Is this all there is?

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I have spent the last 15 years learning my current career skill set, but in the last 7 years or so, I have to say the magic is gone. I am a computer programmer and systems administrator and I make good money, I have a good home life, the only problem now is motivation. I hate work so much I can no longer concentrate on anything for more than 5 minutes.

Before programming, I was a print designer and got sick of having to deal with client subjectivity. It was very hard for me to put a lot of work into a creative element just to have the client come back and pick it apart and eventually turn it into something I wouldn't even show my mom. So I decided to move towards the technical (and less subjective with better pay) side of the business and started doing some systems administration and programming...it was a nice change at first but it seems like I'm back to square one now.

When I first started seriously messing with computers there was an element of wonder and accomplishment when learning some new language or trick. I enjoyed figuring out the typical types of computer problems we all run into and more complex ones for client projects. I got a great deal of satisfaction and sense of achievement when successful in these areas. Now it is just the same old boring code and administrative tasks day in and day out. I don't care if it's C++, PHP, Python, or Visual Basic. It's not fun anymore, it's just mundane. I now hate computers with a passion. I don't even use my home computer anymore. I can barely bring myself to check my personal emails once every couple weeks, and the only real reason I even do that is to reduce the amount of spam I have to go through all at once.

I doubt there is any job I would ever enjoy doing for the rest of my life. The old "You should do what you love" mantra is true, but what they don't tell you is that what you love doesn't stay the same for you whole life.

Here are the only methods I could come up with to deal with this situation, anyone else care to add some alternatives, feel free.

1. Win the lottery - ain't gonna happen, but I did get hit by lightning once so maybe I have a leg up.

2. Suicide - obviously this takes care of everything all at once, but not a realistic option for me because I have a wife and kids.

3. Change careers every 5-10 years or so to avoid burnout. This isn't too conducive to a high salary though, not to mention time and effort to make the switch.

4. Suck it up and pray for 5:30pm and weekends. This doesn't appear to be working for me anymore.

At this point if I could make as much money digging ditches, I would start digging right now. At least that's a job with zero stress.

Is it just me or is anyone else going through this? or am I just being a cry baby?

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Oh yeah, I've been there. Sometimes it's the job and not the work, so to speak. I've worked places that took all the joy out of the work. And then I've worked places where the problems were tougher, the people were nicer and funnier and more adventurous, and the politics was minimal or we were shielded from it by benevolent and competent management.

But sometimes I feel like I should just choose a different career.

How long have you been with your current employer?

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I've been doing exactly what I wanted for a living all my life except for a couple of years and a coupole of "real" jobs. I never wanted to do anything else and I still make a good living.

Even with all that I get burned out from time to time and hate the work.

Life is not fair, life is not equitable, life is a struggle at best. No matter what. Then you die. find something you lilke.

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I've been working for the current company for 10+ years with one small gap in there. I should also mention it is a family business, so it makes leaving that much harder, i'm more of a partner than an employee. Makes it hard to just leave, but even if I do leave, what's to prevent this same situation from returning a few months later on the new job?

It really seems more like the work than the people, the people are great, the pay is good, the flexibility is great - I just can't concentrate enough to finish projects in a timely manner anymore. I feel like I'm loosing it.

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When's the last time you had a vacation?

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Bi-Polar Bear wrote:

I've been doing exactly what I wanted for a living all my life except for a couple of years and a coupole of "real" jobs. I never wanted to do anything else and I still make a good living.

Even with all that I get burned out from time to time and hate the work.

Life is not fair, life is not equitable, life is a struggle at best. No matter what. Then you die. find something you lilke.

Life is a struggle no doubt - maybe i just don't like life.

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FreeDuck wrote:

When's the last time you had a vacation?

full week in june. it helped for a little bit but here we are a few months later.

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Any chance you can take a longer one? Like a month in a foreign country? You sound like you are in serious need of some personal adventure time. Take a month, travel, look around, and explore other career options. You'll either find something that makes you happier or you'll be refreshed enough to come back to work and get things done.

Seriously, though, it sounds like you are just uninspired. And I don't have any prescription for inspiration.

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I felt a lot like you for a long time. I still do to some degree, but things are at least a little bit better for me now. I worked at a job I had gotten completely sick of for a long time and hated every second of it. I ended up finally just quitting with no job lined up, and basically just did nothing for a couple months. When I came back into the job market, I felt a lot better about things, and for a while, I was okay with it. The thing was, when I went back to work, I did it in a freelance capacity, and that different way of approaching work has made things a lot better. The idea that I can leave at anytime is very liberating. I've had lousy jobs since, but I haven't felt anything like that trapped frustration that I felt in my last permanent position.

The downside is that I now, since I've successfully found work each time I've needed to, I immediately think of quitting anytime some obstacle comes in my way, and I haven't actually stayed anywhere for more than about nine months since then. But then, maybe that's not such a bad thing either.

Either way, I recommend trying out the freelance option. If nothing else, you will at least get a fresh outlook. Who knows, you might even find a place that you can stand for a while. And if not, there are always more jobs out there.

Oh wait, you have a family to support. Maybe you should think long and hard about this option then. But I still think it's a good one.

Since you've been at your current job for a while, maybe you could ask them for a sabbatical and try the freelance life that way. It could work.

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FreeDuck wrote:

Any chance you can take a longer one? Like a month in a foreign country? You sound like you are in serious need of some personal adventure time. Take a month, travel, look around, and explore other career options. You'll either find something that makes you happier or you'll be refreshed enough to come back to work and get things done.

Seriously, though, it sounds like you are just uninspired. And I don't have any prescription for inspiration.

There is also I big deference between a family vacation and a personal one - and I can't even remember the last time I did anything without the whole family. Family vacations always wind up being more work than play, by the time I get back I feel like I need a vacation from my vacation.

In all seriousness though i think you may be correct. I hadn't really thought about it in any detail until now. I need to find a way to escape for an extended period of time, alone. At least it sounds good for now...

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i just keep coming back to the fact that I friggin hate computers.

Rant following...

Just the thought of having to sit down and crank out one more web application makes me want to puke.

All the stupid little things you have to remember to do, all the stupid little "NoDuh" problems that make you beat your head against a wall for hours (or days in some cases) only to find out it was something so obvious...having the technical "rug" pulled out from underneath you by the ever changing world of IT standards - this version is obsolete, that function is deprecated, your looking at a complete tear-down to do this, this version isn't compatible with that version...and on top of everything I have to help Apple users in my office.

There are times (like now) that I wonder with all that considered, why did I decide to go down this road? There has to be something that pays as well with out all these types of issues to deal with. I just feel fried.

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I used to be you.

One word. Sabbatical.

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I understand your rant. And to add to it -- what burns me up is how there's always "the next best thing" that is supposed to make coding so much easier or better in some way. You know, that next best thing that requires you to chuck all of your stable code in order to rewrite it using the "better" frameworks/standards/languages. And it always ends up, when it's finally mature enough to make you not want to kill yourself, to be pretty much what you had before, with few exceptions. There are so many ways to reinvent the wheel and no shortage of opportunities to do so.

So, yeah, sabbatical.

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An alternative might be to make a list of the things outside work you are passionate about. Things such as political activism, environmental activism, church, animals, gardening, travel and many other hobbies. Once you have that list check into existing organizations that might benefit from some of your expertise or do something with them that is completely opposite what you do for a living.

If there aren't any existing organizations for your chosen passions, consider starting one. To limit the need for computing, make a Meet-Up group and use their tools instead of creating your own. Meet people face-to-face and do things together.

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This is not advice, per se, but when I was involved as a senior person (I said no to lab manager of what is now one of the biggest med labs in the world) in a busy laboratory with no windows and a lot of pressure...

I took drawing classes and painting classes a few times a week after work.

To start with, it was all exploratory, with no import for what I might ever do.

Eventually, I figured out I was happier - not in the lab, but in art/design.

I would have been much smarter to glom on to that senior manager status, at least re finances. But not so, re my own satisfaction.

No advice, except to pay attention to what you like to do and don't.
Life is fairly short.

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FreeDuck wrote:

I understand your rant. And to add to it -- what burns me up is how there's always "the next best thing" that is supposed to make coding so much easier or better in some way. You know, that next best thing that requires you to chuck all of your stable code in order to rewrite it using the "better" frameworks/standards/languages. And it always ends up, when it's finally mature enough to make you not want to kill yourself, to be pretty much what you had before, with few exceptions. There are so many ways to reinvent the wheel and no shortage of opportunities to do so.

Word. Just give ajax a shot if you really want to make your life hell. I think writing web apps might be the worst of all types of programming because of all the compatibility issues on top of all the regular bs.

I remember life before computers, it was so much more relaxing and meaningful. I want to go back to that.

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Oh, I've been down the ajax road. I find it really nice and useful for SOME applications. The problem is that it's the new hammer that everybody wants to use, even when what they really need to be using is a screwdriver. Some people want to run off half-cocked and do everything that way without giving thought to the implications of going around the browser.

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FreeDuck wrote:

I understand your rant. And to add to it -- what burns me up is how there's always "the next best thing" that is supposed to make coding so much easier or better in some way. You know, that next best thing that requires you to chuck all of your stable code in order to rewrite it using the "better" frameworks/standards/languages.

Did you read "The Mythical Man Month" by Fred Brooks? It was first published in the computer bronze age, I think 1975. And it already had a chapter, titled "No Silver Bullet", predicting that there would be no "next best thing". (Your wording, not Brooks's.) His prediction has been holding up excellently for decades now. But tell that to the middle managers in your company who purchase "frameworks".

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I'll add that to my list of books I plan to take on my sabbatical next summer.

I'm all for improvements in technology. I just think, at this point, they come in small increments and not in revolutionary new ideas. I could be wrong, of course.

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Haven't read that one, maybe I shouldn't. Doesn't sound like it would paint a very positive picture for myself, but at least it would confirm my sinking feeling. I'll put it on my list.

There have been some very significant changes made no doubt, but I feel like we've reached a plateau and most of the recent so called advancements are incrementally decreasing in terms of actual advantages. For the most part they just make more busy work for us developers.

Take salesforce.com for example: did they really need to go and create a whole new language just to code their system/api in? Talk about re-inventing the wheel. Survey says: profits. So they can charge out the wazoo for developer training because they hold the proprietary keys.

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Is this all there is?

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