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Wed 16 Jul, 2008 12:41 pm
Couldn't decide whether to put this here or in Trivia, but here it is for now.
One of my love-to-hate managers is famous for saying stupid things. He is most famous for the phrase "full speed ahead" -- uttered directly after another person on the call gave a brutally honest explanation about the need for requirements and client engagement before the development team could actually do anything. So now whenever we run up against a brick wall at work we yell "full speed ahead". Sometimes he varies it a little -- he's also been known to utter "full steam ahead".
What stupid things does your middle manager say?
He said "You're fired!" What an idiot, huh?
How about "let's keep moving the ball forward, team".
"There is no 'I' in 'team.'"
But there's a "me" if you look hard enough.
It's the slap on the back by the high mucky muck that used to get me. It would be followed some time later with one of the staff being fired.
"Let's make sure common sense is the order of the day."
"Don't work harder, work smarter!"
(Translation: try to get a kajillion things done during your normal work hours -- because we don't want to pay you overtime)
team work - I team, you work!
Dont come to me with problems, come to me with solutions.
IfI'm gonna do that that I want the money you earn buster.
Translation: I dont want to take responsibility. You give me the solution, Ill pass it off as my own unless it goes wrong, at which time it was all your idea.
Problem is; middle managers aren't good at thinking outside the box. Paving the cowpath and rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic overextends their creativity by orders of magnitude.
My former boss: When will you be able to finish this project, I want this done in a day!
wow, thanks for asking.
That's funny, especially because it's so typical. Don't you feel like asking how many interruptions and changes of concept you're going to have to put up with, before you make a prediction?
Welcome, by the way.
Cute.
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