@hurtandconfused,
I'm going to parse your post out into paragraphs. It's a lot easier for us to read it that way, okay?
hurtandconfused wrote:
About a year and a half ago I told my husband of fifteen years that I had fallen in love with another man. I know it was unethical and went against everything that I believed in, but I could not help my feelings for this man.
Thinking that honesty was the best policy I told my husband, he preceeded to attempt to commite suicide and stabbed himself in the heart. I called 911 and he was walking around yelling at me hysterically and before the cops could get there he took off in his truck, fled from the police and ended up crashing his 4x4 truck into three cars. He was airlifted to a hospital with life threatening injurys. He survived his injurys and then was admitted to a psych hospital for evaluation and was diagnosed with bi-polar.
In the meantime I thought the best thing was to try to work the marriage out. He was eventually sent home. I spent a month in pure misery, he was very mean and rude to me and I was scared of him. I ended up having to call the cops again cause he was freaking out tyring to throw stuff at his mom and my mom who were trying to calm him down. He agreed to goto another psych hospital.
I went to counseling with him there at that hospital and informed him that I was going to be moving in with my mom as soon as he got out of the hospital. My kids were 14 and 11 and we agreed that it would be best for them to stay at the house with him, so they wouldn't have to uproot there whole lives. I knew that they were safe with him, because I knew that I was his trigger to his anger.
I picked up my kids everyday and I had them all day on Saturdays. I was paying for all the bills, because he wasn't working. It was very stressfull having to go over there everyday to pick up my kids not knowing what kinda mood he was in. I had to file for a restraining order, because he kept harassing me and going to the man whom I was in love with house.
This went on for almost a year untill he was sentenced to three and a half years in prison for the felony flight and aggravated assault with his truck. Of course my kids were devastated and of course all of his family blamed me. By now I had moved into a house with the man that I was in love with.
When my ex husband went to jail my kids moved in with me and by now the man I was in love with was living with me too. My kids got use to him and us all living together. My son was alot more accepting of things then my daughter. She just seemed like she was never happy.
I became preganant and we were all pretty excited except for my daughter. It just seemed like no matter what I did she was still unhappy. One day she informed me that she waas thinking about moving in with her grandmother (my exhusbands mom). When my exhusband went to jail all of his family told my kids that they could move in with them if they wanted to.
I asked my daughter why she felt this way and she at first told me that she wanted something different. Then she gave me excuses like that all I care about is the new baby when I purposely didn't talk about the baby, because I knew how she felt. She told me that I dont treat her like a child no more and that I yelled at her all the time, but the only time I yelled at her was when we were fighting about her moving out.
I told her that I didn't want her to move out and that I loved her and that if she blamed me for everything that it wasn't fair, because her father made the decisions to do what he did and that is why he is in jail. She also made the comment about punishing me for causing all these problems.
Anyways, I came home from work the day before Thanksgiving and all of her stuff had been moved out. She didn't leave me a note, she didn't call me and tell me that she was moving out she just went to her Grandma's.
I have people telling me to give her some tough love and let her be and cancel her cell phone and to not let her move backright away if she wants to come back home.
Then I have other people telling me that I should call the cops and tell them that she ran away and make her come home.
I am very confused about what I should do. I know that she is trying to punish me for what I did. When I left them with there father, I called them every morning to wake them up, I picked them up after school, I called them before bed and told them good night and she hasnt even called me since she moved out.
I dont know if I should be the bigger person and call her first. I just dont know what to do. She doesnt see the things that I have done for her and I dont know how to prove to her that I am still a good mom and a person even though I fell in love with somebody else. Can you please help me!!
She's 14. You will need to make the first move in this area, but recognize that despite all of the other issues you two have had, she is also a teenager and seems to be acting out. Your former mother-in-law is not helping things one bit and is enabling this behavior. You are also enabling the behavior by permitting her to continue to have a cel phone. Unless the phone is needed for you to have contact with her, I'd say, feel free to cut it off. You need not fund her leaving you.
I take it that you have custody of your children through the courts. If necessary, you will need to push it with your former mother-in-law, but for now you might actually want to leave things the way they are. Give the daughter a chance to grow up a bit and give yourself a chance to have the baby and get things all squared away, e. g. not be in the process of recovering from childbirth if she decides to have it out with you.
A lot of bad things have happened, but a lot of good things can be in your family's future.
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