Dealing with different personalities at work

Maybe she needs some time. It's obviously affectred her. There could be numerous reasons to why she is acting like this:

Is it because she was in a dominant relationship and therefore, this is the way she feels good about her self by dishing it out on other people...i.e to make her feel good about herself!

Maybe she is just frustrated and is taking it out on other people - this is perfectly natural for human's to do.

Try giving her time to settle a bit and then perhaps take her out for a drink (non alcoholic) and talking to her about it, she obviously seems angry and frustrated, annoyed, from what you have described. Another possibility is because she doesn't feel loved and she wants the attention, very common ampoungst human's. We all need effection and love and if that has been taken away from someone then it leave sa huge gap to be filled and perhaps this is her way of communicating and saying, hey I need someone to help me.

I think she needs counseling. Obviously, you're not the one to give it to her -- she needs a professional. But you can be a part of giving her a wakeup call.

I say don't wait, someone needs to talk to her now. But that someone should not be you. My suggestion is to talk with your supervisor and tell him/her about what's going on. Be specific, e. g. Margie was mean to Dave when he broke the vial and chewed him out in front of a patient, which we're not supposed to do or whatever. Give several examples if you can. Your supervisor is in the best position to talk to her about what's happening and to push an intervention.

If she's disrespectful to even the supervisor, then she really is far gone and needs to be reined in, and the supervisor is in the right position to deal with that. Whereas as more of a peer she might feel comfortable acting like a jerk with you. It takes a lot (or at least it should) for someone to do those sorts of things to their supervisor. Also, the supervisor has some arrows in her quiver where s/he can push for this gal to get counseling -- arrows that you and the other peers do not have.

The supervisor is not going to know (even if the supervisor is around a lot), for sure, unless somebody tells him or her. This is particularly true as there is apparently a nurse who is misguidedly covering for this woman. That is never good, that kind of codependency never, ever works out and all it does is put off the inevitable or smoosh the problems and grief onto an innocent employee. The solution to this is to bring in the supervisor now and let him or her sort it out.

Alot of times people " just laugh things off" when something really bothers them.
It is easier then a confrontation.

I am willing to bet that you are not alone in feeling this way.

is there anyway to approach someone... at least ONE person.. and ask them if they feel the same way?

Of course, approach the subject as if you are looking for a way to help her, but keep you goal of finding out if anyone else feels the same in perspective.
Maybe, if you can find more then one person who agrees, you guys may be able to talk to her about how she is treating everyone.

If I were in that situation, I may be one of the people who just laughs it off because I would not want to approach her either. For all the same reasons you have listed..

Think your being a bit far fetched in saying she needs pro help. From what ive read she aint psycotic or she might be lol And yes some people do need time to recover so there is nothing wrong with binding time.

Anyone who makes a drastic personality change like that is in need of some help. I dont think that idea is too far fetched at all..

Sorry to hear this Marty. I deal with a couple of fairly caustic people almost daily and I know how it wares on everyone around them. I'm in agreement with Jespah. I'd let the supervisor check around to see if anyone else feels this way. If you ask the wrong person it would just get back to your co-worker and then when the Super talks to her she would know the source.

Hang in there. I also know it can be very hard to deal with such a personality change in someone you have known as a friend. I had a good friend for 10-12 years that seemed to suddenly become bitter and caustic after a break-up. She wouldn't hear me, so we have gone our separate ways.

Marty is worried about her friend. Marty is also worried about the toxic atmosphere that is developing in the workplace.

Her co-worker's personality change is affecting everyone who works with her--and possibly patient care.

Giving the woman room to vent and grieve hasn't worked.

I'm for talking to the supervisor.

This has been going on for almost 2 years now. It's driving me crazy and I feel that I'm not being a particularly nice person to her now. I've let it wear me down.

Psychotic? My, my, far fetched is a good term for that. Psst saying that a person needs professional help does not mean it's believed that they're psychotic. Most folks who get counseling aren't.

marty --

Two years is plenty. Not to be harsh, but the time's passed. And, the woman (I'll just call her Pam so that I can use a name instead of "the woman") isn't the only personality in this. marty, after all, is entitled to not have to play therapist with Pam. marty, certainly, deserves to not be dragged into this any more.

I see it as there are six (yep) areas.
1) Pam's mental state, whatever it is
2) The mental states of marty and her peers
3) Pam's connection with work
4) marty and her peers' connections with work
5) Pam's connections to those outside of work (such as patients) and, the counterpart,
6) marty and her peers' connections to patients, etc.

1) Pam's mental state, whatever it is - We don't know a lot about Pam's mental state as none of us are doctors or therapists. However, 180 degree turns don't happen out of thin air. There are all sorts of causes -- organic ones like concussion, mild stroke, early Alzheimer's, brain tumor, etc.; mental health type causes like depression or bipolar disorder or the like and of course the grieving process itself (grieving as in for the death of the relationship). Grief can go on for a while but when it goes on for this long, it's time to call in the pros. Same with the other causes I've given. Another, even less pleasant possible cause, is substance abuse. After all, this is a hospital setting so there may be access. Or a connection to someone with access. None of these are wonderful and they all require more than a friend. They require a pro who has seen it all before and will not be dragged down emotionally.

2) The mental states of marty and her peers - marty and her peers are entitled to be friends. They are also entitled to not have to be amateur therapists. They are also entitled to have a good working environment, free of these types of distractions. marty also said, "I feel that if I socialize with her she is going to use any information about me against me. She constantly badmouths people behind their backs and is extremely judgmental." marty's entitled to not have to deal with this kind of stuff. She doesn't have to put herself in the middle of this.

3) Pam's connection with work - With Pam taking charge of situations that are not for her to control, the question arises as to whether that ever translates into errors or lapses in judgment. I am not badmouthing Pam, marty or anyone who works with them. But when work situations get toxic, errors can creep in. Now, if I screw up once, a report is messed up. Not fun but it can be caught. But if I screw up enough times, the budget might be changed. People could be laid off because of my errors, if it came down to that. In a hospital lab situation, you have to think of things like false positives, false negatives and delays (even if the results are accurate). What if one of these causes a disability or a death? Or a preventable injury? You're talking liability for the lab.

4) marty and her peers' connections with work - marty and her peers have jobs, jobs that they want to do. They don't have to get emotionally beat up while doing them. And they aren't in a position to really intervene. But the supervisor is, because this is why the supervisor is paid the big (or at least bigger) bucks -- to manage the employees. When an employee (Pam) oversteps, the manager has to move in and get control back. Partly because of liability as I mentioned above, but also because the supervisor needs to be the one in charge. As for the coddling nurse, that's got to stop ASAP. It's not doing anyone any favors. It clouds the issues and, like an enabler in AA, it can make it easier for a person to put off getting help. One has to wonder what the nurse's motivations are.

5) Pam's connections to those outside of work (such as patients) - patients are entitled to accurate, on-time test results. Persons waiting for a cancer or HIV diagnosis, for example, need to start treatment soon -- and treatments for either disease are damaging if a person doesn't actually have the disease. Plus the patients don't need to see any squabbles going on in the lab. They want to see their test results, not a soap opera.

6) marty and her peers' connections to patients, etc. - marty and her peers also owe the patients professional service. That's a lot harder to do if those people are playing at therapist.

Anyway, not to rehash, you know my position. At the very least, the supervisor's got to be clued in, even if you think the supervisor knows it all, mention it anyway as that should (one would hope) spur some action.

Very good advice so far, keep it coming.

As far as "Pam" goes, she has had a very strained relationship with her family which was mostly brought on when she married. She has just recently started communicating with her family again. At one point she didn't even know where they lived.
Her husband is a few years younger than her but acts like he's even younger(don't want to offend anyone) He has gotten lots of speeding tickets, has argued with police and experienced road rage and ended up rear ending someone. He told her once that he was embarrassed to show her picture to any of his friends at work. How cruel is that? And she wants the jerk back! He finally moved out saying that he couldn't do this to her anymore. No divorce proceedings are happening yet. His first mention of divorce was over 3 years ago.
She has no access to narcotics at work and I've rarely seen her drink at parties. But then again I'm usually the one with the lampshade on my head. Seriously, I don't suspect that she drinks. I just think she is very lonely and has a very low self image. She just tries too hard to prove herself and sometimes its at the expense of others. I don't expect anyone to be perfect, I just expect everyone to treat each other with respect.

Marty--

I agree with Jespah's post.

In this case saying "Enough" isn't a sign of weakness. Weak people aren't capable of standing up for their rights. "Pam" is imposing on the good will and inalienable rights of her co-workers and has been doing so for two years without improving her own emotional situation.

Say "Enough."

So what if I am the only one who finds her behavior offensive.?

Marty--

Trust your judgement. "Pam" is out of bounds.

Regardless of whether this woman gets help, I think you should speak to your supervisor about her behaviour simply because it's affecting YOU, your feelings about her, and your enjoyment (or not) at work.

You are not responsible for anything about her or anything she does. You are only responsible for you, so you should get yourself some help and support from your supervisor or colleagues or both.

Or, you could simply tell her what you're feeling/thinking. Or avoid her.

Only you really know the best approach for yourself, but just remember, it's your mental health at stake here, not hers. She is looking after herself. You really should do the same.

And 2 years is about 2 years too long, in my mind, to dish that stuff out to anyone or for anyone to tolerate it. It shouldn't have happened in the first place, and when it did, it should have been nipped in the bud.

There is never any excuse for that kind of behaviour. Why are all of you catering to her or tiptoeing around her? So she had a marital split. So what? That does not entitle her to anything except sympathy and support in the normal fashion.

Perhas your not I doubt very much that your the only pne. Perhaps speak to your collegues to find out, thats what I would do. Then it may be best to just have a chat with your friend to share your concerns. Don't go down the route of specialised help without finding the root of the problem.