Fathers babysitting their own kids.

Re: Fathers babysitting their own kids.

ebrown_p wrote:

One of my pet peeves happened again today...

I was in the park in Boston watching my daughter and a couple of her friends playing. An older gentleman asked...

"Are you babysitting while the wife shops"?

"No", I replied a bit annoyed at the question.

"So you aren't watching these kids?" He asked.

"Yes, I am watching my daughter."

"So you are babysitting?"

"I said she is my daughter. I am NOT babysitting."

The gentleman looked a bit perplexed. So I took a breath and tried to explain as calmly as I could.

"I am a parent. What I am doing is parenting. When my wife watches her, no one says my wife is babysitting."

"Well, " he continued... looking a little taken aback "It is nice that you are helping out with your daughter."

A bit frustrated that he still didn't get it, I bit my tongue on a more caustic response.

"It's not that bad. My wife helps out with her too."

The man wanted to compliment you for playing a part in your daughters life. Many men are not so involved.

Your response was to be annoyed at his phraseology.

I would say the problem is yours ebrown.

Perhaps next time you can not be mr vingartits and accept the compliment in the way it was intended.

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Not handy, but I can get it for you.

He's a visiting lecturer at a local university and retired minister.

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JPB wrote:

1) We are becoming a matriarchal society. Today's role for patriarchal involvement is fast becoming the role of providing the seed and financial support. He also said that he envisions a day when neither of those are required either.

Great. It's not like we don't have pressure to "do it all" now.

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Dadpad, I fail to see how the assumption that I am just helping my wife with her kids, rather then being a real parent with my kids, is a compliment in any sense.

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Exactly my point ebrown. You fail to see the compliment.

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dadpad wrote:

Exactly my point ebrown. You fail to see the compliment.

And you fail to see the slight, sweetheart.

By the way, I really like the way you dress, honey. I think you will go far around here.

((not all nice comments are compliments))

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You can lead a horse to water.... etc.

Perhaps there was something in his tone or manner that lead you to think this was not a compliment. I did not see mention of this in the original post.

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The thing is, you have to consider the source. The was an 'older gentleman' who, in his generation, likely did not parent the way you do, epbrown, so it WAS a compliment, coming from HIM.

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What interests me is a discussion about the negative views of fathers that are prevalent in our society.

This particular conversion with this gentleman is tangential to the larger issue (for the record, we ended amicably after he told me how beautiful my daughter is). I can bring up other examples of the problems father's face in society if it would help-- Obama's speech being just one example.

JPB's post is the most interesting in this respect.

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Why focus on the negative? The fact is that we've come a long way re parenting in many areas. The younger generation (younger than mine) seems way more involved, way more cognizant of child development and its various stages, and more attuned and attentive to the needs of children than my generation. Focussing on the lacks and negatives is destructive. Do you have something positive to add?

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so.. why should I look at someones slap and automatically forgive them and think of it as a compliment when it really hurt?

( see your point,but I agree with ebrown..)

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Mame wrote:

Do you have something positive to add?

Men are as decent, hard-working and caring as any other gender and make great parents.

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I have seen more outstanding single fathers then single mothers lately.

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shewolfnm wrote:

so.. why should I look at someones slap and automatically forgive them and think of it as a compliment when it really hurt?

( see your point,but I agree with ebrown..)

He only took it as a slap because he was sensitive about it. If he'd considered the source, he'd have understood the guy was being complimentary. The guy didn't say anything offensive whatsoever that I could see. Over-reaction on ebrown's part.

When an older guy calls me "hon", I take it as how it's meant. If a younger guy called me "hon", I would likely construe it differently.

I know several younger men who are just as involved in parenting as their wives. My SIL is a case in point. I don't find it particularly admirable - it's as it should be. Why should men get kudos for doing what they're supposed to do?

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Mame wrote:

Why should men get kudos for doing what they're supposed to do?

that is exactly ebrowns point.
This is what men should do. And it is odd that people still think otherwise.

But I wont speak for him.

I absolutely DO see your point. I understand that this man was not being rude. But.. I see it as ..

if someone were constantly poking you about.. I dont know. being a WOMAN.. after a while.. even though the pokes, jabs and other comments were not meant to be rude, it would still be bothersome to be at the brunt of them all the time. Especially when they were just out of the blue by a stranger.

Eh.

I see both of your points and agree with both of you. Wink

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Shewolf... I just want to say I appreciate your support. You are one of my favorite people to agree with.

Mame, I am simply asking for equality. Fatherhood should be respected the same way that Motherhood is. In in my mind, any good parent is worthy of admiration and a great number of kudos.

What bothers me is the way that Fatherhood is discounted. When people assume that kids are nurtured by their mother... and the father is just there to help out, I find this insulting.

If you treat mothers and fathers equally as parents... then I don't have any gripe. My issue is that society consistently reveres mothers and discredits fathers.

Let's respect and support parents.

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I think that is happening, being acknowledged more and more, epbrown... this fellow was an anachronism. Sure you're probably tired of it. I used to get sick to death of being whistled at. Nothing I could do about it, though, just keep on walking.

More and more men and women are changing their expectations and involvement, but there are still at least two generations out there from a different time. Some of them will never get it. No matter what.

For the record, it's patently obvious to anyone with a brain that you are an involved and caring parent; it comes through all your relevant posts.

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If that comment were made to a woman... Someone walked up to her and asked her if she was babysitting, it would be common place and expected that the person who said that would apologize as if it were an insult to assume other wise.

For a man? ... no..

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Maybe... but I would never assume a dad was babysitting. I'd assume he was playing with his kids. Weekend dads, too.

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see. I would too.

But, I would assume that based on yet another sexist idea that I own.

Men. are not. hired . babysitters.

it is usually young, college aged women..

so. Im sexist. Shoot me with a tampon will ya?

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Fathers babysitting their own kids.

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