@Izzie,
So........ went to the DSC and met with one of the folk there " he had a chat with me about wearing “made” shooz - mountains and all... " anyhoo " he said that he knew I wouldn’t go with the “boot” idea " but they could make some shooz with all the supports that I need for my arches and ankles that look kinda “trainer-ish”. They aren’t too bad at all. REALLY.
He did all the measurements and then took moulds of my feet " “ouch” painful as he had to push down hard on my ankles and toes " I shouted
verra loudly
G nearly jumped out of the chair! Ha! It was good having G go with me " that was quite telling. Good telling. Had a big long talk with him last nite on the phone " but today was a bit of a break through, I think. Reality check. Have dropped my defences just a little " it doesn’t feel too OMGawdish right this minute. Day at a time, day at a time.
Also, I saw the BigBoy at my parents house " it was a little bit of a curveball for both R and me - I was driving Molly and he wasn’t overly happy yet he was completely indifferent " R-boy wasn’t expecting me to have G’s car, but then, I didn’t know R-boy would be at my parents house. S-boy has big (huge) issues with G too - mmmmm " hurdles are getting a little higher.
S-boy had a massive tantrum tonite " overtired, overawed, over done! Sad thing is " all he wants is his brother, he just wants his brother to come home and be with us. When they are together " he emulates R " it’s not a good thing to see when it’s negative. He’s very disrespectful to me when R is around " heap big attitude. We’ve both really cried tonite " hurts like hell not having R around us.
I don’t wanna go back onto my other thread " even tho Noddy is there " I don’t want to go back there, so I’m gonna post this here.
S-boy wrote this for his English homework. They've been reading a novel and were asked to write about the boys feelings.
Being homeless!
I’m homeless! I feel alone and scared. As people walk past they point and grimace and think of me as dirt.
The whisper of the wind brings a frightful feeling which makes me shiver and quake.
A nervous life leads me, an endless trail of hurt, fear and anger controls me. I live on the doorway of hopelessness.
As I beg for money, nothing but a kick in the face and £2.50 a week is what I get. But I guess I disserve it for being a young child with no home no family or friends. I sleep in the same clothes week after week. No one to support or to help me.
Crum’s, mouldy packaging and tips of shoes, is a king sized feast for me.
As I look up at the grey gloomy sky, I think of a happy life with my family and friends, their help and love - then I catch my reflection and it’s all gone and I realise where I am in a dark misty ally where screams of terror and despair surrounds me.
And all I have now is the glare of a street lamp and my dark cold doorstep and my newspaper blanket.
He’s a good wee writer - scary insight.
Just makes me cry. It’s like listening to R talking and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get past it. Neither, so it seems, can S-boy " even tho he has the smile of sunshine. He says it’s not fair that everyone thinks he’s so good and R-boy is so bad " he wishes he were “the bad one” so that R-boy would be “the good one” and come home. He says if he doesn’t see R he doesn’t think about it so much " but when he sees him, he just wants his brother to come back. I keep telling him R-boy wasn’t, isn’t and never will be bad and that he hasn’t gone " he’s just having to live life “his way”. S-boy has had counselling after the things he saw R do. I dunno " not sure what to do other than reassure him. Have to put a huge mask on..... it’s crap.
Jeez..... we’re screwed. Shouldn’t really have said all that. Hey ho.
Oh....... wellllllllllllll....... what started out as being a happy post " has turned to Mizerable Iz ....... best stop thinking and go and play some games or something. Oof.
Rambling. Ack.
(((Izzie)))
