My little sister.

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So I got a phonecall yesterday - my 17 year old little sister is pregnant.

She plans on keeping the baby.

I am completely unsure of what she is going to do though. She's not the most emotionally mature person in the world, and I don't think she realises just how much this is going to affect her life, and the lives of the rest of her family.

She lives with our 62 year old grandmother, who really doesn't have the time or space for a baby, so once the baby is born she can't stay there. Our parents live abroad, so she can't live with them either. She's far too immature and not the most intelligent or practical person in the world, so she can't live on her own and the worst thing she could do is live with her friends because every single one of them is just as bad, if not worse than her. I have considered asking her to live with me, but as I am currently studying at university and support myself financially, I am not sure how practical this may be.

She is no longer in a relationship with the father as she only moved into the area recently and he was someone she was seeing in the months before the move.

She's adamant that she wants to keep the baby... so the only thing I can do is try and get something figured out. She's not even slightly scared, she's excited... the only worry she has is that her birthday is coming up and she obviously won't be able to drink. She's brilliant with kids, but I'm not sure she's going to be as good a mother as she believes she will be.

I have no idea what to do. As her older sister, she's very open to my advice and knows that I only want what's best for her - I just don't know what to do.

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Presumably the delivery is not imminent, so she has some time to make a plan.

IMO, she needs to get her act together so that she's not dependent on charity from friends and family to make sure the baby has a place to live.

Nothing wrong with charity, mind you, but she needs to be certain she can meet her obligations to the baby.

What are her prospects for a job? Day care? Apartment?

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Yep, I hate to sound unsupportive here but if she has no means to take care of herself or a child then she has two options. Abortion or adoption. She's being completely selfish, thoughtless and stupid and your family will be making a huge mistake if they accommodate her.
Didn't she see Juno?

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@DrewDad,

She has until August, roughly six months left assuming baby arrives on date.

She just lost her second job in two weeks, and missed the interview for another job because she had just been to the doctor's appointment that gave her the news o.O

I know the family won't mind helping her out as much as they can, we are all being as supportive as we can be. She is however a bit of a wayward teenager and very very very immature for her age so it's difficult to try and make sure she is doing the best she can for the child, as she has lots of silly childish opinions and ideas.

At the moment my main concern is that she is very emotional and temperamental naturally (we nicknamed her the Drama Queen from an early age) and obviously her pregnant state will only make her worse at times. My grandma is not the healthiest person (she has very high blood pressure) and naturally I don't want any additional stress on her.

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Have you asked her? If not, wait for a while then ask again. Then ask again. Ask her what her plans are - again. When she starts to show, she will finally get the fact that a baby is on the way. She MAY be able to formulate a plan by then. Then again, maybe not. . . .

If she can't, then at that time the family can begin to bring in outside help - Social Services, for sure. She is technicially a minor (now) and authorities usually will step in.

The most important thing is for you to not get dragged in on this or think it is your responsiblity. Try to hand this over to her parents. They need to step up to the plate and help her get a plan.

It is not your job to come up with a solution or plan for this girl. Your job is to get your life in order by finishing your education.

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@sullyfish6,

sullyfish6 wrote:

It is not your job to come up with a solution or plan for this girl. Your job is to get your life in order by finishing your education.

Yes. You are not required to derail your life because of your sister's poor choices.

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@Eliane,

Eliane wrote:

I have no idea what to do.

Keep on with your own life.

Your sister and your parents can sort this out without you, and should.

You could perhaps suggest that she start looking for a place to live once the child is born. Among other things, she'll need to learn to budget, but that's not up to you to teach her.

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She can't move in with me! I've got enough going on. Just want to make sure the conversation doesn't start to go that way.

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My little sister fell pregnant when she was 16.. she, as your sister, was not mature, was not financially stable, and was not scared, but excited. But.. she is an amazing mother, and her little boy is now 7 and wonderful... they have had it rough, but she loves him immensely.... it can work...

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How did it work?

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Is there a planned parenthood or other organization around her that she could get counseling. I think she needs help and unfortunatly it seems there is no family available for help. They could advise her on what is best for her and her baby. If she decides to keep her baby, they could help her prepare for raising and caring for the baby.

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I don't know why we're so prone to take other people's issues on as our own. It's ridiculous, not to mention exhausting since people rarely do what we tell them. It's hard enough living your own life and sorting out your own stuff without deciding to add to it by taking on someone else's.

As others said, this is not your problem. Your parents should be looking out for her.

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My sister realised that she had to do what she had to do. Her prtner was very violent also, and she took him to court and had him sent to prison so that he was not around the baby. Sometimes young women can be very strong and very responsible. She had a gut instinct to protect her son, whatever it took, and her strength, and courage led her on to be a wonderful mum. He will never doubt that she has no regrets in having him.

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My little sister.

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