10 reasons why why I hate kids ...

Low and behold, 10 reasons why no-one should ever have, or want to have children. If you do have them, there's such thing as post-birth abortion. It's called murder...

1) their sense of humor stinks

as soon as a kid makes a joke you want to say something like "dude, that's fugging lame". Their humor is of a pathetic, sad level. They laugh about everything involving poop and pee (some of you still do). This kid I know has got a cell phone (why? not a clue!) and his ring tone is the sound of a toilet being flushed. And each time he's called (by who? the only person who's got his number is his damn mother and that one friend he probably made up), he starts to laugh like a mad man. Worst part is, his parents will start laughing too.

If a child farts, his mom will put her hand in front of her mouth while starting to giggle, and she'll say something like "oh, sammy!". The father will then look at his daughter with sparkling eyes, and will then pretend to tickle her. The only thing this'll do is encourage the little fart machine even more...

2) they are a nuisance in the supermarket

When shopping, I get run over by one of those hyperactive little fags chasing one of his friends like the supermarket is a damn playground. It gets worse when they can push the trolley. The little bastard will drive against your heels, witch hurts like a bitch. Once you arrive at the check-out, they'll see the shelves with candy and start to whine until they'll get something; causing a scene until their mother gives in. Supermarktets should ban children, especially at the peek periods...

3) Kids are self-centered

Seriously, they think they're the frikkin' centre of the universe. They believe the earth itself rotates around THEM. And they've trained their parents well... When you visit their parents, the kid will push their Winny the Pooh book in your hands, and they'll want you to read tell them a story. If you don't feel like it (it's not your kid, so why bother) they'll climb on mother's or father's lap while getting what they want: the parent will read them the story.

4) they're expensive toys

It's not just the standard stuff like clothes, your phone bill, food and drinks that cost you money. You should also think of the wearing down of furniture, the use of extra water (they get themselves dirty all the time) and electricity costs (can I leave the light on? there are monsters under my be"...). Let's not even start about their own TV, their own computer and internet connection, their three different consoles and their fancy clothes. And the cell phone costs which will be through the roof, if it's a girl. Statistics proove that one child costs 18% pf your net income, while 2 cost 25% and 3 cost 33%

5) Children KILL friendships

You must have experienced, or at least have heard about the phenomenon: you've got these great friends, they get kids and the fyou don't (you were always the smarter of the two) and the friendship is ruined. Dead. Over. Finito. You can't even have a normal conversations with these "parents". And when you'd try to, the subject would always be changed to that damn child! Or it'll interrupt the convo if it goes well... (mommy, I've got to pee. mommy, they touch my peepee. mommy, they don't let me touch their peepee).
Or the parent will be looking at that damn kid the whole freaking time. (hey, I'm sitting over here, bitch!) giving the idea they're not listening to you... which they probably aren't.


6) they steal your identity

Imagine asking your friend with a child how he's doing. As a parent, he'll be unable to answer that question like a normal adult - one without childred - would. They'll tell you all about their children...
"So, mate, how have you been doing lately?"
"Oh, Lizzy has been ill this week, it was terrible. She was throwing up all week long, the poor thing."
(first of all: I didn't want to know that. Second of all, you didn't answer my damn question!)

Or...

"So, I thought about going to the movies this weekend. What's good lately?"
"Oh, we just bought "lame children movie V", it's something different than buying Disney all the time, you know..."

... evil

7) Kids aren't "pure, honest and innocent".

Seriously, that's just a lie told by parents that are beaten up by their 5 year old daughter daily. Why doesn't anyone dare to face the cat that kids are cruel, cunning and just straight evil? Maybe even more than adults, since they've never learned how far they can go and where their boundaries lie. The way they treat each other in kinder garden would make the soldiers at guantanamo bay jealous!
And honest? Oh my god, are you serious? They'd do anything to get that candy. Or lie about stealing that cookie while they were f'ing holding the half they aren't currently chewing on!

8) Children are cool... I mean, cruel... to animals

They throw sticks at dogs (and try to do other things involving sticks, dog and asshole), they try to pet the goldfish or save them because they're drowning, smack their rabbits on the floor to make it lay some damn eggs and they chase the cat like they want to rape it (fortunately, cat's are man / woman enough to show them "the claw).

9) they ruin your interior

Maybe they don't do it personally (although there's a fat chance they think applying a new color to your walls with crayons was a good idea), but people with children will adapt their whole interior to these kids. Sofa's get these covers in all colors and with the most hideous prints, tables will be adapted so they won' die from a head wound when they run into it, and the whole damn house will be covered with their toys.

10) they're kids. 'nuff said (there was a real 10) but it was utter lame)



*disclaimer: parents / to be parents who want to kill me should sent their bomb letters to G.W. Bush, Oval Office, Washington