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short story for correction

 
 
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 11:13 am
Hi everybody

Could someone please go through this short story and correct it for me. Many thanks for your help.

One hot and humid afternoon, school had just ended. Jack, James and John saw an injured stray cat. Instead of pitying it, they, being naughty, threw empty cans at it. It went behind a garbage bin, to avoid being hit by the cans.

“Ha! Ha! Look at the frightened cat! James said. The other boys were amused. They continued throwing empty cans at it. “Meow! Meow!” the cat mewed as blood was oozing out of its head.

“Hey! We should use our water guns and spray water at it instead,” John suggested. The other boys agreed and soon they were happily spraying water at the helpless cat. It mewed and mewed while the boys continued to torture it.

“Stupid cowardly cat!” John laughed as he criticised the cat. The other boys laughed too as they found John’s remark amusing.

“Why are all of you torturing a helpless cat?” a voice shouted. The boys turned round and were shocked to see their school principal. “I’m going to call your parents.” They asked the principal to give them a chance, but she did not budge.

She asked Jack to take the cat to the school and later asked one of the teachers to take it to a veterinarian for treatment. She informed the children’s parents about their cruel deed. Their parents were so angry with them that they promised the principal that they would punish them when their children returned home. The principal thanked them for their cooperation in disciplining their sons.
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View best answer, chosen by tanguatlay
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 11:21 am
Johnny, Jimmy and Jackie were horribly afflicted with associative identity disorder. The Gauleiter for their school caught them torturing a cat in an inefficient and clumsy manner. She reported them to Child and Family Services, and they were all put on a heavy regime of drugs, and now sit at the back of the class an drool.
0 Replies
 
JTT
 
  2  
Reply Sat 24 Jan, 2009 12:49 pm
@tanguatlay,
One hot and humid afternoon, as school had just ended, Jack, James and John saw an injured, stray cat. Instead of pitying it, they, being naughty, threw empty cans at it. It went behind a garbage bin, to avoid being hit by the cans.

“Ha! Ha! Look at the frightened cat! James said. The other boys were amused. They continued throwing empty cans at it. “Meow! Meow!” the cat mewed as blood was oozing out of its head.

“Hey! We should use our water guns and spray water at it instead,” John suggested. The other boys agreed and soon they were happily spraying water at the helpless cat. It mewed and mewed while the boys continued to torture it.

“Stupid cowardly cat!” John laughed as he criticised the cat. The other boys laughed too as they found John’s remark amusing.

“Why are all of you torturing a helpless cat?” a voice shouted. The boys turned round and were shocked to see their school principal. “I’m going to call your parents.” They asked the principal to give them a chance, but she [did] would not budge.

'did' works too]

She asked Jack to take the cat to the school and later asked one of the teachers to take it to a veterinarian for treatment. She informed the children’s parents about their cruel deed. Their parents were so angry with them that they promised the principal that they would punish them when their children returned home. The principal thanked them for their cooperation in disciplining their sons.

===============

Forgive Setanta, Tanguatlay. He's been immersed in things emotional for the last week or so and he hasn't yet got his emotions under control.
tanguatlay
 
  1  
Reply Sat 24 Jan, 2009 01:14 pm
@JTT,
Hi JTT

Many thanks for coming to my help. After I read what Setanta had written, I was wondering why, instead of helping me, he had written something which confuses me and I wonder whether he is having some domestic problems.

Being a non-native homemaker, I'm trying to help my son and daughter improve their compositions so that they do not trail behind too much their classmates who can afford private tutors.

I had been literally waiting for several days, hoping for another native to improve on the composition I've corrected and amended for my son.

Believe me, I checked on my post twice or three times a day and I always saw what Setanta wrote. Even my son asked me why he was helping me in this funny way. I didn't know how to give him a rational reply.

When I saw your initials, I was glad because I knew that you would, as you always do, provide the help I needed.

I deeply appreciate your help. On the other hand, I hope Setanta will recover from his personal problems.

Many thanks once again.

Best regards

Ms Tan
JTT
 
  1  
Reply Sat 24 Jan, 2009 02:31 pm
@tanguatlay,
Quote:
On the other hand, I hope Setanta will recover from his personal problems.


I'm sure that he will, Tan, and he will then, once again offer his valuable advice on composition.
0 Replies
 
Butrflynet
  Selected Answer
 
  2  
Reply Sat 24 Jan, 2009 11:52 pm
@tanguatlay,
Hi Tanguatlay,


I have a few questions.

Who is it that is giving your son the assignment to compose these stories? What is the frequency of these assignments?

How is the theme or subject of the story being determined?

What is being done with them once we've reviewed, corrected or edited them? Are they being turned in to his teacher as homework assignments, or is this being done at home as a home schooling effort?
Butrflynet
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Jan, 2009 12:14 am
@Butrflynet,
By the way, I just reviewed the last 7 stories you posted this month for correction and find that in all but one of them someone made corrections within 48 hours of you posting it. There is one from the 20th that has still not had a response.

You keep creating new threads with the same title "short story for correction." It is very easy for us to think we've already seen them when they're all the same.

Also, please remember that people are doing this for you in their spare time. You may not always get instant responses to the requests.
tanguatlay
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Jan, 2009 02:27 am
@Butrflynet,
Hi Butrflynet

Who is it that is giving your son the assignment to compose these stories? What is the frequency of these assignments?

My son's and my daughter's English teachers. Once a week.

How is the theme or subject of the story being determined?

Based on pictures shown, they have to compose stories.

What is being done with them once we've reviewed, corrected or edited them? Are they being turned in to his teacher as homework assignments, or is this being done at home as a home schooling effort?

As their teachers are non-native, I would prefer natives to check and improve on the version.
0 Replies
 
tanguatlay
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Jan, 2009 02:38 am
@Butrflynet,
Hi Butrflynet

Sorry for posting more than once. I was afraid that if I do not post again the compositions that have not been corrected might be forgotten.

I'm sorry about the title being the same. In future, I will submit compositions under different titles.
0 Replies
 
 

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