Modern moms take job too far

They must have interviewed my daughter, sadly.

Well, it's understandable. Some moms give 200%. But this isn't new. is it? I mean, I can remember people talking about this ten, fifteen years ago. The Supermom is not a new trend.

women have always given 200 haven't they?

only now that we let them out of the house, they do it for the world to see.

Agree that this has always been an issue. Could tying motherhood to your identity really be worse now than it was when women had much fewer options? My mother spent 30 years parenting and doing nothing else. I doubt she thought/thinks of herself as something other than a mother.

Modern moms are sure told what to do a lot, that's for sure.

Whatever internal focus there is (moms focusing on themselves, or on each other) there is a whole lot of external focus, too (non-moms telling moms that they are doing the wrong thing in this, this, and that way).

As with anything, balance is the key. This issue has come up in discussions between my wife and I.

My wife is feeling like she's lost herself in the role of mother. Over the past 8 years, I have been allowed the freedom to pursue a music hobby which has taken me out to bars and clubs often until bar time. I developed my own set of friendships separate from our mutual friends.

My wife, however, has not pursued her dreams or interests. She says her world has gotten so small. I thought I had encouraged her to go out, have fun. I was happy to be with the children while she was out. But she says when she would go out she felt I was staying with the kids grudgingly. I really wanted her to have some of the outlet I had. But my communication of that did not come out right I guess.

The ultimate result of all this is a marriage about to end. The role of mother having become all consuming to her put wife on a back burner. My role of provider and bread winner led me to pursue an outlet for the pressure that carries and put husband on the back burner.

Neither of us found balance and moved apart from each other as a result.

I am in no way blaming my wife. I am equally responsible for where our marriage is now. My inability to communicate my needs and my lack of ability to recognize her needs has led us to this.

My wife is a wonderful, dedicated mother. I feel she can continue to be so, yet build herself up as a whole person as well.

No. This is not a new phenomenon. I believe the roles we all play are heavily influenced by our mothers and fathers before us. Only now, we are seeking the balance that makes a family unit healthy.

Amen to that!

Remember in the '40's and 50's there was a lot more physical labor involved in the Wife & Mother job than there is now.

Even in the 60's and 70's, two car families were not standard. Kids walked to play--they weren't driven to a variety of cultural opportunities.

Neighborhoods were closer knit. Families weren't as scattered.

Once upon a time the world was a different place.

I wonder, where does the single mother fit into this. I guess I feel as a single mother, I have no choice but to give 200% because the simple fact there are no other options. The statistics say that the number of single mothers, especially young ones, is on a rapid increase. I fit into that category for sure. Not only am I virtually alone, but my son has special needs. I suppose the role of the mother is more recognized than it used to be. In some ways I do not think this is such a good thing, for they are constantly telling us how to raise our children. They say the mother should have a job so she has interaction away from the children. Yet others condemn working mothers. Granted single mothers do not get that option, but it is still an issue. In other ways, as a single mother, I like to find resources for the mother. I know my mother and grandmother did not have luxuries such as that. They simply were mothers. I do not remember play groups as a child. Or Mommy and Me classes...

Shootingstars--

As I said on the other thread, you've got to find time for yourself or you won't have the resources to be a good mother for a child with extra needs.

A2K is a good place to vent and chat. Welcome.