What is "strict" and is it good?

Me too.

I think that we are already strict with Adriana. Not because we're mean nasty parents who don't want our daughter to grow up to be a unique and independent thinker. But because she needs boundaries and needs to understand that her way is not always the best way.


She's still little so the strictness is very different compared to say Mo's. Her rules are more rules for her safety. However, i think that they are still very important in grooming her to become a productive member of society and a good, wholesome person.

Tantrums are ignored. I don't let her play with things I don't want her to touch even if she screams at me for taking it. She is expected to sit down in the bathtub, the shopping cart and in her high chair and when she trys to stand I tell her to sit down or we are leaving/getting out. Going to bed at bedtime, even if she isn't sleeping she has to be in her crib.

My definition of strict is setting rules and boundaries and sticking to them, no matter what. Too many parents give in to their kids early in life and that's what they learn; piss and moan enough and you'll get what you want.

I think your strictness with Mo is excellent and it sounds like he is turning into a fine young man. You are not making him a clone. You are making him be the best Mo he can be.

I hope it's enough, Setanta. Mo loves to help around the house so I save the easier jobs for him. He would probably adore ironing because he would surely see it as just another tool, and he loves tools.

I actually wish they were a little stricter at school, more regimented at least. I think that would reall help Mo.

I buy all of Mo's clothes so there isn't anything too outrageous. He does decide what to put on each day and sometimes that means camo pants with a striped shirt and a football helmet.

I think where it might become an issue of gossip is that by the end of an average day he will be positively filthy: covered in paint, or dirt, or dog hair with playdough stuck under his fingernails. You never see "dirty" kids around here. Seriously. They are made to change clothes if they get dirty.

I don't think there is any chance of Mo being a pod-kid. But fitting in is important and he has enough social problems as it is (according to his teacher especially). I guess I wonder if getting strict on some of these things might help him out in the long run.

Thanks dlowan. I don't really care if I am the object of gossip, I can deal with it. What bothers me is that both of these kids said things in front of Mo and their wording was so much the same that it pricked us both. Mo is very observant -- he is the one that was asking about it and that's what started me even thinking about it.

There is only one person I talk to to about any of this -- my neighbor the psychiatrist who works with children and has her own RAD kid that even she doesn't completely understand. We typically talk about it as moms in the same boat and not in any kind of professional advice capacity.

That was hilarious, FreeDuck, thanks for the laugh and for getting exactly what I was trying to convey between okay and not okay stuff.

That is the kind of thing he always wants to share with his friends and I have to remind him that I don't make the decisions on what his friends get to see and do.

Like last week - we watched a show on Discovery about shark bites and Mo was telling his friend about how gnarly it was. I could tell his friend's mom was horrifed that I'd allow Mo to watch something like that.

I'm not really worried for me, I'm worried for him. I don't want people to gossip about him because kids pick it up and repeat it back and it hurts his feelings.

I'd be interested in hearing more about these parenting styles, DrewDad and soz if you could point me in the right direction I'll read up on it.

<sigh> Bella, you make me wish I could redo the first two years of Mo's life. I hope he's turning out to be a good person, we're working on it (countdown to neuropsychologist T - 5 days).

hey boomer. I found a wiki link on parenting styles here. It's basic but has some further reading references at the bottom.

I'm another one who gave my kids more info than many parents and had a few instances where they were doing sex ed 101 on the playground with their young friends. We definitely had the discussion of me saying that every parent gets to decide for their child when said child should get certain info and just because they knew certain facts didn't mean they had to educate the masses. Probably a waste of breath on my part -- some dirt is just too good not to share.

At the same time I consider myself strict in the rules are in place for a reason realm. I've always encouraged the girls to work towards changing rules they consider arbitrary or unfair (including my own) rather than ignoring them. So I don't let them get away with much - hence, I'm strict - but I don't sweat the small stuff either.

Picking your battles is precisely what you should be doing. You get to decide what stuff is big enough to hang your discipline hat on. The rest of it is small stuff. However, the conversation about sharing juicy tidbits with the masses can't hurt.

Thanks for the link, JPB, interesting stuff there.

I'll flatter myself and say that I'm an authorative parent. I know I'm not a permissive parent by any stretch of the imagination but...



.... sounds kind of like Mo -- except for the "unhappy" part. Mo's pretty happy.

Mo does have poor impulse control and inadequate emotional regulation and he is kind of immature in some areas. I think it's more of a result of his neurology than my parenting but maybe I DO need to reevaluate some things.

I see how someone might assume I'm permissive when I'm actually not.

Which I think is exactly what Deb was referring to in her previous statement.

With you as a mom, I have no doubt.