Comfort - need it - having panic attacks.....

Hello Mismi just wondering how are you doing today?

Hi Dr. Mom, I have not had any more attacks...not the desperate, feels like I am crawling out of my skin kind anyway. I am not sleeping well. Which I told Dev may just be the norm for a while.

I worry - I worry about stupid things I cannot control. I keep trying to push it aside, meditating on great things, my faith, my family, my blessings....but I manage through the day to hear something that will find a way to wedge itself into my subconscious and decide to come out at 2:00 in the morning. But honestly, I have taken that time to pray for friends and family, to count my blessings and to breathe. I really have not been the worse for wear to be honest. I seem to be dealing pretty well with it all. And I am functioning a little better during the day this week. All in all I am encouraged.

2007 was a hard year for me...my husband traveled a lot, I was lonely, when he got home we fought. So I kind of floundered for a while, I fell away from some steadfast framework of beliefs that has given me strong foothold my entire life. This last year he quit traveling and I have been so happy to have him here. I feel like I have found my way back to what is important to me through these " anxious episodes". I have really had to step back and take a look at what was important to me, what I could do about the things that weren't right and then make them right the best I could and lower my standards (which were really high) for things that were not that important.

I have my faith in God, my family and my friends - many here on A2K to thank for this. I am sure I will still struggle - but I feel more encouraged and positive than I have in a long time.

Thanks for checking on me

Glad you're feeling better Mismi. You are wise to not embrace worry as it disturbs your peace and sense of well being even as it accomplishes absolutely nothing of value or purpose at all. I can't think of anything proactive that you can do that you haven't already figured out to do. Good job.

Thanks Foxfyre...you have been a big help! Truly what you and others have said on this thread helped me so much. I really am so thankful.

i love you mis


x

love you too Iz - (hug) x

I wonder why I am not really convinced. I should just take your word for it but I feel it would be inauthentic. You are trying to make us feel better so we can stop worrying about you?
Why do I think that doing more and different of the same will give you the same predictable results that you have been getting?

I just wrote this massive epistle about how I am fine and that you really don't need to worry - but it was so laborious to read.

I do thank you for your concern but just know this Dr. Mom, I am better. I am not over it. I am struggling with bouts of anxiety still. But, it is not consuming me anymore. I am more productive during the day - I think as much because I am holding my thoughts captive. I will not allow myself to think beyond today. I take care of what needs to be done to make tomorrow better - but I do not worry about things I cannot control. I have to tell myself constantly that we have all we need right now, I can't worry about my husbands job and what if he loses it, I cannot worry about what if I can't find work, I can't worry about how we will pay for the kids college - what I can do is know and take comfort in the fact that I have all that I need right now. I have more than I need right now. I will continue to look for a job. I will continue to trust that God will provide for us tomorrow - in whatever way he chooses and it will be enough. I will be wise with the money and the time I have now and I will take it one day at a time.

I trust God, I look at all the things I have to be thankful for - remembering them moment by moment even. I fill my day with things to do that will make tomorrow a little bit better in my little world. I cannot control beyond that - even though I want to and it would consume me if I allowed myself to dwell or become enmired in those things that I cannot control. Which is really what I wanted to do. And breathing - when I get overwhelmed - slowing down and remembering that it will be okay. This is how I am managing. I am not great, not carefree, but I am much better than I was. And it may be a long time before things really are okay - but I do have much hope. And hope is an amazing thing. Truly.

This was still longer than I intended it to be - sorry

I think as much because I am holding my thoughts captive. I will not allow myself to think beyond today.


Your comment I pasted above, well, concerns me.

First off though, I think you will be all right in the long run, in the big picture. So don't take this as criticism, I'm just relating to my own journey with anxiety attacks.

I spent a long time holding my thoughts captive, controlling them, controlling myself.....IMO that in itself, the mental (and physical) energy required to stay in control, is anxiety producing itself.

You realize there's a problem, I thought it was all about control. Finally the day came when the damn burst, and all control was swept away.

I'm concerned that if you try to control it yourself too long, without finding and addressing the root cause, it could happen to you.

Now, this is totally my opinion, but I don't believe anxiety is caused by a particular event, i.e. husband losing job, etc. I think it's either genetic, and/or the result of long, long term stressors. If you're prone to anxiety, if it wasn't your husbands job, it would be something else.

I don't know, just something for you to think about.

Also, "controlling" your thoughts is no way to live. When the day finally came that I realized I wasn't forcing myself to not think of something....I just....wasn't thinking of it.....it was a very joyous day.

For the first time in a long time, I was just "being"....and it felt great.

Everyone has to go down their own road, I can't go down yours, but I can share with you what my path was like.

Thanks Chai - I am thinking on what you have said. It may very well be that there is a root cause...

I will take it all into account.

Chai, that's some good advice, I say. Whatever you do, don't "stuff" it. Unfortunately it just tends to come out some time later, and sometimes worse. If you can think of, or find the 'root' cause by all means, name it! Talk about it. It's like a 'boogey man' or any scary monster. It loses it's scariness when it's brought out into the light. Still thinking of & praying for you, mis-. J

Hey, sweetie -- I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. As a lifelong anxiety sufferer who is the parent of an anxiety sufferer I agree with Chai that it's either innate or stems from something that goes way back in time. BUT, panic attacks can be triggered in the already anxious person by a particular stressful event. Low-level, chronic anxiety is different than suffering from panic attacks. I don't necessarily think living with low-level anxiety requires intervention but living with uncontrollable panic attacks (or even controllable attacks if they become chronic) would probably tip the balance for me getting some help.

Your dad's illness, your baby starting school leaving you with an empty house to look at all day, the economy, your day-to-day routines changing, etc., all could be adding up to trigger your attacks. I hope your level of anxiety is reducing to missy's normal baseline. I hope missy's normal baseline is something that keeps you grounded, not panicked.

HUGS!

hiya chica,

I was reading something this morning and thought of this thread. It seemed to apply but take it for what it's worth.

Question: How can I set right a tangle which is entirely below the level of my consciousness?

Nisargadatta: By being with yourself... by watching yourself in your daily life with alert interest, with the intention to understand rather than to judge, in full acceptance of whatever may emerge, because it is there, you encourage the deep to come to the surface and enrich your life and consciousness with its captive energies. This is the work of awareness; it removes obstacles and release energies by understanding the nature of life and mind. Intelligence is the door to freedom and alert attention is the mother of intelligence.

Nisargadatta Maharaj, I Am That, taken from "Wherever You Go There You Are", by Jon Kabat-Zinn

Hugs!

Thanks JPB...I am going to have to read that a few times
hugs to you...
miss you! You must be really busy