Stradee and all.
Recently, I was driving to town and saw what looked like a rock in the road - it was a turtle - I stopped and set the turtle on the side of the road it was facing. Hoped for the best.
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here is a funny that I think all y'all will enjoy.
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Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin.
A winning smile.
That unforgettable Southern drawl.
Southern women know their manners:
"Yes, ma'am."
"Yes, sir."
"Why, no, Billy!"
Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions:
"Y'all come back!"
"Well, bless your heart."
"Drop by when you can."
"How's your Momma?"
Southern women know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity
Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The crick
Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
Colorful hi-heel sandals
Strapless sun dresses
Iced sweet tea with mint
Straw hats and big sunglasses
Southern women know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah
Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind
Southern women know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Football
Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy
Grits
Eggs
Country ham
Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly
Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl'stn
S'vanah
Foat Wuth
N'awlins
Addlanna
Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform.
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler
Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon
Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
More Suthen-ism's:
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a
conniption fit , and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
_____
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,
peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
_____
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction
of "yonder."
_____
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, . As in:
"Going to town, be back directly."
_____
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for
the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl
in the middle of the table.
_____
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use
the term, but they know the concept well.
_____
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace
for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a
big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real
crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
_____
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near"
and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can
be 1 mile or 20.
_____
Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between
a redneck, a good ol' boy, and Po white trash.
_____
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing
turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
_____
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an
adverb.
_____
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... And when
we're "in line," . We talk to everybody!
_____
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're
related, even if only by marriage.
_____
In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
_____
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
_____
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee
are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food;
and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
_____
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know
you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
_____
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea", "sweet milk", and "light
bread". Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do
not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want
buttermilk. And "Light bread" is white bread.
_____
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old
ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart"
... And go your own way.
_____
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your
Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and
call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
_____
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all
this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to
have classes on Southernness as a second language!
_____
And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a
long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that
reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."
Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !
Now..... Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or
wish they had been!
If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it. We
know you got here as fast as you could.
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I added this one. No one on earth knows how to spell -
"aaaiigghhhhh". As in when the dog is about to poop in the house a
Southerner sez, "aaaaiggggghhhh"
Till later,
Dan
