Mom in the middle: fathers, sons and sports.

Has Mr. B spent any time with the other coaches, talking about dandelion- and dirt-kicking? has he watched another game at this level - noticing the dandelion- and dirt-kickers?

0 Replies

The only other game he's seen was last week - the first game of the season, which we won, Mo made two runs out of the ten scored, so no, he hasn't seen a lot of the dirt kicking, dandilion picking behavior. Most of the kids on our team are pretty intense and serious about playing.

One of the other kid's dad was going to be an assistant but he was so extreme that Coach and Mr. B asked him to not assist after all. Another kid's dad is a baseball junkie that he hired a baseball playing nanny for his kids. It's weird.

0 Replies

boomerang wrote:

I think you sell yourself short there Gargamel, you do know what you're talking about.

Mo and Mr. B have a great relationship other than this. They do tons of stuff together including playing catch (lately it's been a football though <sigh>). They build stuff together, the fix stuff together, the ride motorcycles together, the go fishing together. This is the first thing that makes them miserable together.

I'm trying to stay out of it e_brown, thats why I'm posting here instead of joining in the fracas at home. I wish they would work it out but they aren't. It's just getting worse. Mr. B and I do unify on most things but this time there is no "front" to unify with. If Mr. B said "no more baseball" I would side with him. If he said "you'll finish the season even if you sit on the bench" I'd side with him.

Well, as far as that first paragraph goes, I'm glad to hear it.

Drawing again from personal experience, I think my mild interest in baseball and other sports graduated to something more competitive once I realized sports were one way of gaining acceptance and respect from other kids in grade school. I say this only to make the point that the socialization factor had way more impact than my father. I didn't start listening to him until I left for college.

Mo may be too young yet to be influenced by his peers in this way. I don't remember playground sports being a big deal until like third grade. And if he doesn't take up baseball at that point, it looks like he's got a whole bunch of other interests to keep him busy.

0 Replies

My daughter didn't want to play soccer this year. Then she said she would just to "get in shape". Welll, they're kicking the crap out of their opponents and she's having fun. They are even considering the possibility of a state championship as these girls move to the varsity squad for the next two years.

Sometimes things work out unexpectedly.

0 Replies

i'd say : if he wants to watch the dandelions and kick dirt , let him !
if the other kids are better players than he is , he'll have to accept that - and perhaps leave the team . that shouldn't be a big problem .
allow him to just be a kid and play what he enjoys . he may have some disappointments with not being always accepted by a team , but that's part of growing up .
i was never very good at sports (and music , for that matter - in the choir i always had to stand in the last row ! ) .

once i got into my teen-years , i started to enjoy biking very much and found friends that also enjoyed "ordinary" biking . when we got a little older , we started to go on weekend bike-tours and eventually started to go one one and two-week bike trips . that was the "sport" we enjoyed - even though here wer no trophies or prizes to be won and displayed .

let mo do the things he enjoys , but make him understand that he'll have to accept some disappointments . i'll hurt for the moment but doubt that it'll do any damage to his soul or character .
imo the sooner one learns to accept disappointments (even defeat) , the sooner one learns to appreciate things that are enjoyable and fun .
hbg

0 Replies

Quote:

imo the sooner one learns to accept disappointments (even defeat) , the sooner one learns to appreciate things that are enjoyable and fun

You know, that's really why we encourage him to try things. Some things will stick and some things won't but you won't know what you like unless you try a variety of things.

Mr. B just called to talk about this -- should we let him play/encourage him to play/make him play/let him quit/encourage him to quit/make him quit/what. I told him that he and Mo would have to resolve that but that I was tired of all the fighting about baseball and something had to change.

Mr. B made a very valid point -- there are three dirt kicker/flower pickers on the team (Mo being one) and eleven kids that really want to play. The kids that want to play are mad at and tired of the dk/fps.

So...
Is it fair to these serious kids to let the others kick dirt?
Is it fair to the "for fun" kids to get bullied off the team?
As a coach, how does one balance the for fun kids and the serious kids?

0 Replies

boomerang wrote:

So...
Is it fair to these serious kids to let the others kick dirt?
Is it fair to the "for fun" kids to get bullied off the team?
As a coach, how does one balance the for fun kids and the serious kids?

Back in your opening post you said "they play with simple rules and it is supposed to be an introduction and just for fun."

If that is the intent of the league then the serious kids need to be told to lighten up. IMO, kids are pushed into serious competition way to early. The coach should be reigning them back in.

0 Replies

As the parent of a beloved dk/fp I see it that way too, fishin;!

I suppose Mr. B's problem could be in having to avoid the stigma of favoritism regarding Mo in telling the other kids to lighten up.

Any suggestions on how he could best handle that?

One of the reasons we liked this league is that it minimizes competition -- they can only take one base per hit and they can't score more than five runs an inning. That sounds like it should leave a lot of room for fun.

0 Replies

I guess if it were me I'd re-read the league handbook/guides and make sure I was on firm footing on it being a "fun" league and then if someone complained I'd just remind them of it. A simple "we're here to have fun and work on fundamentals of the game..." would probbaly deal with most people.

The parents are usually worse than the kids about it though... Mad

0 Replies

boomerang wrote:

Quote:
imo the sooner one learns to accept disappointments (even defeat) , the sooner one learns to appreciate things that are enjoyable and fun

You know, that's really why we encourage him to try things. Some things will stick and some things won't but you won't know what you like unless you try a variety of things.

Mr. B just called to talk about this -- should we let him play/encourage him to play/make him play/let him quit/encourage him to quit/make him quit/what. I told him that he and Mo would have to resolve that but that I was tired of all the fighting about baseball and something had to change.

Mr. B made a very valid point -- there are three dirt kicker/flower pickers on the team (Mo being one) and eleven kids that really want to play. The kids that want to play are mad at and tired of the dk/fps.

So...
Is it fair to these serious kids to let the others kick dirt?
Is it fair to the "for fun" kids to get bullied off the team?
As a coach, how does one balance the for fun kids and the serious kids?

Is this a team/league for serious players? Often times there are teams/leagues set up for more serious players - often times traveling teams are the serious players. If it isn't - then leave the dirt kickers alone.

I never feel it is fair to bully these kids off the team, but if it is a serious team/league, then a gently push - maybe you are better suited to be part of this other league.

Honestly at the age of the children - I think you have to give the fun kids a break and alone it to be fun. At an older age where they are in Little League or have to try out to make a team is when it is serious play.

I think positive reinforcement when these fun kids actually pay attention would work best. Say Mo, that was awesome when you saw that ball and reacted to it. Hey great job staying alert. That is how my husband used to get the most out of the younger kids when he coached.

Also, I think as the season moves along this less involved players will learn from the serious players and develop - I say give them a chance.

0 Replies

boomerang wrote:

As the parent of a beloved dk/fp I see it that way too, fishin;!

I suppose Mr. B's problem could be in having to avoid the stigma of favoritism regarding Mo in telling the other kids to lighten up.

Any suggestions on how he could best handle that?

One of the reasons we liked this league is that it minimizes competition -- they can only take one base per hit and they can't score more than five runs an inning. That sounds like it should leave a lot of room for fun.

What sort of things are the other kids doing? Are they bullying the fun kids in a way? Are they getting angry?

You might want to say - I understand you are a great player - maybe you can help Mo, Larry and Curley get better? Would you like to help teach them?

0 Replies

Linkat wrote:

boomerang wrote:
Quote:
imo the sooner one learns to accept disappointments (even defeat) , the sooner one learns to appreciate things that are enjoyable and fun

You know, that's really why we encourage him to try things. Some things will stick and some things won't but you won't know what you like unless you try a variety of things.

Mr. B just called to talk about this -- should we let him play/encourage him to play/make him play/let him quit/encourage him to quit/make him quit/what. I told him that he and Mo would have to resolve that but that I was tired of all the fighting about baseball and something had to change.

Mr. B made a very valid point -- there are three dirt kicker/flower pickers on the team (Mo being one) and eleven kids that really want to play. The kids that want to play are mad at and tired of the dk/fps.

So...
Is it fair to these serious kids to let the others kick dirt?
Is it fair to the "for fun" kids to get bullied off the team?
As a coach, how does one balance the for fun kids and the serious kids?

Is this a team/league for serious players? Often times there are teams/leagues set up for more serious players - often times traveling teams are the serious players. If it isn't - then leave the dirt kickers alone.

I never feel it is fair to bully these kids off the team, but if it is a serious team/league, then a gently push - maybe you are better suited to be part of this other league.

Honestly at the age of the children - I think you have to give the fun kids a break and alone it to be fun. At an older age where they are in Little League or have to try out to make a team is when it is serious play.

I think positive reinforcement when these fun kids actually pay attention would work best. Say Mo, that was awesome when you saw that ball and reacted to it. Hey great job staying alert. That is how my husband used to get the most out of the younger kids when he coached.

Also, I think as the season moves along this less involved players will learn from the serious players and develop - I say give them a chance.

I totally agree Linkat.

My 5 year old is not in the competitive league yet. He will be when he turns 7 though. There is a mix of "serious" and "fun" players. It is always an issue. We just tell the boys to do their best and have fun. Even now that they are in the more competitive league. They are both the smallest kids on their team by far. They don't pack the wollop the bigger kids do - but they can spank the ball and their little legs move like lightening! :wink:

I will say that the coach they have this year is wonderful in getting the guys to be both good sports, and getting the most out of them. At the beginning of the year he said to the parents that he did not want to hear "coaching" from the stands. The only voice the kids should hear is his when they are playing ball when it comes to coaching. He also told us there was to be no criticism of the kids. None of this, "How did you miss that ball? It was coming right at you". He said he wanted us to encourage them in whatever way we could find..."You showed great hustle out there Joey" - things of that nature.

There is a huge difference in this team. They have a great time...there is no stress, and they are playing amazingly well. I have watched him squat down in front of a child that has just missed a ball or who whiffed three away and instruct them what they needed to do next time. Best coach we have had yet.

He played football for Univ of Alabama - quarterback there for a few years - he knows and understands what makes kids work apparently.

0 Replies

It's competitive, I guess, in a good way for K-3. This area of the league is really designed so that everyone gets a chance to play and no team clobbers the other.

I was really kind of hoping tonight's game would get rained out but no such luck. I usually don't go to practice because Mr. B is there and that seems to be when the problems start. I'm going to pay particular attention tonight and see what goes on.

0 Replies

sems to me that the two different groups of kids just don't make a good fit .
do the"flower children" really have to get "KICKED off the team" or can they find some other "flower children" that are not competitive yet - perhaps never will be - and just play for the fun of it ?
do they even need to keep score or might they just play to have fun at this stage ?
hbg

0 Replies

(I've been listening with nothing useful to say...)

Hamburger, that reminds me of myself and tennis. I far preferred to just hit the ball back and forth than to play the systematized game. I did like softball. Our class was taught by Sister Mel, who also pitched.

On the current situation, I agreed with what mismi said about how the new coach handles things.

0 Replies

Boomer--

Get out of the middle.

Mr. B. is Mr. B. Mo is Mo. Not every father/son activity is going to be picture-book satisfactory.

Refuse to listen. Get out of the middle. You are not a coach, you are a mommie.

0 Replies

Last night went really well! Before the game started Baseball Nanny (BN) overheard one of the other team's kids say "They have girls on their team. We're going to kick their butts."

We won 15-12.

Rock on, girls!

Mo only got a little daydreamy in the last inning but so did a few of the other kids. BN was working out who played what position in what inning and I suggested she put Mo in the outfield explaining that I knew he wasn't the best player and that I just wanted him to have fun. She did. He did. The serious players worked the infield where they had fun. Everybody's happy.

I am trying to stay out of the middle, really I am.

As I've discussed a million times over the last several years, his reaction to stressful situations is really extreme. He gets all out of whack and the spillover exhausts me. Helping him avoid unnecessary stress is a self-preservation technique for me.

Perhaps I need to look for some kind of competitive gardening club for him.....

0 Replies

boomerang wrote:

Last night went really well! Before the game started Baseball Nanny (BN) overheard one of the other team's kids say "They have girls on their team. We're going to kick their butts."

We won 15-12.

Rock on, girls!

Mo only got a little daydreamy in the last inning but so did a few of the other kids. BN was working out who played what position in what inning and I suggested she put Mo in the outfield explaining that I knew he wasn't the best player and that I just wanted him to have fun. She did. He did. The serious players worked the infield where they had fun. Everybody's happy.

I am trying to stay out of the middle, really I am.

As I've discussed a million times over the last several years, his reaction to stressful situations is really extreme. He gets all out of whack and the spillover exhausts me. Helping him avoid unnecessary stress is a self-preservation technique for me.

Perhaps I need to look for some kind of competitive gardening club for him.....

Heh, heh - the outfield perfect. Reminds me - I just signed up (rather my hubby signed me up) for a co-ed softball team - I s*ck - haven't played in over 10 years. In practice I take the outfield to do the least damage. Our first game was rained out - thank the Lord!

0 Replies

In kids leagues they usually put the worst fielder in right. In pro ball, you often find the very best fielder in right because there are so many lefties in the pro ranks. Al Kaline was notable example. One of the best fielders ever, Mr. Golden Glove.

0 Replies

Your issues are simply age and maturity levels of the kids and your husband. If I recall, your child is 7, and as others have noted that is pretty young for a baseball type experience. I love baseball, have coached youth teams for years at age levels as young as 9 and up to 18, and I cannot stand watching that 5,6,7 year old stuff. It has almost no resemblence to baseball and if anything, IMO, tends to drive kids and parents away from what is a great game. But, now your committed to this current experience so what can you do?

1. Practice hitting. Get a tee. Get a good bat. Get a couple dozen baseballs and start working on a solid stance and decent swing. Two dozen swings is about all a 7 year old is going to be able to do in one quick session without starting to lose good form. Play some catch and then repeat the swings. Play some more catch if you want or be done. Do that every day until he gets a solid swing down cold. Then you can start mixing in some pitched balls. Keep working with the tee though so he does not lose his swing form.

2. Have fun yourself without worrying about wins or losses.

3. Recognize that learning baseball skills takes time and repetitions. If your husband really wants your son to improve have him do the research on teaching baseball skills to young kids and put what he learns into effect. There is alot of material out there. Focus on the basics -- throwing with accuracy, catching a thrown ball consistently (requires a well broken in mitt that is appropriately sized), and being able to hit a pitched ball (recognizing that one of the major frustrations for kids and parents is once you get to kid pitch the strike zone has to expand greatly or everyonen would walk so it can be tough on a kid who knows the strike zone).

0 Replies

Mom in the middle: fathers, sons and sports.

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know