Disagree with husband about safety issues

How old is your kiddo?

Welcome by the way..

He's almost 5..and thanks for the welcome

Riding any type of motorcycle/ATV without a helmet is just plain stupid.

Anyone who would allow their kid to do so is criminally stupid, IMO.



I've flown with my father piloting, but he's a flight instructor. I wouldn't fly with a private pilot with fewer than 10 years experience. Especially a "thrill seeking" private pilot....

There are daring pilots. There are old pilots. The two groups are generally mutually exclusive.

Welcome. I don't know what we can do to help you other than to confirm that you're right in being concerned. Safety first. If he won't listen, you'll have to try something else, but I have no idea what.

Depending where you live, not only stupid, but not wearing a helmet and other safety issues for a child could be illegal.

It might be easier to speak up and get him to agree if the law is on your side. It is not only you, but it is potential for fines and so forth. Makes you seem less of an overprotective parent (even though I don't think you are).

Also, would it be helpful if you had other support beyond just your thoughts? Maybe a pediatrician's opinion to support these activities is too old.

Hi There gmommy! I am mom to three boys and am actually the less cautious one between me and hubby - but there are things I am definitely cautious about. Riding the ATV without a helmet is a definite problem. I know our pediatrician will say things like "don't let the kids ride on a lawnmower with you". I am sure that Linkat is right that a pediatrician would back you up on the helmet, and may even give you guidelines about when it is safe to do certain things according to age. I think that is a good way to approach it as well.

I do understand you not wanting to discourage your husbands interaction with your son but I think that letting him know how much it scares you may help. Try to reassure him that it is not because you don't trust him (though that may enter into it given he is a thrill seeker) but that accidents are called accidents for the reason that they are not suppose to happen - but they do and being careful up front is much better than the guilt he would deal with if something bad happened.

I hope you find an answer to your problem - and reassurance from your husband in caring for your child.

One other thought I had. Maybe because your husband has limited experience with children, he doesn't understand that children will not be as safe as say an adult or older child. Explain that young children may not remember to hold on, or follow complete safety instructions. They also do not listen as closely.

I still wonder how I survived my childhood, and my father was not involved in any of the shenannigans we got up to.

There are risks and there are stupid risks. Do you trust your husband not to take stupid risks?

I'd agree with the others on the need for a helmet while the kiddo is on any type of ATV but I'd hardly call flying an airplane or hunting as "thrill seeking" events. For millions of people these are everyday, routine things.

There are ways to do pretty much everything safely. Your hubby should be stressing the saftey aspects of each of them while he's got the kid out there having fun. Have you tried tagging along to see what really happening on these outings or are you sitting home imagining the worst?

(I took my own daughter hunting with me when she was 4. She didn't touch a gun but she could read sign and track a deer by the time she was 6. She also learned how to use a compass, read a map and identify most of the animals in the local woods by sight, sound and scat remnants. She was never is any unsafe situation at all.)

Welcome, gmommy!

(I'm so smiling at mismi40's avatar next to "Hi There gmommy!" Don't you love when they are still young enough to get this excited to see you again when you only went to the bathroom?)

My husband did the "thrill seeker with five year old" to me once. He took our youngest to the lake. The neighbor guy had told them about a 50 foot cliff they could jump off of. Like Hell said I.

When they got back home my five year old came running in to tell me how much fun they had jumping into the water. I was furious. I had already given very legitimate reasons for NOT doing that.

Suddenly, the cliff was only 15 to maybe 20 feet... Like that was better.

Youngest is now 17 and probably just as dengerous to himself as his dad and the neighbor guy ever were. (See Dadpads post.) I agree there are thrill things and there are stupid things. (worked in Neuro ICU with numerous head injury little ones every summer from ATV's) Somewhere inbetween thrill and stupid, there are boys.

Somewhere inbetween thrill and stupid, there are boys.

That - made me laugh!

I do love that feeling that I am the greatest Squinney - my big ones are over it and I see my 4 year old getting there... but I am taking every moment I can and enjoying it!

And what dadpad said is true...I see the boys in the back yard doing some CRAZY things. I go back and forth between being overprotective and rightfully cautious. We have a trampoline and though I have warned only one jumping at a time - I see some serious WWF stuff going on - we have the surround on it and they use it like ropes to bounce off of and knock the other down....I watch until I can't stand it and pull them off for not obeying the rules. That's my job right?

gmommy - just make sure Dad knows to be safe and use caution when he has the boy and I think it will be fine. And what fishin said made since as well...are you imagining the worst or do you actually know what is happening out there...I have quite the imagination myself...and it always runs to worst case scenario.

I'll jump on this welcome wagon too!

I am also the mother of a dangerbaby so I can sympathize.

Luckily my husband is pretty strict about saftey gear when he and dangerbaby do stuff that scares the bejesus out of me. Mostly we have a "don't ask, don't tell" rule about the boy stuff they do together though.

However, ATVs are strictly off limits. I hate those things. And riding without a helmet! Don't even get me started. That's plain crazy and I understand your concern.

My rule is: if he can't lift it off himself he can't ride on it. I made him prove he could lift his motorcycle before I would let Mr. B take him out on trails. ("Okay. Now pretend your left arm is broken and lift it. Okay, now pretend your right leg is busted and lift it.")

Squinney, I'm thinking this would make a great motto: Somewhere inbetween thrill and stupid, there are boys.

Thanks everyone, for the input! It's nice to get other moms' AND dads' opinions...and it's good to have a little back-up about the helmet issue. Also, I think the "between thrill and stupid there are boys" comment might be my new mantra.

I might add that my only two trips to the emergency room while a child were due to motorcycling accidents.

One from attempting to emulate my older brother, and one from riding behind the wrong driver.....

One of my friends from college got a brain injury as a passenger on a motorcycle. No collision; he hit his head on the drivers helmet when the driver stopped abruptly. He had a definite personality change afterward.

You forgot to mention that the cliff.... which you saw many times after... WAS about 18 feet... and that we used a depth finder to be sure the water was clear all the way down....(it was 43 feet deep there) and when Seth jumped there was also half dozen grown men treading water ready to be there for him..... another one of our favorite games was to get the jet ski going up to 50 or so and then turning it as far left to right as possible while further accelerating....sometimes we held on.... sometimes Seth went one way, I went another and the jet ski went yet another....somehow Seth survived and those are some of his fondest memories of hanging out with dad. Mine too.

I was having a conversation about this subject with a scout leader. He said (anecdotaly) that despite all the safety precautions injury assesments and do this, dont do that rules and regs, kids still hurt themselves.

He did however say that the injuries he had heard about seemed to be less severe than in the past so I guess thats a good thing.

Children have soft bone. That means they tend to bend rather than break.

I do however have an issue with adults that wont take responsibility for their actions and try to blame someone else.

Hey! its your kid you were supposed to be supervising him when he fell off the cliff. I dont care if there wasn't a state provided safety barrier its still your fault!!!! Your kid you supervise.

Gmommy,

Welcome to A2K!

It's good that your husband wants to spend time with your child, and, as long as he is a licensed pilot and licensed hunter of considerable experience, I don't see any problem with his taking your son along. What mystifies me is that, at age 5, the son is pretty much "just along for the ride" in these activities. He cannot help his dad fly a plane [by the way, what is safe seating in a plane for a child this young?], and he obviously cannot touch a weapon. If, as Fishin mentioned, your husband is teaching his son to track, that's something a little boy CAN participate in directly, and it's fun, and it's a life skill. I assume your son is properly attired when out with his father in hunting season?

My father lived fast and hard his entire life, but he didn't try to instruct me in activities and sports that I couldn't take a direct part in. He also knew that I'd most enjoy being with him if we were doing things I'd "get." While his interests ranged from flying planes to boxing to steeplechase, when he'd take 5-year-old me out on a father-son adventure, it would be fishing, learning to row, flying Siamese fighting kites, building paper-and-balsa model planes, etc. He also taught me how to throw a baseball and a football; that sounds pretty basic, but when you're playing catch with your dad it's a really big deal. He was a very patient instructor, too.

I'm no shrink, but is it possible that your husband, by insisting on taking your son along on these full-tilt outings, is trying to make sure he's growing up tough? That would be unfortunate, and it wouldn't work: toughness comes from learning hands-on self-sufficiency.

The ATV without a helmet is, as noted above, just plain criminally stupid. Undoubtedly, this is against the law, but that's beside the point. The point is that your husband is exposing his own son to unnecessary major risks. No excuse for that. No way.

Good luck in getting this sorted out. If you can do so by an appeal to your husband's common sense, that might be more lasting than bringing in a third party, like a pediatrician. We can guess what any doctor would say about putting your child into this kind of obvious danger!

My friend D lost his brother to a 4wheeler accident.

He did not see a barb wire fence .
It wrapped around his chest and pushed him off the ATV
With no helmet on, his head hit the rocky surface.


I just have to say it again.. the way DrewDad said it.
It is criminally STUPID to not put a helmet on a child.
Please stand up for that rule. That is not being over protective, or mis trusting your husband.. that is an issue of life or death safety.