Accepting a Dollar Bill From a Somewhat Strange Neighbor

How old is the "older lady"? she could be harmless, and slightly batty or it could be something more.

With no more evidence than this, I think she's just a lonely old lady who misses having children around. Probably losing a few mental faculties at the same time.

She could be just a lonely old "burners aren't all on"woman. But I would not let my child accept anything from her , let alone go into her home.

I certainly wouldn't let her be unsupervised around a child.

It is probably sad - but you cannot take chances. Her persistence and boundary transgressions are alarm signals. She may well just be a bit demented - but there it is. So hard Soze ,I know!

Sounds to me like the woman didn't know whether EG was also deaf and persisted toward Sozlet because he was unable to hear her and Sozlet had already demonstrated she could hear the lady. It provides a good opportunity for you to do a few things if you're interested.


Why not host a small tea party on the lawn one Sunday afternoon while the weather is still nice. Let Sozlet invite a couple of friends and you invite a couple of friends and some older women (including this lady).

It doesn't have to last more then an hour, and gives you a chance to observe this woman, introduces her to some other women she might socialize with.

You could also pre-arrange with your friends to bring up the discussion of child safety and the efforts they have made to teach their children not to talk to strangers, go off with them or accept anything from them. It will re-enforce the lesson with the kids and maybe teach the woman that the world has changed and she needs to approach the adults, not the child.

Thanks, all.

She definitely knew that E.G. was hearing, from previous conversations.

She is probably about 65. She receives visits from a social worker, but don't know more than that.

I do get enough of a vibe from her that I would not want to invite her to my home. It's just a matter of how sociable to be when we do happen to run into her.

I think at this point I'll chalk up E.G.'s reaction as more harsh than perhaps warranted but reasonable, and just be a bit wary but friendly when we see her.

I am forever getting myself in trouble by thinking that someone is not that bad and refusing to act in a way that I feel is rude. Every now and then someone is really touched by my kindness and proves to have been well worth it, but there have been some ugly episodes as well. Since this person lives nearby, and is therefore hard to avoid entirely, I think I'll work on keeping boundaries (hence absolutely no invitations to my home) while staying cordial.

Aw,..when we were growing up, there was always an old lady in the neighborhood that gave us money. When we were really little she'd just give us a quarter, as we got older she'd ask us for help..mowing the lawn, going to the grocery store and such. She was just a lonely old soul, with very little family or visitors. I hope this was the same kind of situation. There are so many older people, who just sit at home lonely,..it's really sad that so many of us just ignore them, there's so much we can learn from them, and it's so easy to take a few minutes to chat with them, and it really brightens their day.

I have had a good few older relatives who lived alone, I guess I'm a bit "over-sympathetic", but for years now I've been taking a couple of days a month where I bake some nut breads, or muffins and drop them by to the folks in my neighborhood who I know are all alone. Sometimes I stop in for a cup of coffee, sometimes not. Some of them are a bit "off" and some of them thought that I was for doing this, but it really does cheer them up.

I am not suggesting that you spend time doing this, or have your daughter feel like it's OK to go into this woman's house- that would be dead wrong. I know that there are alot of "bad people" out there, but there certainly are more good ones. It's probably a good idea to get to know the neighbors a little better, after all there will come a time when sozlet gets a little older, that she'll be playing outside with friends, maybe un-supervised -if even for a second. Kids fall, scrape their knees, twist things, it'd be nice to know if your neighbors would be looking out for them.

Some people, especially older folk, who may be out of touch with the current dangers facing kids,..could just think that they're being nice and might not realize that there "over-stepping" boundries. And since the boundries are "your" boundries, how is that person supposed to know what they are, unless you tell them. Maybe letting your neighbor know that you appreciate her being kind to your daughter, but you want to keep her from taking things from people she doesn't really know too well, because there are too many bad people out there, would be a more "neighborly" way of handling the situation.

Of, course there is the flip side, and the woman could be "off her rocker".
Either way, I think it in your best interest to let her know what isn't OK for her to do. If she's nuts, she'll keep on doing those things, and you'll know to steer clear; if she's just a lonely neighbor, she'll respect your wishes, and probably appreciate you taking the time to tell her, rather than her just feeling bad about it.

Just some thoughts.

I'm in the Keep It Formal crowd. Explain to your neighbor that you want to protect the Sozolet from Sordid Strangers and that right now she's too young to make distinctions.

Smile. Wave. Exchange Howdy Do's--and trust your instincts.

Sozobe --

My guess is that this old lady was just lonely and trying to be nice. Loneliness might also explain some of her oddness. As for setting boundaries while staying cordial, have you considered a good cop / bad cop approach? Now that the Evil Genius Cop has energically drawn a line on the ground and told her not to cross it or else, you can be the good cop and be nice to her.

The next time you meet this lady, just tell her something along the lines that your husband really didn't intend any hostility, but that you absolutely must teach your daughter not to take money from other people. There's weirdos out there, and you know how naive and trusting children can be....

I'd be surprised if this lady didn't nod agreement at this point. You don't even have to tell her anything but the truth! You do what suits your temperament, E.G. does what suits his temperament, and everyone benefits. Good cop / bad cop can be quite powerful that way ...

-- Thomas

Jerry, good points. The sozlet does know all of the neighbors on this block and on the other side of the street -- this neighbor stayed inside for the first 2.5 years we've been here, and only recently started venturing out.

The general, unsubstantiated impression I've gotten from this and that is that this lady has had a tough life, possibly some substance abuse/ mental health issues, and has recently made some strides due to medication. General and unsubstantiated, though.

Thanks for weighing in, Noddy. Always most appreciated. (I agree with what you say.)

Oh, missed you there, Thomas.

I don't think I'll bring it up, but I will respond if she does.