@annis,
It's been a very difficult nite. I'm so sorry.
No point going into.
Just when you thought... just when I thought that in real life I may be accepted, thought of, considered, just mebbe a little worth it - people smack you right back down - full on - all good intentions...... the worst.
G will take me to the hospital, unless things change in the next couple hours. I'll take it from there. Tulip, don't worry, wont call - will drive in and leave the car, Mom can pick it up - I can get home no worries if need be.
After that, I dunno where we go from here - ha, shoulda known better. Stoopid ridiculous idiot. That's me. Trust - HA!
Not his fault time. He's is terribly hurt by what his family have done. this time. All good intentions and all - I am nothing and will be nothing. Hey ho - no worries. This has been made abundantly clear.
His family did it all by themselves, sweet good kind folk that they are - really they are, very lovely folk who are good people - they just didn't think - seems to run in the family.
Sick of it all, sick of being "no-one and nothing" in real life.
One nite - couldn't it just have been about me for one nite and nothing else. No - not in real life.
So..................... NOW
taken my pills and should pass out soon - shouldn't be posting.
Up at 6am...
screw it - just get me on the damn table and get on with it. Past caring. Bigger the sleep the better and this may all have been a bad dream. Ha, yeah right.
I'm gutted. I can't even cry. O4FS.
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my cyber world kicks in
thank you for all your support - it means so much, tho you may question your mantality there after my outburst. I can't go into surgery feeling this shite... I can't. I need to read back some happy posts. I will do that in the morning.
I won't be posting again I don't think for a little bit. Trust me, I'll be back.
BOSUN and BLUE to the helm, Harbour Master Bring Them In Clear and Missi, Tulip and the girlies crew... take care of my boyz please. Love you all.
Bazza - talk in the morning darlin'. have ya tissues, may need kleenexe.
Don't worry, tho they already did, they will not make me feel so utterly worthless again. EVER. HA... the funniest thing is - I thought they liked me -DOH!!!!!!!!!!!!
G's hurting as much too - we can't talk - it way too raw. Family do not accept me - my barriers are back up and I have not to think how worthless that makes me feel right now.
No worries. Op tomorrow. Get on with it.
Screw everything else.
That's how I feel. I'm so sorry to let y'all down.
Be back as soon as I can and get some safety here. NO WORRIES.
ALL IS GOING TO BE TICKETYBOO.
Sorry. Was going to be upbeat. Couldn't do it.
Crew - you know I love you, I'm sorry to be like this.
Just once - where he thought about my needs.
I must be a complete bl**dy idiot.
Sad. Very sad.
On a happy note - all your comments have made me feel very special - i thank you for that, and love you all - genuinely, not mamby schmamby love you - i do, love thee crew.
BEAgle had a great party. Have a Baileys for me darlin;
BLUE- miss you. ((((((((((you)))))))))))
), steak and snags for the bbq. Will drink one to your good health Izzie, and may as well have another one for mismi, one for the harbormaster, one for annis and others. 
