"YABBER-LINER" - ALL ABOARD

I too have had a son at a school where bullying was swept up and discarded for the sake of the school's reputation. The welfare of the kids takes second place but schools were ESTABLISHED in order to keep kids safe and show them some good moral guidelines, in addition to education. The school is failing in their duty of care to both kids.

It shouldn't become about the welfare of the bully, but it often does. Not wanting to be insensitive to the forces that create a bully, our society as often as not goes too far the other way.

I have some suggestions, don't know how practical. (I'm going to word it forcefully, obviously none of this is compulsory )

There has to be a meeting where S has an opportunity to confront, we'll call him B, for bully, with those x-rays. If there could be a qualified person there to make some assessment of whether B's remorse was genuine, so much to the good. All cost to be borne by his family.

If S decides not to press formal charges there are still plenty of ways that B can contribute to his community to show his remorse. Do hospitals still accept volunteer labour? Community visitors? I don't know, but this boy needs some empathy training and supportive contact with people on a trauma or ortho ward would likely give it.

If it is possible to defer his entry to the Marines by six months while he fulfils this obligation that is the price he pays for failure to control a vicious impulse. If it could be enshrined in a legal document, that would be good, too. The financial costs of this might make the parents think, some people don't understand unless there is a penalty.

His, and his parents, willingness to try to atone will be a very good measure of genuine remorse. So often it becomes a case of "But I SAID I was sorry. Waddya want from me?"

For me, it comes down to whether he is genuinely devastated by his unconsidered action or is now just looking, with his parents, for a way to avoid consequences. The fact that he HAD that impulse at all doesn't say good things about him.

I'm sorry, I've made it all about the bully, too. But I am trying to find a way that S can be assured that this kid understands what he did without having to bear the (unfair) guilt of making him bear long term consequences.

I wish it was possible to have a uniformed police officer in that meeting but I'm pretty sure once they know about it they have to proceed. ?

My son did something silly, in the way of destruction of property, with a few of his mates once. Our local cop gave him a very stern lecture and made them repair the damage, but avoided formal proceedings. I've always admired the approach, but this requires something a little more concrete.

I really feel for S. Somebody has hurt him, unfairly and intentionally, and the attitude of the school has made it necessary for you and him to accept the responsibility for seeking a just outcome. That was their job.

Sorry about the extended rant. Love.

I'm absolutely with Roberta. I'm angry, too.

And here is something that is making me even angrier. I wish to hell everyone would stop calling this an "accident." This was NO ACCIDENT!!! An accident is something that happens unintentionally, so it is not your fault. Calling this an "accident" is denying responsibility.

He intentionally stomped on a smaller boy's wrist, meaning to hurt him. And it did. Pleading that he didn't "intend" to break bones is ridiculous. It's like someone trying to avoid a ticket after a car crash by saying, "Yes, officer, I did try to run into that tree, but I didn't mean for it to crumple the front of my car!"

Grrrrrr!!!!!

I will also admit that this is part of sports that I follow, sports that are arguing about all this.

Bounties?

I don't think the injure route is a way to being a good player, but it goes on.

I don't think it is a good way to be a marine walking down the street as a generalization. I'll agree knowing how to do it can be useful. Not in a game. That guy is out of control.

omigawd it's Ben Stein and Uma Thurman

I like both, of course.

****, dutchy is younger than me.

Don't bet on it ossobuco.

Thank you ehBeth.

I think that was four years ago, photo by the famosa Mame. I'm more wizened and crankier looking. Cowdoc and Mrs. Cowdoc took some pics on a recent visit.

You look calm.

Found Soul of course looks glorious. Reminds me of my friend Mary Lou.

Spendius



I'm going to take that as a compliment spendddddy ..... I sometimes wish I was born in my parents era.. Kind of feel I missed out on the "better times" .. You know my favourite movie is the Titanic

E-Beth (I'm honored) I think that she is beautiful, like me, she thinks she is average.. I bet Elle Mc is peeved though about the engagement and baby huh...life.

Osso I don't know who Mary is but thank you for the compliment, I am still laughing that I have (1) eye

Dutchy, ya be a stud just admit it

IZZIE......................... Still thinking of you, what beautiful friends you have here that obviously are in your life off of here.. !!

Ahhhh, fire place to keep me warm whilst I cook for the clan... Paige (daughter) is playing netball in this weather? That's Ohmygawddddd... David standing there hands in pocket haha, freezing... that part not funny........

This morning I changed the washer in our outside bib tap and put some PTFE tape in the stuffing box, oh what a good boy am I, impressive eh?

Works like a dream now, like a good tap should.

Now my wife can get on with watering the plants.

Hi all!

MacT you go water the garden!! Ha!

Well the sun is shining again! My wate butt has run dry! Trying to keep my veg hydrated but it is hard!

F-boy is staying with Sboy tonight, Sboy flung his good arm round me! Bless him! I told Izzie what I thought and that she really needs to support her son at the moment and fight that private school mentality! It is not acceptable to do those things! Ok the boy is really a top notch student, getting high standards in all he does but does it make it right? ok I know that in private school certain things happen but should we accept it? My answer is no! Sorry Izzie I really feel strongly about this! The other lad chose to do what he did! Ok it was the heat of the moment but why should Sboy bear the scars? I can not blame Sboy not wanting to attend a meeting to face the person that did this! You have to be his champion! Get a solicitor to represent you! This lad has not even been suspended! Wrong, Wrong! Use your anger to support what is right! I have to write this hear so that others can have their say! So Izzie am sooooo cross that Sean has ended up like this! Hugs to you and if I can help you know I will!

Well changing the subject - I actually went out last night with an old friend! First time in a long while! Danced the night away to Rock 'n' Roll outlaws http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcTCmq3DGL0
So have a little tired!

Hugs to all X

I said the same,via PM,but with much stronger words.

Awaiting the view from a teacher in the ordinary public school sector.Will let you know.

Good to hear tht S-boy is healing..but it sure is injustice that the other fellow is not even suspended?!! How is he to know th gravity of his mistake?or he shud be attending the hospital and seeing for himself - what how his 'impulse' is impacting a whole family!!!

From a Teacher's pov -

Hi Baz,

This is dreadful!!!

Below are my thoughts.

In a state school, a whole series of sanction procedures should kick in - a fixed term exclusion at the very least, following an investigation by the school's senior leadership team. Bullying and intimidation is taken very seriously in my school (ironic really, considering that the exec head is a serial bully of the worst kind!). I'm guessing that very little investigation was needed, as there were plenty of 14-year-old witnesses when the violence occured. Since the perpertrator was 18, and therefore not a minor, I would think that the parent would be able to go to the police directly. This is not one minor harming another - usually dealt with by the school initially. If the parent does not want to go to the police as a first port of call, can he/she tell the school that if the matter is not investigated properly by the school, (with the a copy of the details and the outcome sent to the parent) he/she will refer the matter to the police......and the media. If the school 'investigate' but generally cover the matter up, (giving the perpertrator a pathetic sanction or no sanction at all), then I'd go to the police to make sure a proper and fair investigation happens, pointing out that the perpertrator was NOT a minor. It looks like the school is brushing it under the carpet - the negative publicity would obviously affect the view of prospective parents parents thinking of spending thousands sending their children to a school that harbours thugs and seems to have no child protection in place. The private school I went to used to do similar ducking and diving, to avoid having 'waves'.

It looks like your friend is doing the right thing by gathering evidence. Keeping a daily log is a good idea, including things like observations of pain, emotional distress the child is experiencing, but avoid emotive language/opinion, keeping to formal/factual. Since the child now cannot write down his account of what happened, the parent should record a statement by the child, in the child's own words, without asking leading questions. Instead use "Explain to me what happened ....." or "Tell me about what you did next ......" etc. Avoid paraphrasing, and instead, record exactly what was said during the incident by either party (use quotes). It is best for the parent not to approach the perpertrator directly, as this will not go in the parent/child's favour, especially if the approaching happens on school property. If any of the witnesses have voulunteered statements/logs (with the permission of their parents) it is best that they do this independently of the victim/victim's parent, so that there can be no accusation of influencing the witnesses. If the police were involved, they would do all this anyway.

Was this free time, morning break/lunch break or after school? Either way, I would question what the school's policy is on unsupervised pupil use of areas of the school's grounds. Tell your friend to ask for a copy of relevant policies, notably, the behaviour/sanction policy. Your friend can go through it with a fine toothed comb and identify discrepancies between what the school says they will do and what they have actually done/not done.

Unfortunately, this is often the case that the battle is not only with bringing the perpertrator to justice, but also getting the 'adjudicator' to be honest and fair as well. Bottom line, if the parent is getting nowhere and too much time has gone by ....go to the police.....but don't leave it for ages so that the usual question of "why did you leave it so long?" can't come up.

Hope this helps your friend, and I hope that his/her child doesn't end up emotionally and physically scarred for life by this experience. If I think of anything else, I'll be in touch!

Love Cate xx

Hi guys

I can see Izzie's and her son's quandary.

Damned if you don't, and maybe damned if you do. Kids can be vicious, and clannish, and this has the potential to go very sour.

I don't want to get involved, although my first reaction was "throw the book at him".
There is the suggestion that no rancour or malice was involved, and everyone is aghast at the outcome of the attack. I can readily understand that.
One thing occurred to me: has any of the medics involved thought to see whether brittle bones is a partial cause?

OH Izzie I have just had the chance to stop in and read back on what has happened with S-boy. I am so sorry . It's just terrible and to have the added burden to have to make decisions about what the consequences are for the other boy is just not right. S-boy and you should not even have to think about that, you should just concentrate on healing.

The school should have stepped up with consequences. They must have policies on what happens when one student intentionally injures another student. It doesn't matter if he "didn't mean to break his arm" he did mean to hurt him, and intentionally acted on it. It doesn't matter that he was angry or having a temper fit. People get pissed off but they don't all go around breaking arms because they are pissed. Personally I would hate to see a young man with that kind of inability to keep his actions in check, in the armed forces anyway.

I can understand that you don't want to cause this boy permanent repercussions in his life for a really bad decision right now, but there has to be some consequence for his actions. Stuff like this just brings out the mama bear in me and I want to go over there and give him what for...

Anyway, I wish you well in what ever happens with the perpetrator, but more importantly I wish S-boy well with his healing process in mind and body.

(((Izzie))) (((S)))
Thinking of you both. Praying for guidance and a sure knowledge of what to do when. Can't imagine how hard it is. Praying S is in less pain and will heal with no repercussions. Love you Iz.

It's one of mine. The crucified hero. A heroine called Rose. The red rose and the briar. A mother called Buckater. Ruth (less) DeWitt (clever) and a (h)ater of bucks.

But Jack's death is not caused by love. He was not in love with Rose when he won the death-dealing ticket in a card game. He would not be in the card game if he wasn't trying to get back to Wisconsin and he would not be trying to get back there if he had never left.

BTW--the actor who played Cal's enforcer played the scientist who had the two mythological female essences in jars in The Man With Two Brains. David Warner, who played Spicer Lovejoy.

What made you like the movie so much?

Some more thoughts from Teacher -

Hi Baz,

Got your reply text this morning - you're very welcome.

In fact the more I think about this case, the more I feel that this is a very calculated act. The 18 year old did not just storm up to the 14 year old and punch him on the nose in the heat of the moment (which would be bad enough). Nor did he threaten to do something like give the boy a 'wedgie' or steal his trousers off him, sending him home in his underpants (also bad enough). He threatened him with extreme violence - stamping on his chest would have killed him! This is not simply some rough and tumble or some playground scrap.

I am wondering whether this 18 year old is about to sit his A'levels, and the school wants to 'protect' him so that he gets to sit them, and thus bump up the school's position on the league table (since every grade of C and above counts) . Believe me, it is the be-all and end-all in state schools mainly to keep Ofsted off their backs, so it is even more likely in a school that relies on fees rather than state funding. Private schools rely on league tables to fend off Ofsted AND attract prospective rich, bright and well-behaved pupils.

When did the incident occur? I think your friend should give the school a time limit by which he/she expects them to reply to him/her in writing about what actions they will take/will not. Doing things by letter is a good idea, in order to create a paper trail of evidence showing the school's incompetence at dealing with the situation.

A solicitor's letter to the school is another option, to shake them up if they are stalling, or as it really sounds, doing absolutely nothing.

My instinct at this point would be to go to the police. And I wouldn't be fobbed off with "this is a matter for the school to investigate". This is at minimum assault, but I'd say it is more like GBH!

Let me know how it goes for your friend.
Cate x

Greetings earthlings, I was somewhat dismayed that none of you accepted my invitation to attend the Circuit de Monaco to watch the 2012 Monaco Grand Prix - Formula One World Championship.

I would urge y’all to read the notice board in A>KK (2K) pronounced – Hey-Touquet in Mississippi.

What brings me from my slumbers is the distressing circumstances of (and without wishing to incur the wrath of Splendorous by misnaming the victim, the boy shall henceforth be referred to as:

‘The Fruit of her Loins’.

I would urge caution in respect of information supplied via unknown sources; no matter how well intentioned they may be.

For example:
Quote, “…but I'd say it is more like GBH!”

Grievous bodily harm (often abbreviated to GBH) is a term used in English criminal law which has become synonymous with the offences that are created by sections 18 and 20 of the Offences against the Person Act 1861.

Section 20 In England and Wales reads:
Whosoever shall unlawfully and maliciously wound or inflict any grievous bodily harm upon any other person, either with or without any weapon or instrument, shall be guilty of a misdemeanor, and being convicted thereof shall be liable . . .

For this purpose, a wound is an injury that breaks the continuity of the skin.
A single drop of blood is sufficient, but it must fall outside the body.

A bruise or internal rupturing of blood vessels is not a wound and neither is a broken bone.
Therefore with the details of the injury as supplied, it cannot be GBH.

One thing is for sure, with so much conflicting advice and suggestions it cannot all be acted upon; but I have no doubt that with Gods guidance Izzie and The Fruit of her Loins will arrive at a mutuality agreeable way forward that allows them time to heal, a safe return to a learning environment and the knowledge that justice has been seen to have been done.

For every Christian child who ever went to Sunday school learned, “Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good”, and “Therefore if your enemy hungers, feed him”. (Romans 12:21/20)

After all -
“VENGEANCE IS MINE”, sayeth the Lord. From Leviticus in the Old Testament to Romans in the New, we have been told to never seek vengeance against one another, “but you shall love your neighbor as yourself. (Leviticus 19:18)

Therefor I would suggest we let the Lord sort it out; and the Lord I would choose is…
Lord Voldemort!

Believe me; he would get the job done.

Best wishes and kind winds to all; including our friends in Canada who are suffering an infestation of the yellow jacket wasp and mosquitoes. Considering both multiple stings and allergic reactions to single stings, insects actually harm or even kill (in rare cases) more than three times as many Canadians as snakes do.

None of them are actually poisonous, but some have saliva that can irritate or provoke a reaction, and others can introduce infections when they bite.
Examples of infections and reactions include the following:

West Nile virus is passed on by the bite of mosquitoes that have become infected by feeding on the blood of infected birds. The first confirmed Canadian human case of West Nile virus was reported in Ontario.

Do not swap fluids with a Canadian unless you want to ‘Ride the Nile’.

Arrivederci


Post Scriptum — I regret that time does not permit me to re-write and correct and condense the whole of this communication and as long as this communiqué has grown, I find it necessary to append a postscript ; if possible, a short one –

Post postscriptum - no that is not possible, so I will leave it their – no, there!