whats it like when you have a kid?

Say goodbye to privacy, solitude and sex.

A Valentine's Day Salute to Suburban Dads
by Pat Dunnigan

"These guys have to convince a woman who has fallen asleep in her clothes reading Thomas the Tank Engine stories that what she really wants right now is some midnight romance under the giant pile of laundry covering the master bed."

All Things Considered, February 14, 2008 · Amid all the claims for romantic prowess being peddled by film stars, rock stars and flat-bellied bachelors, the real superheroes of the bedroom go largely unacknowledged.

And so, this Valentine's Day ?- a day when suburban mommies everywhere will be showered with construction paper hearts, overpriced chocolates and things from Victoria's Secret that we will wear only once, if at all ?- it is time to extend some long-overdue credit.

The publishing world may not have figured it out yet, but if the truth were told, the best-selling how-to manuals on the shelf would be devoted to the Bedroom Secrets of the Suburban Dad.

It's true.

Sorry to bust your bubble Casanova, but these guys have earned the title.

You think it's hard to get the attention of a woman in a bar? Puh-leeze.

These guys have to convince a woman who has fallen asleep in her clothes reading Thomas the Tank Engine stories that what she really wants right now is some midnight romance under the giant pile of laundry covering the master bed.

You want to brag about technique? These guys keep the steam building knowing that at any minute ?- and probably more than once ?- they will be interrupted by a crying child, a ringing phone or their wives' spontaneous recollection that they forgot to sign a permission slip for the field trip.

We are talking about enticing a woman who, no matter how diligently you work to set the mood, will be filtering your sweet whisperings and best maneuvers through the running commentary of her mental Blackberry: "Oh, that feels … Is that coughing? I will never make deadline if she's sick. Wait, what is today? Is it the 10th?" And, "Oh. Oh. Oh God, it's the 14th. Mom's birthday. I should send flowers. Better write myself a note. If I could just reach … a pen."

My point is, these guys have honed their skills under conditions you could not imagine.

You single metrosexuals may have better underwear, but you are amateurs next to them.

Plus, today, they all get a new pair.

That heat coming out of the suburbs ?- it's not just the BBQ grills.

is it great? or not so much?

You should wait until you've performed the hamster test
before like having kids. I mean, hamsters are like so much worse, and those
squeaky wheels like do go on your nerves like quite a bit. Very comparable to kids.

OGIONIK wrote:

is it great? or not so much?

It is great. Although there are those moments....

The first three months are tough. You're always tired. Everything is new.

Then, just when you're getting comfortable and the baby's sleeping....

She start to crawl and is in to everything.

Then when you've gotten that figured out, she starts to walk.

And talk.

Then she figures out how to climb up on chairs to get to things.

Then she has to do everything herself.




It's an adventure, to be sure, but it sure is great.

whats it like when you have a kid?

my crotch hurt for a while

but all is fine now..

I've heard that owning a hamster or goldfish first gives you an excellent head start as a parent. I actually have about five goldfish in my tank. So I'm actually thinking about having five kids!

Of course I'll have my girlfriend spread out her pregnancies over the next couple of years.

Gargamel wrote:

I've heard that owning a hamster or goldfish first gives you an excellent head start as a parent. I actually have about five goldfish in my tank. So I'm actually thinking about having five kids!

Of course I'll have my girlfriend spread out her pregnancies over the next couple of years.

I agree, but disagree, Gargamel. Because you can't leave your babies in the house when you go out places.

Which is why I carry my blow-up sheep everywhere, and for added practice, push it around in a baby carriage. Sure, I get funny looks and laughed at, but who will be laughing when I have a real baby, and it lives past 6 months because I didn't kill it from leaving it in the fish tank all day?