Custody over my unborn child

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I want custody on my child that I will soon have. I am not married to the guy, he cheated on his girlfriend with me, and his girlfriend is a minor. So I am struggling with what i can do to get child support and have custody. I want child support from the father and also want my child to have my last name. Is it possible to have both? Do I have to put his name on the birth certificate as well give his last name to my child to get child support?

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Type: Question • Score: 11 • Views: 11,598 • Replies: 25

@VANESSA L,

What state do you live in?

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@VANESSA L,

You don't say which state you live in but the following may help you.
http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Sole+Custody

BBB

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@VANESSA L,

If you are in the US, I think every state requires the father pay child support. The courts will go after him if he doesn't. To be assured of custody you will need a lawyer. I'm not sure how the last name and birth certificate works.
I wish you luck and a healthy birth .

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@VANESSA L,

Perhaps you can supply more info here? Please understand that most of us are not legal experts here, but we might be able to find you online resources with our ability to do research.

What sort of claims will HE be making? What sort of relationship do you currently have with him? What is he asking for from you? Does he even know of the unborn child? Has he denied the paternity at any point or currently? How old are you? What state or country do you live in? What if any help (financial or legal) will your parents supply?

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I am in the U.S. I live in Idaho. I am 19. Ever since the father found out I was pregnant he has denied it's his. For him being 18 he acts really inmature. For example he says either I raped him or that the baby isn't his. So he has done nothing to really help out in the pregnancy. I live with my mom and step-dad, so they are helping me out for a place to live. Even though I have no job, in return for rent I help out around the house. I have medicaid and have WIC to help out more with finacial concerns. The father of the baby is more busy living from house to house and with his young girlfriend. Though I do admit he calls, but thats every 2 or more months, and when he does I don't answer because it's 2 in the morning.
So when I go to court for custody, (when that comes around) I hope that the judge will see how the father is in hope that I will get custody. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I want my baby in a good environment that is with a parent who admits they had made a mistake of what they did but will never deny that it's my baby, a human that has me in them.

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@VANESSA L,

You really need to speak to a family lawyer. I don't think you will have a problem getting custody, but the father will be given visiting rights- if he wants them. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy who is going to want to take care of a kid. The court will determine child support based on his income. If he doesn't pay they will garnish his wages or put him in jail. I think you are mostly going to have to rely on yourself and your family. I would suggest going back to school and getting the best job skills possible. I don't think this guy is going to offer much in the way of support emotionally or financially.

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Here is some information relevant to Idaho: http://www.stlukesonline.org/boise/specialties_and_services/childbirth_and_parenting/birthcerts.php

Quote:

Q. What happens if I leave the hospital before making a decision about what to name my baby?

A. If you do not list a name for your baby, St. Luke's will hold the Birth Certificate Worksheet for approximately 10 days. During this time, you may return to the hospital and provide the name to our Birth Certificate specialist. You will need to bring legal photo identification with you for this purpose.

If a name is not provided within 10 days, the baby will be given the mother's last name. The worksheet will then be forwarded to the State of Idaho Bureau of Vital Statistics.

Q. Can my baby have his father's last name, even if we are not married?

A. Yes. However, be aware that paternity is not established simply by last name. Legally, you can choose any first, middle or last name for your baby. In order to establish legal paternity, you must fill out a Paternity Affidavit. Click here for more information about paternity.

It sounds like you can give the child any surname you choose as surnames do not reflect paternity.

But please do keep in mind that he will not have to pay child support if he is not legally established as the father through paternity testing and that as the father he will have rights regarding the child.

I doubt you'll have any problems at all with maintaining custody.

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@VANESSA L,

The best thing to do is to speak to a lawyer. A lawyer can clearly lay down all options for you.

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@VANESSA L,

i believe that if the father is not present when the child is born you cannot give the baby his last name because he has to sign something. if he is denying he is the father then you need a court ordered DNA test and if he refuses then he is automatically named the father and will be financially responsible. Also if he is giving you a hard time about it then you have the option of finding someone to adopt the baby in his place (you will still have custody) which will relieve him of his financial responsibilities and all rights to the child which means that the person who adopts the child in his place will be legally financially responsible but the good news is the child's father will not have any rights so he cannot take you to court for custody the baby will be all yours but of course you would need to speak with a lawyer who specializes in this kinda thing. that would be the route i would take. why deal with that kinda stress from a man who doesn't want anything to do with your child?. it's not worth it

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What a horrible thread! This man is the father damn it. You are talking about keeping him from his child.

Assuming this man wants his child (the original post implies there is an issue with custody) he should have every right to be a parent that the mother has.

It is amazing that in this enlightened age of "equality" that fathers are still not considered to be parents. How else could one explain the lack of outrage at this poster, who wants to deny a parent access to his child? Would anyone here accept this if a father wanted to write the mother off the birth certificate?

This man has every right to be on the birth certificate of his child.

Instead of getting a lawyer, why not put aside the pettiness and work with the father, with whom you created a baby, and figure out how to give your child (and his child) the best life possible.

This baby has a mother and a father. Pretending that fathers don't exist is ridiculous.

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@ebrown p,

Did you miss this?

Quote:

Ever since the father found out I was pregnant he has denied it's his. .... For example he says either I raped him or that the baby isn't his. So he has done nothing to really help out in the pregnancy. ..... The father of the baby is more busy living from house to house and with his young girlfriend. Though I do admit he calls, but thats every 2 or more months, and when he does I don't answer because it's 2 in the morning.

Pretending that the baby isn't his is pretty ridiculous too.

In this enlightened age of equality if he wants to be treated like a parent he'd better step up and start acting like one.

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@boomerang,

Quote:

Did you miss this?

I have no idea what a father is supposed to do for his child before the child is born. Helping with the pregnancy would be helping the mother, being supportive of her. If the mother and the father have already decided that they are not going to have a relationship outside of possibly being co-parents then the demand that the father help the mother has a sadistic bent to it. Helping the mother is not a requirement for being a good father in any case, except as the mothers condition impacts the child.

The first step is to establish that the guy has a child, for which a genetic test is required.

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@boomerang,

Yes I missed that... but I also have trouble buying it. It sounds we are hearing one side of a Jerry Springer episode. If he is pretending that the baby isn't his... then what is the issue with custody?

Quote:

if he wants to be treated like a parent he'd better step up and start acting like one.

He is a parent (or will be when the baby is born) whether his ex-girlfriend wants him to be or not.

The issue is that fathers aren't treated with the understanding given to mothers. Fathers don't have the options or rights that mothers have. And Fathers aren't given support when they make mistakes or need help.

You have automatically jumped in this little spat and assumed that the mom's version of the story is correct-- to the point that (presumably) you support writing the father's name off the birth certificate.

Why don't you tell mom she should start acting like a mom if she wants your support? Part of that is accepting that the guy she chose to make a baby with is the father.

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She never said she wanted to cut him out of the kid's life -- she said she wanted custody and wanted the child to have her surname and wanted child support from the father.

She did not say that the father would not be allowed to see the child, just that she wanted custody.

I think her want list is pretty reasonable.

What is he supposed to do while she's pregnant? How about calling more than every couple of months? How about taking her to her doctor appointments? That would at least be a start.

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@boomerang,

Quote:

What is he supposed to do while she's pregnant? How about calling more than every couple of months? How about taking her to her doctor appointments? That would at least be a start.

Absent a fetal DNA test establishing that this guy is the father, that would be going above and beyond the call. I love how women claim the right to decide without the fathers consent whether to bring a baby to term, but then also demand that the guy they claim is the father must help with the pregnancy if the woman decides to go that route. If the law is that no woman can abort without getting genetics done, and then getting the consent of the father, THEN women would have the right to demand help with the pregnancy. Not before then, except in the case of a marriage contract.

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@boomerang,

Quote:

Do I have to put his name on the birth certificate ... to get child support?

Sure (not knowing more of the story of their relationship), he should call her and help with doctors appointments. But these things are about his relationship with the mother of his child... not his relationship with his child. And, I would remind you that we are only hearing one side of an obviously stressful story.

When it comes to the child, there are two parents; a mother and a father; who should have equal responsibilities and equal rights. The idea that the mom can dictate the child's name on her own, or can get automatic custody because she is the mom is unjust.

One would hope that they could come to some agreement in the interest of the child without lawyers. The father (after hearing his side of the story) should have equal chance to have custody if he wants it.

1 Reply

@ebrown p,

Quote:

Sure (not knowing more of the story of their relationship), he should call her and help with doctors appointments. But these things are about his relationship with the mother of his child... not his relationship with his child. And, I would remind you that we are only hearing one side of an obviously stressful story.

alleged child, the facts are not known to him or to us. Only the mother knows who put sperm into her. Women have been known to lie when they feel it is in their best interests. Science has shown that a fairly large percentage of children are not genetically linked to the men the women claim is the father.

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A birth certificate doesn't establish paternity.

She doesn't want his name on the certificate and she doesn't have to put it on there. She can give the child any surname she chooses.

Mo's other mom had twins a few years after Mo was born. She knew she didn't want to parent and she knew she didn't want to be with the man who was the father.

She wanted to have an abortion.

He asked her to have the children and that he would raise them.

She didn't, he did, she pays child support.

I've know a lot of single fathers. My own father was a single father following the death of his first wife -- she died in childbirth.

I don't think that it is all that rare for a father who wants to parent to parent.

I think it is fairly common for the father to take a powder in relationships such as the one described above.

But you're right. We're only hearing one side of the story. Still, it's a common story and therefore believable.

1 Reply

@ebrown p,

Well if you read her second post she said that the father has been denying the baby since he found out she was pregnant and that she" raped" him somehow. How pathetic is that. Since he obviously doesn't want the baby and he's denying it then what would be the problem with him giving up his rights if someone else is willing to adopt the child and take on the responsibility. Why should he have rights to a child he doesn't want?

1 Reply

Custody over my unborn child

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