Taking Care of Dad
All the same, you have to stand up for your rights because no one else is going to do it. You are being exploited and you are allowing the exploitation
You are right...I am allowing myself to be exploited. I guess I don't want to confront Dad about his selfishness, but I am going to have to gather my courage and do so.
If he is not paying his share of utilities (gas, electric, cable, telephone, garbage, water, sewage) will his improvements to your house belong to you and your husband after his death?
My Father spent 30K of his money to build on to our house, but my older brother and his wife have already commented on the fact that I will benefit from the improvements to my house. they have inferred that if he doesn't live here 3 full years, I will have to pay the money back to the estate. You are correct, I will keep a detail diary of all that I do and spend. I will also find out what the cost of identical services would cost at a live in facility in my area. The biggest problem maker is my older brother's wife (he comes down to help once every couple of months).
My husband should have some say in this situation, as he is the one who helps take care of Dad, feed him, take him to doctor appointments, and clean up after his foul messes. My younger brother's wife is an angel (she did almost everything for my mother when she was dying, as I was in a new job that kept me out of town and finishing a terminal degree.)
You say your father is an alcoholic--how is he getting the booze? Are you willing to put in the time and energy to take him to AA meetings? Have you been going to the liquor store for him?
Dad gets his on liquor. He drives before he starts drinking. He panics if he does not have the brand liquor that he prefers in quantity. He will normally get it while my husband and I are at work.
Dad will feign an inability to stand or get up if he thinks he is going somewhere he doesn't want to go. If I lie to him and not tell him where we are going, he will refuse to get out of the car when we get there.
I, on the other hand, am attending meetings and providing for my mental health.
My biggest problem is getting my brothers to understand the gravity of the situation and how much time I spend taking care of Dad. Sadly, I think it will all come down to his money and how much they perceive that I am "taking" from their inheritances.