Is he telling the truth???

You seem more interested in the child than he does.

The person I married fathered a child with someone else before I met him (when he was nineteen). The mother of his child also married someone else and he signed his parental rights over so that that man could adopt the little girl when she was 18 months old.

As someone who came after and was not involved and didn't know the people involved at ALL, it never even crossed my mind to insert myself or any future children I might have (and in fact do have now) into this person's life or situation. Why do you feel you have the right to do that?

jamielynn509- Welcome to A2K!

If I were you I would be VERY bothered by this. It sounds like he left a woman and his child in turmoil for six years, just to get his jollies. He does not sound like a very nice person. If he is capable of such hostility, how do you think that your life will turn out if you stay with him?

If it were me, I would think long and hard before I would become too terribly involved with this person. He sounds like a real loser.

I guess i should of said a little more

Your right maybe i dont have the right to let my future kids know that they may have a half brother out there somewhere. I just know that I would like to know that, as would many other people. Thats all i meant by that.
And heres the deal, she left him. He has panic attcks and agroaphobia(look it up). its not like he could run to texas a chase after her. and yes it was wrong of him to hold out on siging rights over. thats agreed. but like i said. it hurt him that bad that she up a took the child and he couldnt do much about it. and didnt know if it was his or not. I get on to him that he should of had a dna test done as soon as she said it wasnt his. all he can tell me is that he was young and stupid...also agreed. and he did try and be apart of his life, but the mother wouldnt have it. he has been practicaly house bound since he was 19 ...he's 27 now. Its not like a man who cant go 4 miles away from his house has the self esteem and confidence to fight for anything, expecially once he has been beat down by her actions. Besides all the moral issues with my question, I just wanted to know if anybody knew the legal part of it. Does one have to have a dna test before siging rights over in mississippi??? thats all, i want to know.

Jamielynn--

You seem to be an up-front, take-charge woman with no direct responsibility for what your fiance did nor not do in the past.



I know in some states if the father of record cannot be located, an adoption can move forward. Whether this is true of all states, I don't know.

Is the mother of this child an ex-girlfriend or an ex-wife? Is your fiance's name on the child's birth certificate (which makes him the father of record of the child)?

As far as child support goes, you can't get blood from a stone, but if your fiance receives any money for being disabled part of this check can be attached for the purposes of child support.

Obviously you want to know all the ramifications of your financial situation before you get married and have more children to support.

I am not a lawyer, but I am fairly certain that a DNA test is not required to relinquish parental rights. What is required is that the State of Texas is sure that someone has officially taken over responsibility to support the child.

Find out whether or not that adoption is official. If so, your fiance is off the hook for child support.

Has your husband seen a doctor and been officially diagnosed with disabling panic attacts and agoraphobia? Are you going to be the breadwinner for the family?

In the title to your question you seem to have doubts about whether your fiance is telling you the truth. Does he often tell fibs--or even lies--to escape the responsibility for his actions?

I'm not an attorney, but basically the way it works is that if they were married at the time of the childs conception/birth and nothing to the contrary is indicated, the state assumes that the husband is the father of the child. Had he protested and demanded a paternity test, his name could possibly be withheld from the birth certificate until results come back from a dna test. But, since that doesn't seem to be the ase, the state assumed he was the father, his name is on the birth certificate, she left, found someone else that wanted to adopt and your fella made them go through some hoops to make it happen.

Your fiance did not have to have a paternity test to prove if the child was his or not. The state assumed it to be so by nature of marriage. The mother just played along, knowing he wouldn't demand custody, and when she found someone to adopt the child in your fiance's place, they had to run some legal ads in some papers and do a couple of other minor things when he wouldn't agree to just sign the paperwork.

He tried to do the right thing and married her shortly after they found out she was with child, and he was prnouced the father on the birth certificate and the child took his last name.
And I read some papers I ran across and it basically said that with signing the rights over and having no way of telling how long he will not be able to work that she would not receive any support.
Im not positive if he was adopted, but my man, we'll just call him D, said that the child did call him and ask him to sign over rights because he wanted "this guy to be his daddy" and thats when he said that he'd would always be there if he wanted ( i question why he would say this if he knew it wasnt his??)and decided to give up on the fight.
And yes he's been in treatment, for 8 years now. He is legally considered disabled, with agroaphobia (extreme case) and panic attacks. And yes I am the working one.
And no he's a really great guy. Whatever idea people have gathered of him from MY mistake on not explaining well enough is wrong. He'd give the shirt off his back for anybody,and the sweetest man on earth. The reason I question him is my own fault as well. I'm going to be honest. I dont want him to have a kid with another women. I know it was way before me, but I almost feel like it is a problem I cannt over come if the child is his. And he loves me dearly, as I do him. And I'm scared that I gave him the impression that I would leave if the child was his, and thats why I think he may be fibbing. hes had a lot of women walk out on him...its a hard life to try and live with this problem, let alone sustain a relationship. BUT HE'S WORTH EVERY BIT OF IT. So basically when he tells me no hes not mine..."she told me so" i question way he fought so long for it...Sometimes he tells me because he like the idea of a child at the time, and he was young and sick. When your sick like him, I guess in a certain way i understand that twisted thought. At times i want to contact her and hear it from her. But thats way too much aint it? I know it is...and it takes all i got to not do that. I'm stuck. I dont want to go ten years from now and suddenly...BAM he's is his son. Whether him contacting D or whatever the case may be. Then again...im a big family person. When we have kids...I want to show them this picture and say YES this is your half brother. It's not like D got to see him much. He was born in july 2000, she left in august of 2000. And he got to see him 2 or three other times. He hasnt seem him since he was 2 or 3. I guess basically I am jealous...I didnt want my child i have with him bring any memories of him and another time...I know in this aspect i have alot of growing to do...I think Im the one who needs to be seeing the psychologist sometimes. But i hate the fact that he cut someone else's umblical cord, sat and talked about baby names, and sat by another womens side at birth... i honestly hate it...well enough of that. I guess theres really no way to know. Either I caused him to hide it from me because he knows how i fell about it if it is his. Or he's telling the truth. Which i believe it is the latter...

There are hundreds of thousands of couples out there where one or both have children by other people.

Sounds like these people are moving on to living their lives. The child will decide what kind of relationship he and "D" will have later.

Get over it.

jamielynn--

If the child has been adopted by another man then that other man is the child's legal father, responsible for financial and emotional support.

You need to be sure a legal adoption has taken place.

As for your confused feelings about being second-best....

Emotions are difficult to deal with--but you must deal with them. Your finance is responsible for his actions before he met you--but he's not responsible to you. You are a part of his present and hopefully his future, but you have no right to his past.

If I were you, I'd be more worried about a man who fibbed/lied when under pressure. He may be acting out of fear and insecurity, but fibs and lies can cause a lot of damage.

Good luck.