Talk to me like a redneck.

They is, BPB. They is.

"Y'all gonna eat, git in here an' git at at it; caint have the hogs waitin' all night fer the slops"

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."

This is going over the line of good taste I know...but here goes....

Q:What do rednecks call relative humidity?

A: The pool of sweat that forms in the small of their sisters' backs during anal sex......

Why do rednecks like having sex doggy style?
-So they can BOTH watch NASCAR.

Yew makin' fun of NASCAR boy?

I'm with ya, cav, lets git that iggerunt sucker an' whup 'im a goodun. Trash talkin' Nascar's bad as cussin' in church ... mebbe worser.

Mmm hmm. Speakin' of NASCAR, I wuz readin' on the interanet that they's makin' a remake of 'Birth of a Nation' starring none other than Dale Earnhardt!

We'aalll.... That be purt'n'eye, butt not plum. Coz thonly berth we be havin is dazee th' dooooogz yunguns acomn oon.




'hock..hock...hock......spit...an wipe (on sleeve) and slick back hair.'

Hey, y'all...don't nobudy be makin' no fun of nascar!!! Fans like thems'll woop yur hide!

Now there's an American For Bush.....

I's sho as hell hope that's a vest...

40 Things You'll Never Hear A Redneck Say

40. Oh I just couldn't, hell, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrestling's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who gives a crap who won the Civil War?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
12. My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen
5. I don't have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
1. You All.

This thread must be getting to me!
Last night I dreamt I atended a broadway premiere of "Wild Eyed Southern Boys," A musical featuring the compositions of 38 Special and Lynard Skynard.
Its a touching story of two brothers, Seth and Jeramiah, and their struggles to find happiness. Seth longs for admission to truck driver training school, so that he can gain financial idpendence and buy his own trailer. Then he can marry his lifelong love...his twelve year old sister Alli-June, mother of his two children.
But Allie -June has other plans, and longs afer her other brother, Jeremiah, who doesn't know that the youngest of her children is his.
Jeremiah's dream in life is to become a fire and brimstrone preacher and bomb abortion clinics. He yearns to bring the sexy widow March, a tender strumpet who lives in a double wide (with electricity!) at the edge of town and is shuned by most of the community for her loose virtue, (although said loose virtue does pay for the electricity!) to God, or even just to make her say his name repeatedly whilst preceeded by the syllable "oh".

Ya'll.
(long pause.)
(spits)
I'm only gonna say this once-st, and I mean, once-st.
(sighs)
What makes you people think rednecks talk like any of this sh*t? Ain't one of ya'll even used the word YA'LL yet, what kind of sh*t is that? You think you could walk up to some motel lobby desk in Stillwater, Oklahoma, or better yet, a poolroom bar in Sallisaw, talking this crap you been putting on this thread and not be seen through like a goddammed screen door? What? Think you're slicker than deerguts on a doorknob, don'tcha! Sh-t. Gawd-ammed rednecks spot your Yankee ass in a New York minute and have you run out to your blacktag, piece of crap, shi-thole of a RV with the goddammed radio tuned to f-cking EN PEE f-cking ARE for chrissakes! Right before they whup your sorry ass like a stepchild.
(spits)
And what the hell do ya'll mean by mixed company, PD? What kind of lowlife crack wuz you making then? I knowd what you think you said, but ya'll dint. Best think again. No sh-t.
(Bites down on lower lip.)
Tell you what. I'll give you a three count to hush up before I start swinging this axhandle. And don't let the door hit yuh in the ass on your way out!
(spits)
Hand me that long neck, Earl, I'm dry as punk.


They gone yet?

(The preceding has been a message from the Ridgerunner Hillbilly Okie Tarheel Cracker Anti-defamation League in conjunction with you-know-who.
Dint mean no disrespect. Any threats jis as harmless as a fart in cornfield. g'nite ya'll.)

Kinda a fun thread, though. I laugh too, but here in Timberland, the tallest structures around are silos, there are more John Deeres than minivans, SAABS, and Volvos combined (and quite a few Combines, too), more chainsaws than lawn edgers, more rifles than computers, more bakesales than bridge clubs, and more down-to-earth, straight-on, just-plain-good-folks than anywhere else I've ever lived. A redneck might punch you in the face, but he'll never stab you in the back.

excuse me? I did so use the word y'all.

Yeah, so'd I ... coupla times, but I weren't gonna mess up thuh boy's joke.

dangit! Sorry Joe.

Yore about as badass as a popcorn fart, Joe.

I could whip you while I's sleepin'.

Yo wan' step outside and lessee?

Git on outta here. Don' let the do' hitchya where the Good Lord splitcha.