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly
states it to be an abomination ... End of debate. It's in the Bible - end of
argument! I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other
elements of God's Laws and how best to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female,
provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned by Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanliness [Lev.15: 19-24]. The problem is, how do I
tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor unto the Lord [Lev. 1:9]. The problem is, my neighbors claim
the odor is not pleasing unto them. Should I smite them?
5. My neighbor insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states
he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or
should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination [Lev.
11:10], it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can
you settle this? Are there degrees of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around
their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden in Lev. 19:27. How
should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm wherein he violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made
of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to
curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the
trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them [Lev. 24:10-16]?
Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do
with people who sleep with their in-laws [Lev. 20:14]? I know you have
studied these matters extensively and thus have considerable expertise
therein, so I am confident you can help me solve these Divine conundrums.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your adoring fan,
James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
In light of this new information in the Bible, I would like to purchase three Canadians, please.