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Mom in the middle: fathers, sons and sports.

 
 
Reply Tue 6 May, 2008 09:11 am
This is complicated so I'm going to try to simplify the story. Please feel free to ask pertinent questions.

At Mr. B's urging I signed Mo up for baseball. Mo is on what they call a "farm team" which is a step up from T-ball but not yet little league - they play with simple rules and it is supposed to be an introduction and just for fun. His team is part of a neighborhood league that is HUGE.

Just before practice started the league sent out an email saying that the team might not happen as they didn't have a coach. A coach signed on but he needed some assistants. Mr. B signed up to assist.

Now Mr. B is not some wannabe athlete. He truly doesn't expect Mo to be some super star. Mr. B's ego is not attached to Mo's performance.

But ohmygod how Mr. B and Mo fight. Mo gets daydreamy and doesn't pay attention which makes Mr. B furious. Mr. B gets mad and says, to me, that he thinks baseball is not such a great idea. Mo gets sad and says, to me, that maybe baseball isn't such a good idea. Meanwhile they have stopped communicating with each other about anything.

They're both wrecks. I'm a wreck. Seriously, this baseball stuff is driving wedges between everyone and it is beginning to affect all of our relationships.

Truly I am at a loss about what to do.

Mr. B can't really quit coaching at this point as the team depends on him. Mo still wants to play despite the fact that it is turning out to be not so fun. I'm just sick of the whole stinking mess.

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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 3,205 • Replies: 43
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nips
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 May, 2008 09:48 am
ya could sit them both down and make them talk about their differences, as Mo is only a child Mr B should not be pushing him so hard as kids do have a nack for changing their mind.
0 Replies
 
quinn1
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 May, 2008 09:56 am
I say either sit them both down or at least have a very honest heart to heart with Mr B.
Perhaps it is that he is unable to do the disconnect as a dad thing. Or maybe he is like that to all of them? Is he pushing them all hard maybe? Or is he doing the take it all way to seriously?
Not sure- just guessing here but this should be a time when they can bond better, not worse and you should see if you can find a way for them to do that if you can.
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cjhsa
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 May, 2008 10:04 am
Baseball sucks for young kids because it is just too damn slow. I honestly think most of the kids are asleep at any given moment. The popularity of non-stop sports like soccer, lacrosse, and field hockey is growing for a reason.
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boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 May, 2008 10:14 am
Mr. B really isn't pushing Mo into this and he is especially not pushing any of the other kids. Like I said - Mr. B's ego is in no way tied to Mo's sports ability or the team's performance.

The fights arise out of Mo's getting dreamy and distracted. In hindsight baseball probably wasn't the best pick for sports. The arguements seem so completely out of proportion to what has happened. They are both very stubborn.

Mr. B and I are both pretty strict about when Mo wants to try a new activity that he stick with it for a certain period of time because it isn't good to get in the habit of quitting but honestly I think all be relieved for him to leave baseball.

It might just be too much - school, baseball practice Monday, games on Tuesday and Thursday, drum class on Wednesday. We ususally have an easy going, lots of time for just goofing off, life so this sudden hectic run here and there might just be overwhelming.

I don't know. Everyone just seems so unhappy.
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boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 May, 2008 10:15 am
cjhsa wrote:
Baseball sucks for young kids because it is just too damn slow. I honestly think most of the kids are asleep at any given moment. The popularity of non-stop sports like soccer, lacrosse, and field hockey is growing for a reason.


You snuck in while I was typing. I'm was wondering just that same thing.
0 Replies
 
nips
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 May, 2008 10:16 am
"soccer" lacrosse and field hockey are becomming more popular towards younger people beacuse children are being de-sensitised to voilence from a very young age nowadays.
0 Replies
 
fishin
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 May, 2008 10:22 am
Years ago I coached both T-ball and soccer. Had the same sorts of problems with kids all the time. Kids would be standing out in left field kicking dandilions and chasing moths that flew up from the grass.

IMO, Mr. B has to come to the realization that this is what kids do and accept it - the kids (Mo included) aren't going to change.

After a few weeks I'd point out dandilions sticking up and ask kids why they didn't kick that one. They'd usually get it the next inning and look back to see if I saw them do it and laugh if I did.

How you get Mr. B. to accept it is the hard part of course.
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boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 May, 2008 10:23 am
nips wrote:
"soccer" lacrosse and field hockey are becomming more popular towards younger people beacuse children are being de-sensitised to voilence from a very young age nowadays.


Huh? I don't get it.

Oh, and welcome to A2K, nips.
0 Replies
 
mismi
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 May, 2008 10:25 am
How old is Mo? I have twins that have been playing since they were six - they are eight now and I have a 4 year old that has been playing this season - his first season - he just turned 5.

We really have no expectations of him. We think of it as entertainment. Most of the kids have their baseball caps pulled down over their faces, or are checking out the dirt or nearest mud puddle...or the clouds. G-baby will run from his position at first base to right field to get a ball and pile on his team mates as they all grapple to be the one to get to throw the ball back to the pitcher or tag some unsuspecting runner from behind. 6 y.o. Baseball was better - but still attention span not quite there. We just hug him and tell him great game and ask him not to throw the ball at the child that is running home. Or jump on his team mates...

7 y.o. machine pitch is infinitely better. They started figuring it out and this year the 8 year old machine pitch is incredible. We have had the best time. The kids are turning plays like pro's.

Just wait out this season you are in and figure that most of the kids don't really understand how to do it until they are around 7. When they get to the 9 year old division and they start pitching it starts all over again...it gets slow and not nearly as exciting...just part of it. If the kid likes to play it is fine. That is the most important thing...Mo should enjoy it.

As far as this season is concerned, see if you can get your husband to relax a bit and lower his expectations. The less pressure the kids feel, the more they enjoy it and you will see improvement - if it is what they want to do...if not, it is just not worth it. Way too much time and expense in little league not to have fun there.
0 Replies
 
nips
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 May, 2008 10:27 am
adults nowadays are letting children see more violence, which in turn makes children less afraid of it. even though these sports are non contact there is still alot of violence and injury in them. not as much as some sports but there is still alot more than baseball.
0 Replies
 
Gargamel
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 May, 2008 10:28 am
Boomerang,

Do they play catch? I think that's a huge question.

My love for baseball as a kid, which extends to the present, quite seriously began with just throwing the ball in the yard with my Pops. It never mattered if I missed a grounder he tossed to me or if I threw it over his head. And while it's easy to romanticize to cheesy proportions this ritual, sometimes the best part was just the rhythm of catching and throwing.

I say this because it's a healthy measure of where Mo's and his Pops' hearts are relative to baseball. I survived little league--did pretty well in fact--even though I was an anxious kid. But little league was just a smaller part of Baseball with a capital B, which included going to Brewers games and playing catch.

Maybe there are two ways to think about the point I've raised, if I have in fact raised one. If they're already playing catch, what's it like for them? Do they enjoy it? Actually, do they love it? If that's not happening already I think it lends at least some insight into their level of interest.

Note: I barely ever know what I'm talking about.
0 Replies
 
mismi
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 May, 2008 10:31 am
Hey nips, welcome to A2K...

I don't see a lot of violence in little league baseball. The fact is that the little ones just don't know how to play yet. They are learning and a lot of patience has to be practised because their attention spans are just not able to handle a whole hours worth of focus. We are working on the throwing the ball at the runner instead of just running up and tagging...and the whole dog pile issue. But I assure you it is not because these kids are being exposed to violence :wink:
0 Replies
 
mismi
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 May, 2008 10:32 am
Gargamel wrote:
Boomerang,

Do they play catch? I think that's a huge question.

My love for baseball as a kid, which extends to the present, quite seriously began with just throwing the ball in the yard with my Pops. It never mattered if I missed a grounder he tossed to me or if I threw it over his head. And while it's easy to romanticize to cheesy proportions this ritual, sometimes the best part was just the rhythm of catching and throwing.

I say this because it's a healthy measure of where Mo's and his Pops' hearts are relative to baseball. I survived little league--did pretty well in fact--even though I was an anxious kid. But little league was just a smaller part of Baseball with a capital B, which included going to Brewers games and playing catch.

Maybe there are two ways to think about the point I've raised, if I have in fact raised one. If they're already playing catch, what's it like for them? Do they enjoy it? Actually, do they love it? If that's not happening already I think it lends at least some insight into their level of interest.

Note: I barely ever know what I'm talking about.


I do think this is a great point...their is an emotional connection there for my kids and their Dad. There is nothing they would rather do than go through the ball with him.
0 Replies
 
mismi
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 May, 2008 10:35 am
mismi wrote:


G-baby will run from his position at first base to right field to get a ball and pile on his team mates as they all grapple to be the one to get to throw the ball back to the pitcher or tag some unsuspecting runner from behind.


I meant left field Embarrassed
0 Replies
 
ebrown p
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 May, 2008 10:42 am
Boomerang,

Why don't you let father and son work it out?

Your husband is a parent and is an adult. Do you really feel the need to get in the middle?

It sounds like you have tried to fix things, and you have been unsuccessful. Usually more people involved in relationship issues means more problems.

In my opinion you should support your husband (since he is the parent) from the sideline. Let him be the father.
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 May, 2008 10:44 am
I think part of the problem is that even though none of the kids on the team have ever played before some of them are really really good and they do want to play and they do pay attention. You know how it is easier to ignore your parents than your teachers/coaches/others? It's kind of like that. The other kids do listen and pay better attention to him so Mr. B gets really frustrated because Mo doesn't.

On the other hand, Mr. B doesn't get upset when the other kids pick dandilions (something Mo has done) or lay down on the bench because they have a bellyache (something Mo hasn't done) or whatever.

Mo is 7 years old. We don't really have expectations -- we just want him to try new things. We want him to experience things. We want him to try on different hats and find what fits. We usually set a time frame because we don't want him to give up on things quickly and there is always the option to sign up for more if he finds he enjoys it.
0 Replies
 
mismi
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 May, 2008 10:47 am
Sorry you're in the middle Boomerang...e brown is probably right...just let them work it out. It's almost over isn't it? Mo will tell you if he likes enough to play again.

All kids are different and figure it out at different times.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 May, 2008 10:52 am
fishin wrote:
Years ago I coached both T-ball and soccer. Had the same sorts of problems with kids all the time. Kids would be standing out in left field kicking dandilions and chasing moths that flew up from the grass.

IMO, Mr. B has to come to the realization that this is what kids do and accept it - the kids (Mo included) aren't going to change.

After a few weeks I'd point out dandilions sticking up and ask kids why they didn't kick that one. They'd usually get it the next inning and look back to see if I saw them do it and laugh if I did.

How you get Mr. B. to accept it is the hard part of course.


I agree! Kids are going to be kids and at that age get distracted - the coaches just need to deal with it.

My husband was a coach of my daughter's T ball team. I don't think they are too young necessarily as they still learn valuable things - team work, waiting their turn (at bat), coordination and the basic skills of the game.

It can be fun - just the coaches need to realize about their attention spans. As they get more experienced in the game and one or two or 20 balls get past them, they will eventually realize they need to pay attention - yes - this could actually teach increased attention span - you will see the kids better and better at them. Yelling at them won't help though - you basically have to go with the flow.
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 May, 2008 10:56 am
I think you sell yourself short there Gargamel, you do know what you're talking about.

Mo and Mr. B have a great relationship other than this. They do tons of stuff together including playing catch (lately it's been a football though <sigh>). They build stuff together, the fix stuff together, the ride motorcycles together, the go fishing together. This is the first thing that makes them miserable together.

I'm trying to stay out of it e_brown, thats why I'm posting here instead of joining in the fracas at home. I wish they would work it out but they aren't. It's just getting worse. Mr. B and I do unify on most things but this time there is no "front" to unify with. If Mr. B said "no more baseball" I would side with him. If he said "you'll finish the season even if you sit on the bench" I'd side with him.
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