@Tryagain,
there there...
First up - Sean is doing OK - been asleep for a couple hours but enjoyed having Tulip's boy over to stay, even tho he kept falling asleep. He's not in as much pain, so that's a good sign.
ps <insert ‘The Fruit of her Loins’ for each S.E.A.N.word>
I am protecting my child.
I am doing things the only way I know how and what I believe is right for HIM.
The way I know how is from working in education for over 10 years and being a child protection officer at my school and being a parent.
I know the system. I know how it works. I know the protocol.
I am trying to keep perspective.
All I know for sure is Sean has been hurt and he needs to heal.
I have put my son’s account of what happened, along with evidence from the hospital and their professional opinion of the extent of the break, along with copies of the discharge and reports in writing to the school.
I have fought many legal battles for the rights of my other child, at that time more emotionally, with schools, the system and to the highest level possible in the Houses of Parliament – so rest assured, I know what I need to do, and will do, to protect my son. I have help from those I trust and I’ll do this right way and with guidance. I don’t know the legalities of “assault” but I do now have information.
I am more angry than anyone can possibly imagine that this happened.
I have seen red.
I also have a detached view – so call me dead - which allows me to see and listen and a calm supportive voice which enables me to hear, to do what’s best for Sean.
Yes, I do actually feel sad for the 18 yr old who has done this, as I would for any child we educate that commits an act that can have an effect on the rest of his life.
A stupid, stupid thing to do with serious consequences.
Perhaps my personal experiences with my eldest son colour my emotions but it does not colour what I will do to protect my younger son, just, as I imagine, what the boy’s parents will do to protect him.
That does not in any way mean I condone what this boy has done or that I’ll let it go or that my child’s injuries are lessened – our job in education is to “educate” – this person is NOT a known bully, he is not one of the children who has ever given Sean grief, or given grief to anyone else as far as I know, he is a mate of his and someone who right now, Sean feels betrayed by and angry at.
Sean, being Sean, is going through phases of worrying about what has happened to the boy and then not caring what happens to the boy, because in his mind, this was a deliberate act.
Don’t think for one minute that I am defending this boy. I’m not.
What I don’t want is for Sean to “flashback” and suddenly remember the scenario in a different way. I am thinking of SEAN, and only SEAN.
I have done what is “required” regarding getting my ducks in row.
I have not taken my son back to the school at this time as has been requested by the school but I will do, as for Sean, this is his school. The fact that he feels very strongly that this was deliberate, even tho he does not wish to be the one who makes the decision of what to do (he entrusted that to the school), I know that this needs to be resolved – for HIS benefit. He’s not scared of the boy, not in any way at all – he’s p1ssed at him. His version has not altered once.
I have asked for the official accident report and investigation so that I have ALL the evidence in front of me to present to whomever I feel necessary, should Sean need this.
The school contacted my son yesterday night without my knowledge, whilst I was on the telephone. Sean has a very unique relationship with the head of pastoral care, they are very close; she has been his counsellor over the years when Sean was coming to terms with the events that have happened in his life, regarding his brother. They have a very close bond and Sean had tried to call her on Thursday night when he was inconsoleable. However, I don’t believe they should not have spoken to him without me being present.
Sean was given the boy’s version of events.
a) They were mucking about
b) There was a ball involved
c) A collision took place
d) Both boys were hurt
e) Sean was laying on floor holding shoulder, other arm out
f) The boy admits he went to “pretend” kick/thud Sean in the stomach
g) Sean went to protect his stomach and ribs
h) Boys says he fell over Sean’s other arm with his foot stomping down on Sean’s wrist.
i) Boy says he walked off to get help.
Sean’s response was
“I don’t mean to be rude Mrs.X, but that’s just the most pants excuse I ever heard”
In his mind it was a deliberate act.
This happens all in 30 seconds, less probably; Sean has no recollection of his arm moving over his stomach and ribs (this would have been instinctive) leaving Sean with broken bones and in some way “the cause” of what happened. Which of course, we feel is bollocks as Sean is NOT to blame in any way at all and should not be made to feel that way.
Sean asked MrsX why the boy had not been suspended immediately.
The school told him that they had to get all the witness accounts first and conduct an investigation, that they have a dilemma and they need him to make a decison. They told him that they have different accounts from all of the children – some say Sean’s version, some say it looked like it was an accident.
The phone call yesterday to Sean, I believe, was wrong and places Sean with undue pressure. They have asked him to make a decision about what “he” wants to happen and they will act.
I received an email from them after this call happened to ask what time I will be there on Tuesday to meet with the Headmaster and MrsX. I’ve established that Sean said last night that “we will be coming to the school after the Fracture Clinic on Tuesday.”
Of course, that statement is correct.
Sean thought it meant we would go straight to the school from Exeter on Tuesday.
What it meant in reality is: Sean is back to the hospital on Tuesday so… we will go to the school after he has been to the fracture clinic, at a suitable time for all concerned. Which means later in the week when his Dad has returned to Devon.
How easy is it for misinterpretation to occur – not only with kids, but adults.
I have got the behaviour policy.
I have got other information also, via other means.
I have lots of information and thoughts – and can do little with them at this point in time, except for what I’ve done already.
I have acted on the information I have got by writing to the school.
This is not a state school v private school issue. I work in state education and my son receives private education (anyone who knows me knows the personal and medical reasons I had him go there)… it doesn’t make a jot of difference where this happened in that respect – I still cannot act without ALL the information in front of me. This is to protect Sean too. What he says makes all the difference to what now happens to the other lad and what happens when Sean returns to school.
Rushing in and believing that breaking another boy’s bones is somehow going to make Sean feel better, is wrong. It wouldn’t make him feel better.
Believe me, I adhere to “we look after our own” more than most could ever think possible. People who know and love me know that already. So whilst I may appear pink and fluffy, I know that is the strongest way and right way to be at this point and I will get the job done in my son’s best interest. Thankfully, I have the strength to do that. Sean also knows that I, and those who love him, will fight tooth and nail for him.
Everything I’ve done so far, was done DAYS ago. I have spoken to the police. I know what the police can and would do. I have a timeline of what Sean is thinking and feeling. I put it in writing and keep it documented in my head as well as written down.
As I’ve repeatedly said, this was not a bullying situation. In our opinion on what we know from Sean, an assault happened to my child.
Yes, the boy is bang to rights in the damage done. Sean has broken bones.
It’s his word against the other boy. The witnesses accounts are the words that will count – when dealing with children, that makes it all the more difficult. We need those words and the boys words, in writing, from the school. If am to throw school policy back at the school and the lack of implementation I need to know the date, time and details of when they took this report to be able to say they have not acted or should have acted. As I don’t have that report – I can’t say what the school has done, whether they have acted, what they know from their end.
Of course, they will be wishing to protect themselves and the school and have undoubtedly lawyered up already.
I am not at school. I do not know what the other kids said other than being told over the phone and from what Sean told me about the phone call. A phone call means sh!t – I need it in writing. I need the detail of what the Housemaster WROTE down in the official report. He was there. He heard what Sean said. He was there with me at the hospital and heard Sean repeat it. He will have been part of the statement process. I have told the school that I require an official written accident report of the events.
For all I know, IN OFFICIAL WRITING, every child there may have turned around and said it was an accident. It doesn’t matter what I’ve been told on the phone or what they’ve now told Sean… what matters is what that school investigation report states. THEN and only THEN can I do something about this.
I have no reason at all to doubt Sean’s word, and I don’t… his words make all the difference to how we, as parents, proceed. Everything everyone else says does matter in how the school proceed, whether we like it or not.
In a legal sense of was damage done, it’s clear cut as the x-rays show. Broken bones with or without intent.
I am trying to protect my son in all scenarios. There are always 2 sides to the story, there is only one truth and the perceptions can be wholly different – only one person really knows whether he meant to hurt Sean – two incidents occurred, the collision causing both boys to fall – that was the accident. What happened then gave an outcome of broken bones to my child who was laying on the floor. He believes the boy meant to hurt him.
The boy has obviously denied this.
There are only two parties who can establish what exactly happened and thus decide on the next step: The school and the police.
The phonecall witness reports are conflicting. There ARE witnesses that say from what they saw it looked like an accident.
I have spoken to the police at length again today. I am informed that a UK school is a Unitary Authority; this means that if they are in the process of conducting an investigation, that the police could not take action until the findings of the investigation are completed. Sean is at no risk from the boy and is obviously not at school. This, in reasonable terms, the school should be given 7 working days to complete their investigation.
If we are not then happy with the “end result” and wish to proceed with calling in the police, they would then make enquiries, take statements blah. This would then be given to the CPS. The CPS then determine whether there are sufficient grounds to charge the boy. They will only do this IF the corroborating witnesses are clearly stating there was intent to stomp.
Obviously, there is no question the outcome was shocking.
As the boy has said this was an accident, and there are witnesses that back up his account of going towards my son and possibly “pretending” to kick him in the stomach, then tripping over Sean’s arm resulting on a crush force injury to his wrist… then, in his opinion and experience, the CPS would NOT press charges. He said he would bet a month’s wages on it. If some kids say it was an accident, chances are the CPS would not charge him.
The officer I spoke to say that “yes” how bloody unfair is that when your son believes differently. How bloody unfair is that he gets the broken bones, he gets to miss exams, he gets the pain.
Life isn’t bloody fair.
But we all knew that anyway
He also informed me that should the CPS decide there was enough evidence to press charges, that Sean etc would have to go to court etcetc and from their experience, they know how difficult that is for children and this will take months.
As I have not seen the witness report so far or had the reports from the school, I do have to sit back and wait.
The police do say that a meeting with the school is in everybody’s best interest, that for us to be working against the school will not beneficial. Obviously, if we disagree with any school action/lack of action after reviewing all the reports, then that is a bridge we will have to cross.
So, I will remain pink and fluffy and look after my own, pure and simple – can’t do it any other way.
IN CONCLUSION
a) I will send another short factual statement of Sean’s account to school.
b) We will await their reply of findings.
c) We will then ask what they then propose to do.
d) We will either agree, or not.
e) We will then consider any further action required.
f) There will be no school meeting (unless it is private between us and headmaster) until we have seen their findings.
g) We will then decide, dependent on the conclusion of the investigation, if and when Sean returns to school with assurance that he will not suffer any responsibility for decisions that may affect the other boy (that's not his concern)
h) We will get our son back into his education and to complete his first year of GCSE’s as soon as we can.
i) aye aye - there is no "I" in SEAN, this is solely about what's best for SEAN.
, the break should not affect the growing plates. He has had mri's for the knee and feet problems last year sometime and no-one has ever indicated that there was any problem with bone density etc. He has also seen a rheumatologist and orthopaedic surgeon and neither have said there was a problem.
