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Sat 6 Oct, 2007 09:31 pm
My 3 1/2 almost 4 year old is having a tough time in preschool.
She has an aggressive nature and is very very very independent! She is in a pre 4's class for kids with late birthdays so I thought this would be perfect as she tends to be too rough with younger 3 year olds.
She goes twice a week and so far she has had only one good day. Every time I go I am heartbroken at what the teacher has to say.
This last Thursday was the worst ever. She pushed someone off a horse on the playground, raspberried the teacher, poured sand on an unsuspecting child in the sand box, pulled her eyes at the girl of Asian decent in her class thus hurting her feelings. (now that one I do not think she was intentionally making fun as we have a culturally diverse group of friends and I have never ever seen anything like that before. I think it was more fascination and mimicking and once she is told not to do something she'll do it more. More to the teacher than to the little girl. However the little girl was upset and she was told to stop it but didn't, so that's upsetting). And lastly she had a melt down and wanted to go home (of course because she got in trouble).
I have talked to the teacher who is also at a loss as to how to deal with her. I am tired of hearing it's the age for why is she the only one in her class doing this? The teacher makes it sound like she is the only one ever! who has behaved this way.
I also consulted a few other people (teachers and friends) and have come up with a few ideas of what this might be and possible things to try, but I can always use another perspective and a bit of advice.
Thanks!
Sounds like a child who's never heard the word "no" said meaningfully in her direction.
Joe(been there)Nation
Joe Nation wrote:Sounds like a child who's never heard the word "no" said meaningfully in her direction.
Joe(been there)Nation
Or consistently.
Of sourse your child may just be reacting to the over stimulus of the big wide world.
Be consistent in your approach to solving this little hiccup.
It's not a hiccup, dp, the child is aggressive towards younger three year olds and, apparently, the children in this class as well. There needs to be some professional evaluation done here (or at least consistently watch "The Nanny."
Here's a question: She had a good day. What happened on the good day which made things different?
Joe(clock ticking)Nation
Ok, she's aggressive and very, very independent. Is she always aggressive or only when she isn't allowed to be independent. What is your own nature? Are you (or her father) also extremely independent? If so, how do you react when she wants to do something that you don't want her to do?
Check out the books, "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka and "Understanding Your Child's Temperament" by William B. Carey, M.D.
Both books give excellent road maps to understanding different temperaments, assessing your own temperament, and looking at interactions between your own and your child's.
No, she cannot push kids off the playground equipment. Yes, 3.5 is the hardest of hard for outwardly expressive kids. YES, she can learn the meaning of no and acceptable ways to express her frustration (unless, of course, there is an underlying neurological/psychological reason for her lack of restraint).
I have an out-there question that may not seem relevant... Is she, by any chance, adopted?
Catwoman--
How is pre-school going? Has your daughter settled down a bit?
JPB wrote:I have an out-there question that may not seem relevant... Is she, by any chance, adopted?
Why should that make it a difference if she'd adopted or not, JPB?
ugh! i am so sorry for you. it sucks when you have this great idea for your kids and have it all planned out in you head and they just do the opposite and act out.
i don't think i have any advice that you haven't heard before. set limits, have goals, rewards, punishment, etc.
when my brother was a little boy in preschool he was the kid who was always on the "time out" bench everyday. he was such a crazy boy. he always had notes sent home and angry parents concerned for their child. one day he cut a little girls hair almost all off so he could tell her apart from her twin sister. so my mom told me that if he goes through one day without getting in trouble or sent to the bench she would buy him a skateboard. it of course didn't work right away but he eventually had a good day and got his reward. it didn't fix the problem completely but he was better and my mom would give him little rewards after that like a cookie or a small gumball toy.
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