Are some kids destined to be bullied?

I can't really answer your first question, other than it may appear your little guy is being picked on - things that don't bother you, may bother others, which is really hard to understand.

I work in a school and there are some things that certain kids do all the time that the adults teaching them just can't fathom - they also can't react - but all kids have their own little quirks - some endearing, some annoying.

As for your neighbour... sorry, but she is bang out of order!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot imagine an adult doing that and I don't quite know what I would do if a neighbour did that in front of my kid. Nasty nasty nasty.

I totally get that kids can be annoying (I have two) they are also so very loving and sweet. Sometimes it's hard to believe it's the same two kids. I wouldn't worry about it so much, it's just that his little brother can be right there with him, and be the one doing the wrong thing, yet it's the older one that gets it. He is a very sensitive child too, he has strong emotions and gets hurt easily. As for the neighbor I have tried to explain to them about Karma, and how some people are just nasty but it eventually comes back to them. I didn't tell her off, what would be the point? My kids know what she did was wrong. It's hard sometimes to not lose it and let my bad side take care of things. A part of me wanted to get back at her, but then I wouldn't be any better than she is. She has a fabulous garden, that I wish would die on her. How bad is that?

Is he a ginger kid with red hair? From personal experience ginger kids with red hair are picked on more by adults mostly because they're so easily identifiable. As in "Yeah! It was Dylan and Cody and I saw that little red headed kid there too."

BTW ginger adults are usually amenable to ginger kids, mostly because they know of the troubles they're going to face.

Sunburns and constant blame are a bitch. Try explaining a sunburn to the football coach.

Rap

Well she may have a fabulous garden but she isn't "blooming beautifully" on the inside .... so, try not to harbour the ill-feeling (we all do that occasionally) - just steer the kids clear of her nastiness and encourage them just.... to be kids. Kids can teach adults a lot - maybe they will teach your neighbour how to be a good neighbour (silly moo!) :wink:

My son doesn't happen to be a ginger haired kid, light brown that turns more blonde in the summer, he's just your everyday average kid, average height, weight, nothing that makes him stand out physically. He plays with kids of all ages babies to teenagers and makes friends easily. It's the adults that are the problem. I was the same way, no kids were mean to me, but adults sure were. Maybe he inherited my "vibe" that singles him out.

I'm no parent, but yeah, he might have a 'vibe'.

I've noticed that sensitive kids tend to get the hardest hit by adults who have some steam to let off and don't have the controls (or refuse to use them) not to direct their own anxieties and such at kids.

Especially if he has trouble standing up for himself, or hasn't really yet been taught there is a need for that.

I know this may be simplistic, but a grown up who would pick on a kid really is still at a not so developed stage of development themselves, and like any bully, they are only going to bother on the 'easy pickings'.

Especially if he shows his emotions easily and readily, and especially if those are vulnerable feelings, the grown up bullies will find him an easy mark and I'd predict actually that he'd get more of it coming his way. It just makes them uncomfortable to be even around or see a kid showing all that emotion.

I don't think it is something that is destined. I think part of it is things a child learns, or can learn. And part of it is the grown ups around in a kids life.
Also, really the parents. And how they deal with it when they see or hear of their child being treated badly. How they deal with things when THEY are treated badly.

He might need a better way to have a way to deal with it when it happens and to be able to send the message "You won't be picking on me again" because there are actual concequences when the grown up tries to bully. For such a little kid, that's usually in the form of grown up 'back up'.

Did you follow through on that neighbor? To make sure it absolutely doesn't happen again?

That sister in law, my god, sounds like my family growing up! And I tell you, when I see things like that starting around kids now, with me around it won't get to the point of chasing < either intervene, calm the situation, or take the kid out of the situation if need be.

Instead of thinking of getting back at one them, find a way to make sure it absolutely doesn't happen again with them.

good luck to you and the little man!

I'm afraid some kids do, indeed, seem "marked".

I agree with others here that appearing reactive to baiting is a big factor.

I think one can often help kids with this...eg rehearsing with them assertive responses, or heavy-duty ignoring.

The being picked on by adults thing is concerning.

Do you have any really, REALLY good friends...and are you non-defensive enough to hear it and still be friends with them!....who might be able to give you feedback on anything the little fella may be doing which makes him stand out????

My middle daughter has alot of those qualities. Her little sister will walk up and take something from her, and she'll cry rather than assert herself and get it back. The thing that concerns me the most is that eventually all the built up frustration catches up with her and she gets really, really angry... which can be so hard to handle. It worries me that she learn how to get rid of this anger rather than let it build up and explode.

I'd be outraged about my neighbor doing that to your kids' ball! There's no excuse for her doing that. Sounds like somebody still is a bully. I'm wondering how you handled that issue with the kids... rather than let her destroy the ball so spitefully, did you talk to her or to them about it?

Just wondering. Hang in there... I'm a firm believer that our sensitive kids will come out on top!

Re: Are some kids destined to be bullied?

Er... Am I the only one that sees that as seriously disturbed? Like the ball is an effigy of the poor kid?