Scared of the dark.

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This may end up being about 2 things.
Jillians speech, and being afraid of the dark.

I have decided that I need to have her evaluated again on her speech.
This time it is not because of her annunciation.. but her lack of what appears to be over all ability and words. Example being what happens at night.

For several weeks she has been calling us back into her room after we shut the door for bed time.
Usually ( before this started happening that is) she would entertain herself if she was not really tired, but 90% of the time that door would close and she was out. 7:30-8:00 every night. No problems.

We have a bed time routine that.. the only variance is whether or not she wants to read a book or play with her ponies . She has 20 minutes either way with myself or her dad right before bed time to do one of those things.
Then she gets a small glass of water ( very small) and hugs and kisses, then it is off to bed.

She has been calling us into her room, and would point to something on the ground. We thought it meant that she wanted a toy in her bed. Most fo the times we will get what ever she is pointing at and put it in her bed.

Sometimes , she is literally pointing at nothing... a few nights crying while she did it.
No amount of questions could help me figure out why she was crying.
No amount of her talk would answer any questions either.

Her words were " i want that" or " no not that"
" That what?"
"That. That right there"

She does not use colors for a description of the 'toy' or anything else to help.

I heard from her play one day that one of her ponies was scared of its bed. THAT is what lead me to think she was scared of her room.

A little talking ( mostly on my part ) got some head shakes of agreement when I talked about being scared of her room, and of the dark.

She now has a night light. But it does not seem to help.

Since I do not know if there is exactly something that is scaring her, and I have to guess.. what do ya do for a kid who is scared at night?

It has crossed my mind to put all of her toys away at night and have a perfectly clean room so that there are no small shadows on her toys on the floor.
Close the closet ( i remember being scared of that myself)
Dont hang jackets on the wall.. That may be a problem though because we have a rack for her jacket and heavy sweater on the wall because we do not use her closet for clothes..

And play. Play play play play with ponies and dolls in her small house about being scared.

What else?

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My girlfriend's little girl, Esme, is going through a similar stage and her parents got her a what they call a Guardian Angel doll, but in this case it's not really an angel. It's this:

http://www.fao.com/assets/product_images/Large%20Images/866035_L.jpg

I know some kids might be afraid of this thing and you could get something prettier, but Esme picked this out and so it's her guardian. Esme was told that this doll was there to keep her safe from scary things in her bedroom or in the dark. I think her parents emphasized the bedroom thing because the fears seem to be specifically about that place and nighttime in particular. Esme does sometimes still call her parents at night, but my girlfriend also hears her talking to the doll and telling her that she (Esme) is going to sleep and the doll has to keep her eyes open to protect her. Unlike Jillain, Esme is very verbal and likes to make up stories- maybe that makes a difference. Although, Esme cannot always describe her fears exactly either, it's more of a feeling for her than a solid thing. It all started when she would tell her parents she was afraid to close her eyes, but she could never really explain why. "Just afraid", was always her response.

Where's dlowan? She probably has an a more educated answer to this problem.

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We have something like that too.

She has a 'wand'
A drumstick with a rattle on the end that she shakes at things that scare her.

She has an amethyst geode piece under her bed about 2 feet in length that she LOVES .

maybe a doll might work too..

I love that doll pictured! Love it, love it , love it.

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I do think something huggable helps.

I've talked about Beary -- he was one of several stuffed animals who sozlet liked fine but weren't really a big deal until she started being scared of the dark/ night-time. Then it developed (read: I told her) that he had special powers of protection. The powers had to be re-charged every now and then -- this involved me holding him and concentrating intently (and getting tired out afterwards) -- but he was (and is) a very, very good protector, and pretty much another member of the family.

One other thing I think I remember reading about somewhere is to not really operate on the assumption that yes, there are scary things out there. To be reassuring about it, "now, your room is very safe, there isn't anything scary here, but I know that sometimes it feels scary anyway, so IF you're feeling scared..." A fine line between validating feelings (can't go too far with "there's nothing scary!!!" when they are in fact scared) and not validating the idea that there is something to be scared of ("see, mom agreed that there's scary stuff in my room, so there really is scary stuff...")

Not totally sure about that part though.

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I like the idea that she has what I would call a "courage ritual" with the wand and drum. It make children (and people) feel empowered. Too bad it's not doing the trick.

I know the doll came from FAO Schwartz and is by Brian Froud. It's how I found the picture. It was on sale around Xmas because my girlfriend mentioned she got it for $25, which is about half the regular price. The weird thing with FAO is that sometimes you don't know an item is on sale until you put it in your cart.

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Ok I'll go here since no one else has....and before you all laugh at me, hear me out.

When I was little I was scared of my room too. And it wasn't because of any of my toys.

I fully remember being scared of things I couldn't see; ghosts. I always felt a presance. ( I still do now and then. )

Is is possible Jillian is experiencing something like that?

I had terrible nightmares, refused to leave my bed at night and if I had to I'd run to the bathroom and close the door fast. The hallway was particularily scary too.

I know you are a believer in spirits....can you cleanse her room?

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sozobe wrote:

One other thing I think I remember reading about somewhere is to not really operate on the assumption that yes, there are scary things out there.

Ooo.. excellent point.
One I have already done.. meaning.. I have SAID.. dont worry about the things in your room.

Crap, crap and more crap. Now I have to work my way out of those words.

It is very true that she may not be scared of any ONE THING.. just uncomfortable in the dark, by herself..
Or just uncomfortable by herself when she is not tired.

Again.. the communication level is an issue when I can not really find out what is going on. I do have to assume and I have assumed that there was 'something'

I think I can fix that though.. Not sure how..

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Bella Dea wrote:

I know you are a believer in spirits....can you cleanse her room?

Ok..
to answer this without sounding like a crazy person..

( forgive the religious tone..)

There is nothing in her room.
There used to be 'something' that would make things move. Slam her closet door, or topple over toys high on shelves that has moved on.

This was several months ago , before the fear set in.
I do not know if the two were related or not..

It has crossed my mind that it was the same spirit/energy/thing... that dumped out her dresser when she was a baby and put the folded clothes in piles on her floor around her dresser. ( remember that?)

When there is something there, I do cleanse if necessary..but not always.

Lately, that has not been the issue.

This does not mean she is not picking up on things that I may not see or feel. Kids are really sensative to those kinds of things. More then I can understand.

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I'd suggest that you sit in her room one night and just listen/observe.

Kids are scared of stuff that adults know are harmless. Creaking boards, rustling leaves, the odd branch hitting an outside wall, light from outside making a pattern on the floor, etc.

Plus, maybe she really saw something she's scared of, like a bug or a mouse.

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7 WAYS TO HELP YOUR CHILD HANDLE FEAR
Shewolf, sounds like you are doing everything right according to this doctor's advice. ---BBB

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I've done two things. I used a spray that was a monster spray - it would keep monster away because they hated the smell. I also told my girls that monsters are afraid of cats, that is why we have two cats. The cats scare away the monsters - of course that only works if you have cats.

You could use these items and say they help keep everything safe if she isn't scared of monsters, but afraid in general.

This is funny because I used this saying before."I'm the dad in this house and I don't allow monsters in here. He'll have to leave." Not the dad part of course, but I would tell my daughters that monsters are not allowed in the house.

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Scared of the dark.

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