Caribou Barbie Goes into Hiding

A gem from Tbogg at FDL:

Seeking to lock up her states exceedingly valuable three electoral votes, Sarah the Obama Slayer has been dispatched back to Alaska as sort of a "**** you, come and get me" to the national press. If one were cynical (which I am) one might think (and I do) that the Republicans are hiding Caribou Barbie away from America since that first dinner date went so well and they don't won't anyone to see the fundamentalist/creationist/extremist spinach stuck in her teeth.

Actually the fact of the matter is that this has been a whirlwind courtship ("Hi. My name is John McCain. Please to meet y- Marry me! I'll leave my wife. I've done it before!" ) and there are many things that Sarah needs to tie up back in the forty-ninth state (suck on it Hawaii! Boo-yah! Loser! Came in last! Loooooooser!).

* Winter is coming and Sarah needs to start stocking up on food by canning moose jelly, moose niblets, moose pate, and moose mac & cheese.

* School is starting and middle daughter Willow wants to get back before all the good hockey players are taken and she's all alone during the rutting season.

* Sarah and Todd Palin need to once again take up the search for missing sixth child, Hoop Palin (because Sarah played basketball) who was "taken by a dingo" as a baby.

* Cram sessions with Joe Lieberman who will explain to her that Jews are not treacherous Jesus killers who steal Christian babies and drink their blood. Just in case, Trig is spending the week at Aunt Heather's.

* Sarah needs to work on her jump shot. Todd needs to work on his beer and a shot.

* Sarah needs to get away from John McCain for awhile because the relationship is "moving too fast."

* Sarah's "red-headed friend" is coming for a visit and if you think she was a raging bitch during her speech...

* Pining for the fjords

* "Nucluar" - "No, nu-cle-ar" - "Nucular" - "No. Say it with me, nu -klee- ar" "Nucular." "****. This is ******* hopeless."

* Bear hunting season is coming and they need the fur for Bristol's wedding dress.

* Being in the lower forty-eight gives Piper nosebleeds.

* Need to track down and kill at least thirty nine people in Wasilla who "won't keep their ******* mouths shut."

* Thirty nine heads to be stuffed and mounted for wall in children's game room.

* Tired of Cindy McCain referring to her as "Eskimo Tits".

* Misses the pine fresh smell of the great outdoors. Won't miss the old man smell of pee and creamed corn.