Aaaack, My Son's Going into the Air Force!

I don't know, Cobalt. Truely, though, it is his decision, and it's possible, especially in the Air Force, for a young man to become accustomed to making decisions and accepting responsibility. The experience will be priceless, and like most of us, he will hate it while there and wouldn't trade the experience for anything, later on.

Actually, the Air Force is probably the best service going, especially for those not intending to make a career of the service. It is probably a good thing to get it over with on one's own terms. I don't see a draft anytime in the forseeable future, but one never knows. . . .

I just know I haven't said a thing to make you happy, or even accepting, of the situation, but it can be a very good move if he takes advantage of the opportunities. Again, this is something best judged from a future vantage point.

Sorry for all the commas - that's just how my writing always turns out.

One of the hardest things that people need to face is CHANGE. Human beings are comfortable with the known, the familiar. When change comes, especially a lot of it in a short space of time, it engenders a lot of negative emotions.

In your case, you have undergone, and will undergo, loss. I remember went I was at the airport when my son went off to college for the first time. I cried like a baby. It took me awhile to realize that my life was going to be very different, but that was still o.k.

At this time, IMO you need to focus on YOUR life, and how you are going to adapt to the changing situation. You are entering a new phase of your life. This can be a time of growth for you, if you only look for the opportunities that are out there!

Hmmm.. I dropped my one and only off at college back in August.. I still come home from work and plan meals around her being there. I still expect her to come home from school at 3pm and from work at 11pm. It snowed here this weekend and I started wondering if she'd be ok coming home from work... That would be ok except it wasn't snowing where she's at now... I kept thinking she was working up the road instead of living 2000 miles away in her own apartment...

I guess at some point I'll get used to it... lol

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so down. I honestly can't say that I know how you feel, but I can say that I will when my son is grown and leaves the nest. I don't even like to think about it. I do hope that you find some peace with it someday soon and you will be in my thoughts.

Cobalt

I have been, since the winter morning when my daughter popped into the world trailing clouds of glory, utterly surprised at how much I love her - and at how central she became to my sense of self. She has been away (grades 11 and 12 in California and three months in Europe this summer) and there were points during those periods when I felt quite incomplete. Does it help at all to know that pretty much all of us share your experience?

I think Phoenix has the advice to take note of, like she usually does.

Cobalt--

Somewhere in this weary world there is a well thumbed, bootleg document entitled "How To Stomp, Mutiliate, Perforate and Sever the Umbilical Cord". Kids seem to be able to access this little gem from the age of 13 on.

At least when my younger son decided to drop out of Columbia and join the Army--the only service that would take him at age 17--we weren't at war.

At the end of four years, I had a son with two years of college courses, advanced computer training, Arctic survival skills and a motorcycle.

I had a few more gray hairs and a graduate degree in Holding My Tongue and Not Interfering.

Some Little Red Hens are lucky enough to hatch nice fluffy chicks and other Little Red Hens are doomed to wander round and round the local (or the international) duck pond, trying to master enough quacking to communicate.

"Damn Fool" is not communication--just quacking.

As I learned when researching the Air Force for a stepson, they have very expensive equipment and new recruits are not encouraged to play with the very expensive equipment, in or out of combat zones.

How are you at baking chocolate chip cookies? CARE packages are an excellent form of basic quacking.

Remember, you can always dye your gray hair.

Hold your dominion.

You are allowed to hum sarcastically to yourself:

Junior Birdmen

Up in the air junior birdmen,
Up in the air upside down.
Up in the air junior birdmen,
with your noses to the ground.
And when you hear that doorbell ringing, Ding Ding,
And you see that badge of Tin (Clink, Clink).
Then you will know junior birdmen,
It's time to send those boxtops in.
B-I-R-D-M-E-N
Birdmen! Birdmen! EEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR!



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Hum sarcastically to myself? What an image to hold, lol!

I am so glad to hear these responses today. It is still beyond my easy grasp to think it through impartially, and I realize I will get used to it, soon. Intellectually - yeah, I get it. Hey, it could be worse... AND this is a positive step for him to 'go his own way'.

I didn't have this empty nest loss with the first son, nor the second. I think maybe that since their father died unexpectedly last winter, the boys have perhaps gone thru necessary changes and it is just their mother who is lagging behind. The change is there, yes, but I don't often experience change as a loss. Rather, change often is a good thing to lead me a needed and better "way". So, will contemplate some more these dear thoughts you have all shared - thank you.

Cobalt--

I'd guess that you've educated each of your sons to march to his own drummer. You always assumed that you'd be able to hear the beat and whistle along with a happy tune.

Perhaps your empty nest syndrome is kicking in because of widowhood--and perhaps your heart is aching because your little one, your baby is making major decisions that will affect his entire life. Further, he's keeping you informed of his actions but not including you in his thought processes.

Or the truth is somewhere in between.

You have a beloved, exasperating man child and my total sympathy.

Hold your dominion.

Cobalt my nest has been empty for many years and I have never gotten used to it. But it is not a choice we as parents get to make. I know that as an almost only child that my mother was devastated when I left home. Her method of dealing with it was to encourage me in my life adventures, not be critical (even though she could have been0, and she was always available to talk and discuss as journeyed through this thing called life. She did not always agree with me but she did allow me to be free and live with out any criticism from her. Of course I had to live with my own decisions but I have to say I never heard the words "I told you so", because she never did tell me what to do, just gave her opinion. It must have been difficult for her to watch me make mistakes and there were many. But with the freedom she gave me I soon was asking her advice and occasionally following it. In the freedom my mother gave me she drew me closer to her.

Hi Cobalt. Courage. That's what I think it will take. In my case, when #1 child (my son) went off to college I was heartbroken -- and so was he. He called every single day for months and when he came home for a weekend or holiday I had to literally push him out the door to go back. Then, by summer vacation, he'd adjusted so well he decided to spend the summer away working for the college. I was filled with mixed emotions: happy he'd matured enough to want to enjoy life on his own; extremely sad that he'd matured enough to want to enjoy life without me. I'm sure you are experiencing similar mixed feelings right now. I think it's one of those things about being a parent.

Now, he's graduated and moved out on his own with his girlfriend and his younger sister is in grad school (also away) and getting married this coming summer and I still feel the 'empty nest' pangs regularly. We're planning on moving ourselves next summer and I know that's when it will really kick in, because it will be the first time I won't be in relatively easy reach of one or the other of them. And the first time there is a good possibility that we won't all be together at least for the holidays. It's making me sad already and I'm sure the feelings will multiply come this Christmas.

Anyway, as much as we tell ourselves it's a part of their growing up, and a necessary part, at that, it still hurts like hell. Wish I could make it easier, but I can't. They grow up, we grow older, life goes on. My thoughts and prayers are with you and all your kids.

Incidentally, hubby was in the Air Force and it did him a world of good and he thoroughly enjoyed it.

Cobalt--

I'm reading the November Atlantic Monthly and found an article, "The Kabul-ki Dance" by Mark Bowden describing life in the 391st Fighter Squadron which is fighting in Afghanistan.

http://www.theatlantic.com/issues/2002/11/bowden.htm

I've gotten as far as the difficulties of going potty in the cockpit of an F-15. Be glad that your son is not a daughter. The Air Force hasn't caught up with female plumbing.

The article is one you can print out and send on showing "Mommie takes an interest".

Keep humming. Hold your dominion.