What do you mean he's drinking again?

What Walter said...

#1, Mr. B has to absorb that his father did not start drinking again because of him, or the fact his wife left him, or the moon was full, or the daisies didn't bloom.

His fathers starting to drink again was completely his decision.

Like Walter, I haven't drunk for a long time, 20 years. If I made the decision to pick up again, it wouldn't have a thing to do with what was going on in my life, but how I chose to handle it.

I'd probably blame it on the Northern Lights.

uh....75 or 80....I'd be checking in regularly to make sure he hasn't fallen.

Everytime I see even a picture of the Northern Lights I am forced by some unseen power to throw down a Jager bomb. I just can't control it. It's the family shsme.

The question of why was never a big concern for me or an element of freaking out. It's more about how he acts when he's drinking, and how unpleasant that is, and how stupid and weak it is for him to make that choice.

Thank you all for sharing your stories. Hearing them really helps me understand what Mr. B is feeling; he's so angry and depressed about it that he really isn't talking.

At nearly 80, Mr. Mr. B is still quite dashing and virile. People on both sides of Mr. B's family, generations of them, live well into their 100s. Nobody is ready to write him off as dead yet.

I'm not sure if Mr. B feels like he needs to "do" something -- I think he's torn on whether he should. Mr. B recognizes that his dad is quite the puppeteer. A Man in the eoe's dad's sense of Man. A I can do what I want and damn the torpedos kind of Man.

I suppose that when someone has been sober for so long that it is easy to think of them as a sober person and not as someone "in recovery".

Congratulations on your sobriety, Walter. Well done!

boomer, your FIL may be depressed. It's very common in the elderly. Could Mr. B suggest to him that he see his doctor? Would he be comfortable going with him and discussing it with the doctor?

I literally had no other choice: either die or stop drinking.

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I personally think, an elderly might have a drink or even a couple when she/he likes it.
No need to "suffer" at such an old age.

But: that can be totally different with drinkers .... and might really lead to rather quick end.

It seems rather obvious that the recent split with his wife probably jump-started his drinking again. Depression is a big factor, I would suppose. On another thread, we have a poster who quit smoking but started again after a terrible event. What's the difference?

Mr. Mr. B lives half a continent away. Luckily Mr. B has siblings in the immediate area and they are reacting and keeping Mr. B informed. Sometimes being at a distance is a blessing; other times it gives anger time to simmer.

Drinking responsibly at any age is really okay with me. I fear that Mr. Mr. B doesn't drink responsibly though.

The difference is that depression is treatable.

So is alcoholism.

I don't think arguing about that is helpful, eoe. All I'm suggesting is that a doctor's evauation would be a good idea. Sheesh.

I agree that he needs to speak to his doctor.

It would be easy to look at this and say L's leaving is what started him on this path but he's been married five times -- three times to her. They've lived seperately, while married, for several years now. I think they both like the drama of the other.

Sheesh indeed. Who's arguing?

Boomer, something had to kick off the drinking again, don't you think?

Sorry if I misinterpretted, eoe.

Depression doesn't need any event to kick it off. My dad's alcoholism was clearly (now with 20/20 hindsigt) self medication for depression. It's now evident that it is a family problem.

Mental health and alcoholism

Mental health problems are common with alcoholism. Each can lead to or reinforce the other.

Depression is a common cause of alcoholism as the depressed person seeks a way out of their problems or a relief from insomnia. Unfortunately, alcohol is itself a depressant, so the problem is only compounded.

Anxiety can be temporarily relieved by alcohol, but this may lead to repeated intake and dependence.

Without adequate attention to the mental health needs of a person with alcohol dependence, little progress will be made. Often alcoholism remains unsuspected even by the doctor, and it may come to light only when medical tests are done for other reasons.


Source

I agree wholeheartedly on the depression angle, swimpy. It's common knowledge that people slip into all types of self-abusive behaviors behind serious depression. It seemed almost obvious to me that boomer's father-in-law's falling off of the wagon was probably spurred by depression behind yet another break-up of his marriage. All of that coming and going would drive me to drink too. Of course, we're only speculating and perhaps couldn't be more wrong but that's a 1 + 1 = 2.

So...uh....what does Mr. Mr. B say about his drinking?

I'm hearing a lot about what everyone else thinks he should do, what are his thoughts on all this?

I'd be a little annoyed, shall we say, if someone started telling me I needed to go to the doctor, was depression, etc.

I mean, he'd been sober a long time....what did he do to get that way?

Stop by himself?
Support groups?
Did he go in rehab?

You know, he might just say this is no ones business, and he'll decide what to do, or not do.

What Chai said :wink:

Seriously, I do think everyone here wants to be helpful.

But it is (was) Mr. B.'s decission.

No-one forced him to start drinking again - and drinking isn't a definition of depression.

Oh, yeah....I think everyone's helpful and concerned too....

But you know the expression



You can always tell a drunk.....but you can't tell him much.

Wait, it's not Mr. B, though (boomer's husband) who has started drinking again. It's Mr. B's dad (her father-in-law). The bulk of the advice is on how boomer can best help Mr. B (her husband) deal with this news.